I look back to my daughter. “I just knew.”
“But how? And was it the same for my mother?”
I sigh, putting the magazine down on the tray table, adjusting my legs for the millionth time. Usually we fly first class everywhere, but since this trip to Madeira for Luciano’s wedding was so last minute, we’re crammed in the back with everyone else. Planes are not built for tall ex-football players.
“Look, I’m old enough to know,” my daughter says. “Shouldn’t you tell me all this before I fall in love?”
I can’t help but laugh. “Yes, I suppose. Now this isn’t a talk about, uh, well…something perhaps your mother should talk to you about?”
Her face scrunches with disgust. “Ew. No. I am not ever talking to you about sex.”
“Good.” Potentially awkward situation avoided, even though just mentioning it has left me feeling awkward.
“And I have talked about it with mama,” she says. “And if I have more questions, I’ll go to Vera. She’ll tell me the real truth.”
I give her a sharp look. “You don’t need to ask Vera about anything to do with that, alright?”
My god. I can’t imagine the advice she’d give her.
“Fine, fine,” she says, but her eyes are locked on me and she’s wearing that stubborn expression she’s perfected ever since she became a teenager. “Well?”
“Well what?” Perhaps playing dumb will work.
“Tell me about love. Tell me about all of it.”
I look around the cabin, searching for the flight attendant who might bring me a stiff drink, but alas in economy class, they’re nowhere to be found.
“Okay,” I tell her with a sigh. “What do you want to know?”
“How you knew. How you fell in love with my mother and how you fell in love with Vera.”
“Your mother,” I begin, “it was all very straight-forward. I was at an age when I thought I knew what love really was. That isn’t to say I didn’t love your mother, I did. I really did. But…when you’re young, you have different…parameters. I fell in love with her and she fell in love with me and we thought that was enough to get us through. It was certainly enough to bring you into the world. But as time went on, the love we had just wasn’t strong enough to keep us going.”
“And then you fell in love with Vera.”
“Yes. I did.”
“And so how did you know then? Did it really happen in an instant?”
I can’t help but smile, my chest growing warm. “It did. She sat next to me on the bus and my whole life changed.” Then I clear my throat, aware that I’m about to get very sentimental on her. “But I must admit, it makes me uncomfortable to talk about it. I know it made you uncomfortable the other day.”
“I know. But I want to know. And I want to hear it. I’m old enough. I don’t want to be left in the dark, I want to be treated like an adult.”
I twist in my seat to face her better, even though there’s barely any room.
“I took one look at Vera and I knew she was unlike anyone I had ever known. It wasn’t her age, it wasn’t her wild hair, or the fact that she was covered in tattoos. I knew she was my destiny, as corny as that sounds. There was something deep inside her that spoke to my soul on a very intimate level. The time we spent together at Las Palabras made love at first sight feel more like a reality. Each minute of each day I was thinking about her, and when I was with her, it was like the whole world disappeared.”
“But you and mama were married.”
I close my eyes for a moment, feeling the wash of shame come over me. “I was.” I look at her. “And I know falling in love with someone else was wrong. I handled it the best I could, considering the circumstances. Was I perfect? No. But I was at a point in my life where I was tired of trying to be perfect. Vera opened me up like a bird from a cage. She let me finally be free, to choose my needs first. I just wish that you and Isabel weren’t hurt in the process.”
Chloe Ann nods, her face grave. “It’s what I don’t understand about love. How it can be so powerful that you end up hurting other people for it?”
Shit. When she puts it that way…feels like a knife twisting in my gut.
“That’s the thing,” I say after a minute, licking my lips. “Love can bring you to your knees. When your heart decides on what it wants, nothing can stop it. Nothing.”
She nods and then sits back in her seat. “I hope I never fall in love. It sounds terrifying.”
I laugh. “Well you’re not wrong there. It is the most terrifying thing you’ll experience, but only because once you realize you love someone, you’ll live in fear of that love being taken away.”
“Do you fear losing Vera’s love?”
I shake my head. “No. Not on the surface. It’s a fear that runs deep, because you can’t imagine living your life without that person. Vera is my soulmate.” I glance over at her, still deep asleep. “She always will be. I do not fear she will leave, but it takes a lot of time to get to that place, and even then, you can’t help but hold on as tight as you can.”
“Do you think you’ll ever have another baby?”
Ah, the question we get all the time.
“Do you want to have a brother or sister?”
Chloe Ann makes a face and shakes her head adamantly. “No. Who has the time?”
I laugh. “You’re smart.”
“So you don’t want one?”
I suck in my lip for a moment, trying to say this as diplomatically as possible. “I am too old for another child, least that’s how I feel. And Vera doesn’t want children. I knew that before I married her, and I was fine with it. She’s very
