He stiffened. His face, which had been open and laughing earlier became devoid of all expression. He rolled off me and sat up. “I spend a lot of time with Molly. Today is the one day I go to the office and I might come home late.”
“Tomorrow then?” I insisted.
He rose from the bed, pulled up his pants, and headed to the bathroom.
I got up and managed to tie the towel around me.
Luke reentered the bedroom and made sure a lot of space remained between us.
“You didn’t answer me?” I said.
“Look, I pay you generously to mind Molly. If I wanted lectures, I’d have invited my ex-wife to come for a visit. All I need from you is to be the nanny. That’s all.”
I took a step back, stung by his words. I didn’t understand his reaction. His controlled anger. “All I’m saying is that you need to spend more time with Molly,” I said, my voice rising.
“I didn’t ask you for parenting advice.” He took his jacket from the dresser and slipped it on. He glanced me over dispassionately.
His stare shrunk me. Made me feel small. I shivered, as if I felt cold just from the ice in his eyes.
He turned away and left.
Luke
I waited impatiently for Jeremy, one of the promising junior architects to wrap up the client presentation, and as soon as it was over, I made some small talk with the clients, then escaped the conference room.
“Hold all calls,” I barked at the temporary secretary who’d been covering for Janice, for a few weeks.
“Yes, sir,” she mumbled.
I closed the door shut, dropped myself down on my chair behind the desk, and swiveled around to face the floor to ceiling window. I stared out at the view, seeing nothing. I’d been in a lousy mood all day. I couldn’t get rid of the image of Ella’s face from my head all day long. The absolute hurt in her big green eyes.
I told myself it had been a good thing for me to lay down the boundaries. Her job was to be a nanny to Molly and mine was to earn a living for my family. I had done the right thing. My reasoning told me so. Yet, I kept seeing images of her eyes.
Like a video, I saw our spat from this morning. My contempt as I let her know in no uncertain terms that she was not to ever give me parenting advice. Shame came over me. Ella hadn’t deserved the tone I had used. I’d spoken to her like an employee.
Hell, I didn’t even speak to my employees like that. The real truth was I had treated her like she’d been nothing because she had touched an old wound that never healed. I knew I wasn’t a good daddy to Molly, and I hated it when she had pointed it out. As the day progressed, I felt worse and worse. I needed to apologize to her.
I wondered how Ella and Molly’s trip to the park had fared.
Had Molly enjoyed herself or had she been intimidated by the sight of many children? A pang of longing came over me. I would have liked to have gone to the park with them.
I ran my hand through my hair. I never wanted to be like my dad and here I was. Doing the same shit. Never at home. If I didn’t build a bridge now with Molly, she and I would always be distant.
Problem was I didn’t know how to be with Molly. I didn’t know how to pull her out of her shell. I was afraid of the awkward silences. Afraid she would start to get bored of our time together. Worse, she would come to dread having to spend time with me. Maybe, Ella’s suggestion to spend time together was a really good one. Ella could be the temporary bridge between us… until I built one of my own.
I felt glad when evening rolled around and I could go home. I walked out of the building with confidence in my step now, since I had a plan. I would apologize to Ella and then we would have a nice dinner washed down with a glass of good wine. Maybe I would run her a bath with lots of bubbles and give her a long massage. I visualized my muscles relaxing from spending an evening in good company.
The drive back home took the usual twenty minutes and I found myself hurrying out of the car, eager to see my girls. I frowned at the thought. Ella wasn’t my girl.
I got into the house and went through to the living room. I really did want to know how the visit to the park had gone. I found no one there. My next stop was the playroom. The door open, and there they were.
“Next, you draw the eyes, just like this,” Ella was saying.
They were on the floor, their heads bowed close together. Their concentration was so complete they hadn’t even heard me open the door. Molly was the first to sense my presence. She looked up and when she saw me, her face lit up.
My heart swelled at my daughter’s unguarded reaction when she saw me. Seconds later, her smile faded.
“Hi sweetheart,” I greeted brightly, as I stepped into the room.
Ella looked up. There was no expression on her face. “Hi,” she said, scrambling to her feet. “I’ll leave you two to it. I’m sure Molly would love to show you the things she drew this afternoon.” She gave me a curt nod as she passed.
She wore a short white dress and the image of me lifting it and sucking on her sweet pussy flashed into my mind. The door shut behind her and a heaviness settled in my chest. Clearly, I had wounded Ella, but I had a
