If I put myself in his position, I know I’d give all the money in the world to hear from Perry again. I’d do anything. Give my own life if it could save hers.
I’ve done it before.
And this time, it’s not exploitive. We could actually help someone. We could be in control. We could communicate with this woman and unite her with her lost loved one. We could make a real difference in the lives of the living and the dead.
And it would let Perry know that there’s nothing to fear here.
The past is behind us.
So are the people we were.
But we’re in control of the people that we can be.
It starts with facing our fears.
Naturally, a hundred grand comes along for the ride, just to sweeten the pot.
But money or no money, I know I’ve got my work cut out for me. Tomorrow is Halloween, and since we’re spending tonight with her family in Portland, we’re going to stay at a cabin on Cannon Beach tomorrow. Celebrating our wedding anniversary on Halloween felt fitting.
Yet, if tomorrow is supposed to be the best night to communicate with the dead, according to some witches or whatever, then it looks like our romantic getaway will have to be postponed.
Yeah. Perry is probably going to kill me if I push for this again.
Luckily, I know how to deal with her wrath.
* * *
The drive from Seattle to Portland is usually boring as shit, but this time it’s a little more exciting, thanks to my Highlander’s transmission problems when we stop for gas in Kelso. The car is usually reliable but this year it’s started to show its age and I know it’s only a matter of time before it starts to be a constant issue.
Thankfully I’m able to get it started after twenty minutes fiddling with the engine, while Perry threatens to call roadside assistance and take away my man card.
“You know, with a hundred grand, we could trade this puppy in and get one of them new hybrids,” I tell her once we’re back on the road, smacking the wheel.
I can feel the spike of anger from her and I glance at her. She’s all flinty-eyed.
“I thought we already discussed this,” she says.
“No, you said you would think about it.” I pause. “I know I’ve been thinking about it. A lot.”
She worries her lip between her teeth and looks out the window. “It’s a bad idea, Dex.”
“Why?”
“I already told you why. Don’t you listen to anything I say?”
I know it seems like I’m not listening, but I need to approach this whole thing from another angle.
“Let’s pretend I’m a fuckwit and you need to explain yourself again.”
She lets out a long, heavy sigh, putting her head briefly in her hands. “Fine. I don’t want to because I’m scared. Okay? You happy now?”
“Happy that you’re scared? No, baby. That doesn’t make me very happy.”
Honestly, I didn’t expect her to just admit it like that. She’s tough as shit and has been through so much, that it takes a lot for her to just be vulnerable, even with me, even after all this time.
We drive in silence for a few minutes. My mind is spinning over what she said. Even though I know facing her fears would be good for her, I could never put her in a position where she’s admittedly scared.
Not for all the money in the world.
“I’m sorry,” she says eventually.
“What for?”
“I know you really want this.”
I lick my lips, trying to weigh my words carefully. “It’s not that I really want this, Perry. I just…until you told me the truth, that you were scared, I just thought it was a good life-changing opportunity. It wasn’t just about the money, even though that’s a huge fucking part of it.”
“So what else is it about?”
“It’s like…you know, I like what I do, I like our company.” I give her a quick smile. “Love our company. It’s so very us and even though we’re quite niche, we’re able to make a living. It’s the perfect combination of the two of us. But…”
“But what?” She’s sitting up straighter, her eyes on me, bright and focused.
“I fucking hate to say this because it sounds ridiculous, but the two of us are special. I hate that word, hate it, but sometimes it makes sense. It does here. We’re unique. We have an ability that so few have. Don’t you think we’re supposed to do something with it? I mean what’s the fucking point of being able to see ghosts and travel through the Veil and talk to the dead if we’re not going to use it?”
She swallows, blinks at me.
I grip the wheel tighter, feeling that fear seeping out from her.
“I’m just being honest,” I tell her quickly. I give her an expectant look. “You know, once upon a time, that’s all you ever wanted from me.”
“I know when you’re being honest and when you’re not,” she says slowly. “Doesn’t mean I like to hear it.”
“Well, you just told me you were scared, so don’t worry. That trumps everything I just said.”
I exhale, the silence between us growing louder. I’m reaching for my phone to pick a playlist, when she grabs my hand, holding it tight.
“I love you, you know that,” she says softly.
I don’t know why every time I hear those words, my chest seizes, my stomach dips, like I’m hearing it again for the very first time. The intensity inside me, my feelings for her, they’ve only grown stronger over the years. Sometimes I find myself loving her so much that it scares me to my core. Maybe because in the back of my mind, there’s always that fear that I won’t have her forever. Deep down inside, I’m still that scared little boy that lost too much, too soon.
I’ve learned not to
