It didn't happen, though, what I thought was next. Instead of the proposal that I thought was coming, he said something about having to leave and left. That did not sit well with me.
After he left and I really started to think about it, it wasn't really that hard to understand. How could we be together in that way, married, if I wouldn't even meet Caroline? Why I hadn’t, I'm not really sure. Maybe I was afraid that it would solidify and make it all real. It sounded silly, I know, but I never thought I would be in this sort of situation. I never thought I would feel so vulnerable.
I knew that I had to do something to fix it. If I didn't want to be with him, I needed to decide that now, but when I thought about it, I realized that, of course, I did. He was the man that I’d been waiting for. I could try to pretend that it was something different than it was, but what was the point? I had been in love with Frank for as long as I could remember. He was my first love and if I was truly honest, I really wanted him to be my last. I never felt the same way about anybody else.
A plan started formulating in my head. I was going to make this right, even if it wasn't as easy as I would like it to be. It was going to be worth it.
The next day I went to the store and got everything that was needed for my grandfather’s favorite lasagna. When I had talked to Frank before, I remembered him saying that his daughter's favorite food was lasagna. I had the idea that I was going to invite them over and we could all finally meet. I wanted to believe that if we got together and we got over that first hurdle, then we could start planning the future that I now knew he was ready for. I guess just seeing it in real life, made me ready for it, too. I was so scared, mind you, but I wanted to believe that it was a good feeling. I should be a little nervous, right?
When I called Frank at work to see if he was available that evening, he was acting a little strange. I knew that it was because of the day before. He had been so worried about everything, that he hadn't even come out with why he was even there. It made me feel like I had made it worse. I wanted him to see that I was trying to make it better.
Finally, he answered and said he was busy.
“I was just going to invite you over for dinner tonight. Do you think you'll be able to make it?”
“I have my daughter tonight. I don't think I'm going to be able to get back over there for a few days.”
“I was talking about both of you.”
There was a pause on the other side of the phone, and I really wished then I could have seen his face. I would have liked the sight of it. When he finally talked again, there was shock in his voice.
“You are inviting me and Caroline over?”
He couldn't believe it and I actually felt a little bad about that. I had been so focused on trying to make sure that everything was done right, that I didn't even realize how he must have thought about it.
“Yes, it should have happened awhile back, but I guess I was just kind of nervous about next steps.”
“And, how do you feel about it now?”
“Honestly?”
“Yeah.”
“I'm happy that we are taking the next step. That is, if you want to.”
“Yes, Amber, I definitely want to take this to the next level.”
Even though I knew where his heart was, it was still good to hear how he was still of that mind. When he had left yesterday, I was afraid that maybe he wasn’t as sure as he had been before.
“I will see you at eight.”
I got off the phone before I could say something stupid. That seemed to be a common thing going on lately. As much as it was great with just me and him, what if it wasn't the same with all of us? What if she hated me? I hadn't been around that many kids and the whole idea of it freaked me out.
To me, it felt like our relationship was hinging on the whims of a child. That was a lot to take in and scary. I think that’s why I had put it off for so long, but now it was time to face the truth. No matter what that truth was.
When the clock was about ten minutes to six, that's when I started to get nervous. All day while I was cooking and getting the dining room ready for guests, I wasn't worried. I had enough to do to keep my mind and my hands busy. Now, though, things were different.
The doorbell rang and I actually jumped. I was lighting the candle for the table and then second guessing it. Was it too much? Do kids like candles? It became quite clear that I knew nothing about kids, and I was still amazed that Frank had done this by himself all these years. He was maybe a year older than me. I didn't even think it was a full year. The idea that he had taken on such a big responsibility at such a young age made me respect him even more.
The moment of truth had arrived and when I opened the door, I was pleasantly surprised to see a big smile on Caroline’s face. She had some cookies that she wanted to bring. She told me that she made them herself and I didn't get any of the attitude that I thought I would. I had seen movies where kids
