The problem was her inability to make a decision. She felt as if she didn’t belong anywhere. She was on a rocking ship with no anchor. No safe port in the storm of life. If only inspiration would strike, and she could find the same enthusiasm as Mary about the future.
“Do you think I will be able to see you soon?” Mary asked.
Beatrice opened her mouth to agree but hesitated. She didn’t want to lie. “It depends on where I go from here, I suppose. But I will do my best to visit you.”
“What do you mean?” Mary sat on the edge of the bed beside Beatrice, her brow furrowed. “Where are you going?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“Why wouldn’t you stay here? Lady Aberland seems to rely on you for assistance. You could be her companion.”
“She has two sisters and a mother and doesn’t need one. She’s been kind to allow me to stay as long as I have. I need to move forward like you. As soon as I decide what that means for me.”
“I hope whatever you decide, it will allow us to stay in touch. I owe you so much. If it weren’t for you, I’d still be in that terrible place.”
Beatrice smiled. “I’m so pleased you have a new life to look forward to. And I shall make certain we see each other again as often as possible.” Though she didn’t want to make promises she couldn’t keep, she felt compelled to reassure Mary. “Do you have everything?”
“Yes, I believe so.” Mary rose along with Beatrice and sniffed. “I hope this isn’t goodbye.”
Beatrice hugged her. “It won’t be. We’ll visit soon.”
“Thank you again. Please let me know if there’s ever a time when I can repay all you’ve done for me.”
Soon Mary was gone, the carriage taking her and Margaret to the dressmaker’s shop to begin her new life.
“I’m so excited for her,” Caroline said as she and Beatrice returned to the drawing room after bidding them goodbye. “Aren’t you?”
“Yes. I hope everything goes smoothly.” Beatrice drew a deep breath. “I will be leaving soon as well.” Perhaps saying it out loud would make it happen.
“What?” Caroline’s eyes went wide with surprise. “Where are you going?”
“I haven’t yet determined that, but the time has come to make a decision and move forward.” Why did the idea leave her feeling scared and lonely?
“But we’re scheduled to go to the Mastersons’ musicale tomorrow evening.”
“We are?”
“Didn’t I mention it? Forgive me.” Caroline waved her hand in the air. “My memory seems to fail far too often these days. Please wait another week or so. Just because Mary left doesn’t mean you should. Your situation is completely different.”
“How so?” The only difference seemed to be that Mary knew what she wanted whereas Beatrice didn’t.
“You can’t take just any position. You are a lady, a vicar’s daughter, and certain expectations come with that along with opportunities.” Caroline reached for Beatrice’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “The right solution will come along if you keep an open mind. I’m certain of it. I refuse to allow you to settle for anything less.”
Beatrice couldn’t help but smile, wishing she had some of Caroline’s optimism rather than a terrible feeling of emptiness.
DANIEL CLIMBED THE stairs to his brother’s drawing room the following afternoon where he had asked to speak with Beatrice, breathing slowly in an attempt to calm his nerves. It wasn’t working. He’d gone through various scenarios as to how best to propose but had yet to settle on one even though the moment was upon him.
Did he take the logical approach and suggest it would be the best solution for her? Yet he worried that would make it easy for her to refuse. She would never choose a particular path because it was less difficult.
Did he attempt another kiss and pose the question when the heat of passion carried her away? What if it didn’t? What if he’d been the only one caught up in the kisses they’d shared?
He worried that she would find some reason to refuse him and that no matter how he argued, he wouldn’t be able to change her mind. After all, he was far from perfect. He was used to living on his own and it would be an adjustment to have a wife. His reputation was far from pristine. What if she wanted to marry someone more like her father, a vicar even? Someone who wanted to spend his life serving others?
He truly felt they would suit well together. He liked and respected her. He admired her for a multitude of reasons and hoped she felt the same of him. Wasn’t that more than many couples shared at the beginning of their lives as a couple?
Or was it merely admiration?
An uncomfortable twinge pulled at his chest, causing him to rub it as he took the last step. With a deep breath, he moved into the drawing room, the sight of her sending a rush of longing through him.
She stood looking out the window, hands folded before her, wearing a primrose gown. She’d done something different with her hair, making her even more attractive.
That was the last thing he needed when he wanted to keep his wits about him.
“Good afternoon, Beatrice. I hope the day finds you well.”
She turned with a smile. “It does indeed. How is your injury?”
“Healing nicely. Thank you.”
His tension mounted as he moved closer. Though tempted to blurt out his question and hope for the best, just so he could get it over with and end the nerves that plagued him, that wouldn’t do.
If this was the moment that started the rest of their lives together, then it should be special and begin in an auspicious manner. But what did that mean?
“Mary has left from what Richard said,” he began as they sat on
