“I’ll have to check.” A stalling tactic.
“It’s a date. See you tomorrow, beautiful.”
“See ya.”
I hung up the phone wondering how he could be so cavalier. He didn’t skip a beat, sounding like his normal egotistical self. Was I missing something?
Alec pestered me at school the same as always. Unlike me, nothing had changed for him. He laid on his charm as thick as peanut butter, flattering me at every opportunity. I began to question what happened on Homecoming night and whether I had blown the events out of proportion. Still a bit forlorn about what transpired with Pete, I worried about screwing this up, too. I brushed off my nerves and let it go.
Friday night, Alec took me to see Midnight Express, the true story of a young American student sent to a Turkish prison for trying to smuggle hash out of the country. Scary and intense. Afterward, he took me to the Ice Creamery, where we ate hot fudge sundaes and talked about our favorite movies.
We drove to the Berkeley Marina and walked down one of the long piers. Boats bobbed up and down with the current with a lulling consistency. Stars speckled the midnight blue sky, and an almost full moon lit our path. His hand was warm in mine as we strolled. He stopped and pulled me to him, kissing me with tenderness. My body quivered, responding with a will of its own. My arms wrapped around his neck and he drew me tighter as our tongues intertwined, exploring each other’s mouths.
He paused. “You’re doing it to me again.”
“What?” I said, breathless.
“Making me crazy.”
I giggled.
“I think you put a spell on me,” he said, kissing me again.
Back in the car, Alec cracked open two beers, handing me one. “Cheers.” He clinked our bottles together, took a few swigs and slid the bottle back into the six-pack holder under his legs. He turned to me with a grin. “Now where did we leave off?”
Our lips met again, this time with more urgency. My body pulsed with an unfamiliar longing. His hands moved under my shirt and I willed myself not to stiffen. Let him do what he wants. Go with the flow. Don’t be some stupid girl who shows her naiveté. I didn’t need that much of a pep talk with his touch electric against my tingling skin.
As we kissed, his calloused hands roved. He unhooked my bra and touched my breasts. He lifted my shirt and his mouth took over where his hands left off. My breath drew in sharply, my whole body throbbing.
Alec groaned. He sat up, undid his zipper, freed himself and put my hand on his hardness. I kept my composure this time. Aside from some accidental sightings and one elementary schoolyard “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” moment, I’d never seen or touched a penis, especially one in this state. It was hard not to stare.
“Come here,” he murmured.
I leaned closer, thinking he was going to kiss me. But he didn’t. Instead, he pushed my head toward his crotch. Oh, God. I have never done this before.
“What are you waiting for?” he said, his voice hoarse.
Unsure, I bent over and closed my eyes. Alec thrust himself into my mouth, firmly holding his hands on the back of my head. I panicked, trapped, my impulse to break free. I couldn’t breathe for a minute.
Get a grip. Stay calm. Breathe through your nose. Concentrate. Don’t gag! That was nearly impossible the way he kept pushing my head down and grinding his hips upward. None of it excited me, but Alec panted harder and moved faster. I likened it a boxing match, trying to dodge and weave until I fought my way through it. Alex climaxed suddenly, his sour thick liquid spurting in my mouth. My body recoiled, and I forced myself to swallow. Only then did he let go of my head.
Free from his grasp, I gagged and shuddered, but stifled the urge to retch, thank God. I rolled down my window and gulped in fresh air. I re-hooked my bra and straightened my shirt. Still fighting the unpleasant aftertaste, I drank the rest of my beer.
Alec sat back, eyes closed, appearing to savor the moment. I felt dirty, sleazy and dismayed any girl enjoyed giving head. Maybe it really was true that nice girls didn’t do this kind of thing.
He zipped himself up, winked and started the car. “That was first-rate, sweetheart.” He cranked the stereo up loud and backed the car out.
The landscape turned from boats to cars as we left the marina, the city lights glistening from across the bay. I stared out the window while Alec sang loudly to a Foreigner song, strumming his fingertips on his steering wheel in time with the drums.
I miss Pete. He’s probably listening to music, hanging out friends and having a good time. And I’d be by his side if I hadn’t screwed things up. What I had gotten myself into with Alec? Maybe I was naive. Maybe this is what happened on dates. Maybe I was too immature to appreciate Alec’s attempts to induct me into the world of the sexually experienced. But riddle me this, Batman. If sex was so amazing, how come I felt small and used?
I think I made a HUGE mistake. It’s becoming a bad habit. I don’t know what to do. I can’t write about it because someone (like Ant...BUTT OUT, BRO) might read this and it’s too private. Please send me a sign. I’m drowning. Or abnormal. I’m totally confused and sad. And maybe pathetic.
When Michelle called Saturday morning and invited me to spend the night, I jumped at the chance. She also asked Katy, making it a proper slumber party. I wanted to be with my friends for a change.
We
