It was important for Molly to know her mother again. Then I went upstairs.
Ella looked at me worriedly. “Is everything okay?”
I smiled at her. “Everything is A-okay. Now, where were we?”
She smiled back. “I think I had to stop giving you a blow because you couldn’t concentrate on driving.”
“Well, I’m not driving now,” I said, my fingers moving to my belt.
Ella
It’s none of my business.
I’d been chanting this same phrase the whole day and throughout dinner. The fact that Luke’s ex-wife had come back to the house again today was none of my business. Except my heart refused to listen. What did she want now after all that time away?
Jealousy speared me. It didn’t help that Penelope resembled a centerfold model for Playboy magazine. Standing next to her made me feel gaudy by comparison. Like a real-life Barbie with an exaggerated hourglass figure, gorgeous big blue eyes, and thick lustrous blonde hair that flowed in waves down her shoulders and back.
“Shouldn’t you be wearing a uniform or something?” she asked with a disapproving look at my summery dress.
I straightened my spine. “Wearing a uniform was not part of my job description.”
“I’ll have to talk to Luke about that.”
My eyes widened, but she had already flounced away, while calling out to Molly.
After dinner, as was our custom, Luke and I watched Molly playing with Bean before he was put into his crate and she was whisked off upstairs for a bath and bed.
Bean jumped on her and licked her face and hands thoroughly.
Dutifully, I laughed at all the puppy’s antics for the next ten minutes, but my heart was truly not in it.
After Molly’s bath, Luke came in and we tucked her into bed. Luke read a story to her. When the story was over, he closed the book. “Was it nice seeing Mommy today?” he asked her in a gentle voice.
Molly nodded.
“You don’t have to see her if you don’t want to,” Luke continued.
I felt like an intruder, listening in on a moment that didn’t belong to me. I quickly kissed Molly’s forehead and padded softly out of the room. Then I returned downstairs. My muscles were tight with tension at the sudden change in our lives.
I had grown comfortable with my new life. That had been my mistake. I had started to see myself as part of the family. That’s why having Penelope return came as such a shock. And I wasn’t handling it so well.
Maybe it’s because she had introduced herself to me as Luke’s wife and not his ex-wife. Then she’d marched around the house with all the confidence of a woman who knew she belonged here.
I couldn’t even hate her because she was Molly’s mom. I just wished she’d stayed wherever she had been and left us alone. Then I instantly felt ashamed of my thoughts. I loved Molly, and I knew she needed her mom. It was unfair and nasty of me to wish that she hadn’t come.
All of this was my fault. I had allowed my heart to become involved. But how could you not love Molly or feel something for Luke?
“I thought we’d have some wine,” Luke said.
His voice startled me. I hadn’t heard him return downstairs. A cold fear came over my heart. Despite the pep talk I had given myself, I felt frightened. What if Luke said he didn’t need me anymore?
It wasn’t about the money. I knew he’d pay me the full amount if he cut our contract short, because that was the kind of person he was. I realized as I walked to the window that I would be heartbroken if I was cast aside because Penelope had returned. I crossed my arms over my chest, inhaled deeply, and admitted it all to myself.
It was more than just feeling a little something for him. I simply wasn’t ready to leave. Somehow, he had sneaked into my heart and I’d developed deep feelings for him. Then there was Molly. Such a little darling and I wanted to stay around to protect her. True, Penelope was her mother, but I didn’t trust her for a moment. I’d only watched her with Molly for a few minutes, but already I noticed something false and forced about her feelings for the child. She acted too happy, her laugh sounded too high, and when she kissed Molly, it was a fleeting peck. Almost like one of those meaningless air kisses women who lunch together would give one another.
Now, a longing to be held and loved by Luke overwhelmed me. A longing I should not have been having. A relationship between us was impossible. How many times did I need to tell that to my brain?
I was Molly’s nanny who just happened to be having an affair with my charge’s father. An affair that could never be more than the physical. Penelope’s return had really highlighted the fact that I needed to put some distance between us, both physical and intimate.
“Here you go,” Luke said from behind me.
I turned around and took the glass from him. I took a sip and sighed as the icy cold wine went down my throat.
“I’m sorry there has been no time to ask you how you are doing,” Luke said, staring at me with an intensity that made me tremble.
I chewed at my bottom lip. I thought of all the things I wanted to ask him. Did he have feelings for Penelope? Did he want her back in his life? Only I couldn’t. We had made an agreement to enjoy each other without the burden of feelings and expectations. “Did Penelope talk to you about me wearing a uniform?” I asked.
Luke cocked his head. “No. Why?”
I shrugged. “It’s just she said she was going to talk to you about getting me into a uniform.”
“Did she now?”
I nodded.
“Hmmm… I think it’s actually a very good idea.”
My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe
