All I wanted was the taste of Amelia’s lips.
Her body.
I wanted to stare into her eyes.
Hell, I wanted to gently rest my head against her belly and listen for the heartbeat of our baby. Which was impossible to do because it was impossible to see or hear, but it was there. And I would wait forever to hear that heartbeat.
I just needed her to read the letter and understand everything. The man she knew and the protector she craved…
I shook my head.
My chance had come and gone again.
She wanted to kiss me. She wanted to jump into my arms. She wanted me to carry her to her bed and show her how much I loved her, needed her and craved her. Yet again, the need to save her kept me from acting.
The idea of Delilah had become such a part of my life… the only one who understood it was Aaron. I trusted him with who Delilah was and he was always there for me. Even the night I got into trouble, he was there. He told me right then and there that I needed to find a way to let her go. For good. To let it all go.
I tried.
But there was no letting go.
My father could burn in hell.
Delaney was a little angel somewhere, beautiful, but the sadness of her death would forever exist in me.
Gram… I only hoped she was with Delaney wherever that was.
But Amelia? Delilah?
There was no way of letting her go.
She thought I was saving her.
When, in reality, she was the one saving me.
I reached for the bottle and there was a knock at the door.
I got to my feet and raced to the door.
When I opened it and saw Amelia standing there, I didn’t know what to say.
I had a million things to say, but didn’t know what to say first.
“You’re here,” I said.
“I’m here,” she said.
“Did you read the letter?”
Amelia showed me her hand.
The letter was folded up.
“No,” she said. “I don’t give a damn about Delilah.”
“Amelia…”
“I love you, Josh,” she said. “And look what we’ve done together…”
“You should read the letter,” I said.
“Why? It’s written to someone who doesn’t even exist. But we exist.”
I inched a little closer to her. “She exists, love. She always did. That’s what you need to understand. She was the driving force behind every decision I ever made in my life. The good and the bad. I never wanted someone the way I wanted her.”
“And now?” Amelia asked.
“It’s the same way, love. Nothing has changed.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Josh. Everything has changed. And we have our chance…”
I reached for Amelia’s hand. I slipped my fingers into hers. I turned and brought her with me, walking her to the large window. Outside, it was dark and quiet. We were hidden away from the world that had worked so hard to hurt us and confuse us.
“I only ever wanted to save you, Amelia,” I said as I stared out the window. “The night I stopped you, that was part of it. If you really tried to come with me or run away with me, nothing good would have happened. I hated myself for what happened that night too. I forced myself to stay away from you. But you never left my memory. You became Delilah and then you showed up all this time later. Everything I’ve ever drawn, painted, photographed, it’s all been in your honor somehow. Every time someone tells me how great something looks, I think of you. I’ve never loved anyone like you. I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone else but you.”
She touched my arm with her other hand. As she gently hugged my arm, her head resting on it, I swallowed hard.
“You’re not any of them,” she whispered.
“Of what?”
“The demons,” she said. “You never were any of them either. No matter what you think or say.”
We fell into silence.
Side by side.
It was no longer just two of us though.
There were three.
Myself. Amelia. The life we created.
The dream I had always wanted, right next to me.
“Nobody was ever supposed to see that letter, Amelia,” I said. “That was the plan. To write it. To get rid of it. To move forward. But that was impossible because of you. I must have reached for the letter the night I left the gallery. I dropped it and kept going. And you found it. You fell in love with the story. You fell in love with the person who wrote it. You fell in love with the person it was written for. And yet it was your story the entire time.”
I turned my head and looked at her.
“The only time I ever felt safe was with you. Then and now. That’s what the letter meant to me. It was safe. I didn’t love the person who wrote it… well, I guess I did.” Amelia laughed. “I loved the way the person wrote it. The way the person was so real about his life for who he wrote it for. And I was jealous, Josh. Jealous of Delilah. I wanted to be Delilah. And know that someone loved me as much as he did…”
“Then you get everything you want,” I said as I turned to face her.
“Tell me what everything is then.”
“You are everything, Amelia. I’m sorry for the way I reacted when you showed me the letter. I felt exposed. Cornered. I felt that you were chasing a story that was your own and you were going to give it away.”
“I would never do that,” she whispered.
“I know. And it almost meant confessing everything to you. Bringing you back into my world. Because if I ever got another chance with you, it would be the forever kind
