“Don’t fuck around, Josh,” he said. “Last time you wandered around drunk… blacking out… showing up here…”
I swallowed hard.
“Should I give you two some alone time?”
Aaron released his hold instantly as Rae walked through the kitchen.
She was now dressed for the day. No more comfy PJ’s and messy bed head for her.
“You look ready to take on the day,” I said with a smart-ass undertone.
“First things first,” Rae said, “getting your ass out of my house.”
“Blame him,” I said and nodded to Aaron. “He gave me coffee. Now I’m just waiting for breakfast. What are you cooking?”
Rae laughed. “He think he’s funny?”
“I’m trying to be serious for a second here,” Aaron said. He shoved me against the counter. “Look at me, Josh.”
“Oh, Christ,” I said. “What’s with you?”
“What you did last night was bullshit,” Aaron spat in my face.
My eyes moved left, and I saw the look of surprise on Rae’s face.
Aaron was the only person in the world who could yell at me and push me around like that and not get a fist to the mouth.
“You remember Amelia?” I asked.
“Who?” Aaron asked.
“That’s right. You were too good to be bad.”
“What are you talking about?”
“When I used to run with Murph,” I said. “And his crew.”
“Those assholes?” he asked.
“Who’s Murph?” Rae asked.
“Hey, sweetheart, can you-”
“It’s cool,” I said, cutting Aaron off. “She can hear it. I don’t care.” I looked at Rae. “I wasn’t always the honest and upstanding man I am now.”
Rae rolled her eyes. “Right.”
“He used to get himself into trouble all the time,” Aaron said.
“And you were there to bail me out,” I said, grabbed Aaron’s shoulder and shook him. “But seriously, there was this girl. Amelia. I only ran into her a few times. But when I did…”
“Aw, are you in love?” Rae asked.
“No,” I said. “She was always in trouble too. A different kind of trouble. Anyway, she was there last night. Trying to interview me for some story she was writing. That’s why I took off. The entire night was a joke. I felt like a spectacle to everyone there. And seeing her…”
“I don’t remember Amelia,” Aaron said. “You never talked about her. I do remember De-”
“That’s what happened last night,” I said. “Okay? I had a few drinks. I stole Azor’s flask.”
“Azor?” Rae asked.
“Long story. An artist friend. I drank what was in his flask. I wandered around the event and the mindless conversation just got the best of me. Then Amelia… well, to be fair, I saw her when I was holding Toby. She was the one he was trying to point to the painting for. He turned his head to tell her it was a red flower and he bopped his head against mine.”
“And you thought to yourself, why not just get blasted drunk and show up at Aaron’s?” Rae asked.
“I don’t remember,” I said. “But the good news is that you got to experience my presence one more time.”
“Oh, how blessed we are,” she said.
She opened the door to the fridge, blocking herself from view.
I looked at Aaron and mouthed sorry, brother.
He shrugged his shoulders and pointed. Then he mouthed get the fuck out.
I pushed from the counter and my right hand touched my right back pocket.
A flash of a memory from the night before hit me.
I quickly shoved my hand into my back pocket.
It was empty.
I reached into my other back pocket and that was empty too.
“Fuck,” I whispered.
“What’s wrong?” Aaron asked.
“I have to go,” I said.
“The greatest words I’ve heard all morning,” Rae announced with her head in the fridge.
I charged forward and Aaron put a hand out.
I knocked him out of the way and kept going.
I had done a lot of stupid things while drunk in my life… but this was bad.
I lost the letter I wrote for Delilah.
Chapter 9
A Meeting II
A WHILE AGO
(Josh)
“Did you do what we talked about last time, Josh?”
I stopped pacing and looked out the fourth-floor office window. The parking lot was full, the town damp from the late morning rain. My eyes kept focusing on random droplets of rain that had clung to the window, not willing to let go so easily and just float down the glass.
“Josh?”
I turned. “I haven’t gotten that far yet.”
“Yet?”
“Look, it isn’t easy, okay? You of all people should know that.”
“I completely understand. That’s why I’m asking. I’m not judging. I’m not telling you what to do. I’m just talking.”
“Asking questions.”
“Which is my job. Unless, of course, you have anything you’d like to talk about.”
“Yeah, actually I do,” I said. I walked to a leather loveseat and sat down. Right on the edge. “What if I don’t ever want to say goodbye? Huh? What if that… stuff… is the driving force behind me?”
“I believe it.”
“You believe it?”
“Yes. What you just said. The unanswered questions. The deep-seated anger. Pain. All of that manifests into something… well… beautiful. And if you write this letter. If you say goodbye. If you get that closure and walk away a little freer, then what?”
“Exactly. Then what?”
“You think you’ll lose your edge.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Forget about that for a second. I’m talking personal.”
“Personal. Okay. What does that mean, Josh?”
“That means…” I stood up and started to pace around the office again. I must have put a hundred miles on that floor by now. “She deserved better. More. A chance at life. And I’m the only one who ever cared for her… and then I’m the only one who says goodbye…”
Silence filled the room.
I hated when that happened.
Those passing seconds waiting for someone to say something.
“I don’t want that,” I
