I lost myself, then I fucked her.
It wasn’t sweet.
It wasn’t emotional and tender like Prinie deserves.
It was carnal.
Violent.
I lost control, let my addiction creep in.
I could have killed her—I’m surprised I didn’t.
And she wonders why I don’t want to move things along with her.
It’s simply because I don’t trust myself not to kill her.
Because if I did, I would never recover.
People don’t mean anything to me, but Prinie is one of the two people in the whole world who does, with her brother, Zero, coming in a close second.
It’s impossible for me to show emotion.
It’s not something I have any experience with.
But when I hurt one of the people I have formed an attachment to, I find myself feeling.
Feelings—they are for the weak-minded.
I don’t like it.
I want these emotions to fuck right off and leave me the hell alone.
Hence, tequila.
Rubbing my aching jaw, I glance down. Mack, my bulldog, is sleeping at my feet. Sighing, I relax slightly. I have trouble finding emotions for people, but for Mack, there’s no doubt in my mind I have some kind of love for the ugly mutt. The dog gets me. Zero bought him for me as a patching-in present.
Even when I was a prospect, Zero could see I needed something to keep me grounded. Zero wasn’t president then, but he was being groomed. I guess just like I was. Zero and I found a rhythm that worked with our friendship. I’m glad in a way because without Zero’s intervention, I might have gone off the rails completely.
I joined the club searching for a way to aid in my addiction—seeking the thrill of the kill. Where better to delve into death than a biker club, right? But Zero taught me how to calm my rage. To only feed the addiction when the need called for it. Only on the assholes who were necessary to be disposed of. Otherwise, he told me I’ll get sloppy, and inevitably be caught like when I was sixteen.
I was lucky to get early parole, seems telling a sob story works sometimes. Some judges tend to be lenient when your backstory is as shitty as mine.
Zero thought if I had something to go to, something that was mine and mine alone, something I could talk to who would listen without judgment, it might help me, and he was right. Mack might be a dog, a big, fat, lazy, ugly-looking dog, but he’s mine. Plus, he does help. I’m not sure how, but he just does. Calms the storm that rages inside, even if only for a little while.
Taking another drink from the bottle, my jaw really begins to ache, and the alcohol isn’t cutting it anymore, so I slide the bottle over the bar. I’ve had enough. I need to stop moving my mouth and ice it.
Zero’s in Prinie’s room talking to her. Fuck only knows what she’s telling him.
Hell, Zero might come back for round two, and I probably deserve it.
I rub the side of my face, letting out a long exhale thinking back to an hour ago.
I threw my hands in the air, stepping right up into Prinie’s personal space. “What did you expect, huh?”
Prinie glared at me while shoving my chest. “Maybe that you’d changed. Clearly, I was wrong.”
I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “Why the fuck would you think that? I am who I am. I’m not going to pine over you because you took off for a year, princess. You left. You made that choice, not me.”
She groaned. “Why do you think I chose to leave, you selfish, arrogant, sadistic, vile piece of shit? What did I ever see in you?”
Ouch.
“Feeling’s mutual, sweetheart. You say I’m a vile piece of shit, but you’re the one who couldn’t keep your hands off me.”
She let out an anger-filled groan as she stomped toward the clubhouse doors. Obviously, she’d had enough of our conversation. She threw her hands up in the air cursing under her breath as I followed behind her.
Anger swarmed through me like a raging typhoon. “Stupid fucking woman,” I mumbled to myself. I needed to head for my room. I had to rub one out, get some of the sexual frustration out of my system, but Zero stepped in front of us both.
Prinie went to push past him, but he grabbed her arm, stopping her, and pulled her back to him. “Right, there’s gonna be no more avoidance. Tell me what the fuck’s going on with you two. You’ve both been fucking weird with each other since you got back, Prinie.”
Shit.
We were careless.
Letting our anger with each other overwhelm and take over.
Dammit! We’d become obvious.
Now Prinie’s brother, my best friend and president, could be onto us.
This was bad.
Very, very bad.
I avoided eye contact with Zero.
Prinie scoffed like she didn’t want any part of this conversation.
“No. You both had plenty of words to say a moment ago, you can’t go silent now, just because it’s me. What the fuck did you do, Wraith?”
I glared at him. Fuck Prinie, always getting preferential treatment. “Me? You have to assume it’s me, right? That your precious little princess isn’t a screw-up!”
“Ha! I’m a screw-up? Me? You’re the one who has a problem with screwing things.”
Zero jerked his head back at her comment.
Shit!
“Prinie, shut it,” I warned because she was going to give us away.
Zero’s cold, hard eyes narrowed in on me. Assessing me, while the wheels in his mind turned.
“Fuck you, Wraith! You have no right to tell me what to do. You lost that privilege when you walked out on me.”
My chest squeezed as I glared at Prinie. She practically told
