“I know I fucked up pretty bad.”
“How did you have the heart to kill a child and the love of your life?”
“Roselyn.”
“Tell me. Please tell me. Just when I think you are about to be good, you turn around say or do some fucked up shit,” I tell him. “So, talk to me. Not as your pet, but as your wife. Tell me what happened.”
He’s searching my eyes for something. I don’t know. But he needs to tell me what happened. I deserve to know.
“I was coming home from a gun traffic job and I was so fucking tired. I hadn’t made love to Shelby for a couple of months and I wanted to. She was stressed during the pregnancy and needed bed rest. It was her excuse every time I tried to fuck her. Cashel’s car was parked in the driveway, but I didn’t think anything of it because he always came over to visit. He used to spend the night over at our place because we used to do drug drop offs together. When I opened the door, I was expecting to see them fighting about something stupid. They always fought. To my knowledge they always hated each other. I heard loud moans coming from the bedroom and I burst into the door and found her on top of him, riding him. I screamed at the top of my lungs asking what is going on. She told me she didn’t want to be with me, and she wanted to be with Cashel. I took my gun and shot at him. She jumped in the way and the bullet hits her chest. I tried to revive her, and Cashel jumped out the bedroom window, fleeting the fucking scene. I took her to the hospital and the doctors tried to save her and the baby but there wasn’t anything they could do. I didn’t kill her on purpose. I would never kill her on purpose. She’s the only person I regret killing. I told her parents a robber had broken into our home and killed her. I didn’t have the heart to tell her mother the truth because I didn’t want them hating me. I promised them I would protect their only daughter and I failed.”
He looks like he has a ton on his shoulder, and he frowns.
“I’m so sorry, Devious. I had no idea. I thought you killed her on purpose.”
“No, I loved Shelby.”
I wrap my arms around his shoulders, trying to sooth him but honestly, I don’t know how to soothe someone who witnesses so much trauma. It makes me understand him a lot better.
“Do you hate me?” he asks, his eyes searching mine.
“Not more than I already do,” I say, patting his back and he chuckles.
“You know how to make light of a serious situation.”
“It’s one of my many talents. But in seriousness. I thought you were hanging onto her because you still loved her, and I didn’t think we would have shot at something real,” I say, honestly.
Even though I’m planning to escape him, it doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about being with him, making it work. If I wanted to stay, I want us to work out, but I know we’ll never be because he’ll probably never give me the freedom I crave so much.
“Why would you want to be with someone who treated you like shit?”
“Everyone is not all bad, Devious. You might be a psychopath, but there are some good things I do like about you.” I stroke his back. “I don’t want to live in the cell ever again. It was scary and I know if I’m loyal to you, my life would be great, but if I’m not, you will make the devil look like a saint,” I exhale. “Why did you keep wanting to hold on to someone who didn’t love you?” I ask.
He beams back at the city and it’s now quiet like the sea.
“I was hoping she would eventually love me back again. I tried everything to make her love me again, but nothing worked.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you have abandonment issues if you’re trying to hang on to someone who didn’t love you.”
He doesn’t respond.
“Honestly, you deserve someone who is going to love you the way you want to be loved in a fairy tale way.”
“Those love stories don’t exist, Roselyn.”
“There is nothing wrong with hoping, Devious.” Okay, I need to go lie down, my feet hurt bad and I don’t want Devious to shit on my hopes and dreams about love. “Can we go to sleep? Are we sleeping on the boat?”
“Yeah.”
He grabs my hand leading me to the cabin and there is a couch and a bed. Our suitcases are by the chair and I unzip mine, removing my pajamas. Devious removes his clothes, and lies on the bed with nothing on, but his boxers.
I throw on my pajamas and slide in next to him. We’re quiet and I can tell Devious won’t be getting any sleep and neither will I. My mind is still reeling from what he told me and how he opened up to me and I hadn’t expected him to. Most of the time, he’s so damn closed off. He’s so angry at the world and I would be too if I were in his shoes. He’s making me confused and the lines are blurry between us. He makes me want to drop my plan and stay with him. Because I’m starting to like him, and it scares me.
“Are you okay? You’re shaking?” He mumbles in my ear.
“I’m cold.”
He lies on his back, patting his chest. I lie my head on his firm chest as he pulls the thick comforter over my
