Aaron motioned for the door to the garage.
The murmur of ten conversations made it hard to talk.
When we got out there, he grabbed my shirt and threw me back against the wall.
“I needed you today.”
“No, you didn’t,” I said. “You didn’t need a pep talk from me. You did it.”
“I had Toby do it.”
“Which was romantic.”
“It was a cheap move.”
“It’s not my life, Aaron,” I said. I pushed him back. “You live in fear of losing Rae and you will lose her. Now she’s got that diamond on her finger. You’re all set. Don’t fuck it up.”
“I wish you were there,” Aaron said.
“Why? You wanted me to ask her?”
“Come on, Josh. You know what I mean. I wanted to tell you first. I wanted you to be there.”
“I don’t need to be there,” I said. “This is your life and your family. I’m not walking you down the aisle and giving you away to Rae.”
“You’re such a dick,” Aaron said. “Really.”
“You’re happy, right?”
“Of course I am.”
“You love Rae?”
“Yes.”
“You love Toby?”
“He’s my son,” he said, offended.
“Having a son and loving your son are two different things,” I said.
“Josh, you know I love my son.”
“Then you have nothing to worry about,” I said. “You didn’t need me. Remember that.”
I took one step and Aaron jumped in my way. “You’re talking messed up again.”
“What?”
“This is what you do, Josh. You get pissed or hurt and then you throw everyone away. I’m watching it all happen again. And now you’re trying to bail on me.”
“I’m standing here.”
“After I called you how many times? You thought I was checking up on you. You greedy prick. I was calling about me.”
“There’s nothing I can say or do right now. What’s done is done.”
“Is it?” Aaron asked. “Because you’re the one who can’t seem to get over things.”
“That’s why I’m walking away, Aaron. You have a family. Go be with them. Stop worrying about me.”
“That’s what you want, that’s fine,” he said. “I just thought my best friend would want to be there. I would want to be there for you. Whenever you decided to figure your stuff out.”
Aaron walked to the garage door and froze.
“Congrats,” I said to him. “I know Rae hates me. I get why. I’m not a fan of hers either. Best thing about her is Toby. But you love her. She loves you. I’m happy for you, Aaron. You two are complicated as hell, but it works. I’m sorry I wasn’t there today when you needed me. There were a lot of times in our lives when things moved in opposite directions. Mostly my fault. I didn’t want you or anyone else to really see what it was like for me. I’m sorry about that too. You would have stood in the fire with me and gotten burned. That’s a good friend. That’s a best friend. That’s what you are.”
Aaron looked over his shoulder. “I’m scared to death, Josh. I don’t want to lose her. So I’m going to marry her. I don’t know if that’s right or wrong. But it’s too late now.”
“It’s never too late,” I said. “But you two are crazy together. So, ride it out as far as you can. Why not?”
“What about you? When are you going to actually take care of all the things you’ve said and done?”
“I told you to stop worrying about me.”
He opened the door. “Oh, before I forget, my wedding…”
“What about it?”
“This is a big deal.”
“I can see that. You’re finally going to get laid again.”
Aaron shook his head. “I need you there.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for anything in the world,” I said.
“I’m not sure I believe you.”
Aaron went inside and I stood in the garage alone.
The main doors were open, so I stepped out into the driveway.
This was my chance.
To leave.
For once and for good.
To just slip away into the night and never be seen again.
Kind of like what my father did.
Everyone would hate me, but they’d forget about me.
It had been weeks since I’d seen, touched and tasted Amelia. Yet I couldn’t forget about her.
Inside the house, Aaron and Rae were living in their moment. Their moment. Their house. Their family. Their future.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and it was a text message from Amelia.
It made my heart ache because she tried so hard to keep in touch with me.
Eventually I would just need to tell her to stay away. Or I could change my number.
I opened the text message, willing to do more damage to my heart.
There was no text.
Just a picture.
Of a positive pregnancy test.
Chapter 43
Being Right is Being Wrong
NOW
(Amelia)
The first thing I felt like doing was calling Mitch to tell him I was right. That I knew my own body and that I knew I wasn’t actually sick when I would vomit at work. And whoever termed it as morning sickness needed a slap against the side of their head. Because this was called random sickness.
The positive pregnancy test was balanced on the bathroom sink and I was thinking about my boss at work. Not the man who was the other half of this situation.
My hands gently touched the smooth, coolness of the sink and I forced myself to lift my head and gaze upon my reflection in the mirror. When the tears filled my eyes, I was also filled with an intense feeling of guilt. That instead of feeling happiness in the first moments of knowing about my baby, I was crying.
Crying because I didn’t want this baby to grow up with just one parent. I didn’t want to be a single mother. Crying because I didn’t know what Josh’s reaction would be, if anything at all. He had grown up in his own version of hell, never having a father. I had no idea whether that kind of thing was hereditary or just stuck in someone’s soul and they would make the same bad choices.
And it didn’t help that Josh wouldn’t return my calls.
I hadn’t heard his voice in twenty-nine days.
And
