As we walked, I felt the familiar in his gait; however, it was different. More determined somehow, and he had a look on his face that was easily recognizable. He was happy to see me, just like I was happy to see him. I couldn't believe that we were back together, standing next to each other. It felt surreal, and I felt like I had gone back in time. This time, I remembered.
As we talked, it was just the same as before. Frank was pretty positive, and he always had a joke to deflect from a serious situation. I couldn't think of a more serious situation than a funeral, but I was already feeling better, knowing that we would get to spend some time together. How funny that I hadn't even thought about running into him.
“I still can't believe that you're here, standing next to me. This is sort of surreal.”
“How so?”
“I don't know. I worried that I would not be able to see you again.”
“Let's just say that I have thought about you over the years.”
“Is that so?”
I agreed that it was. It was so. I had wanted so badly to see him again. Now he was right in front of me and it was hard to say anything. He would not understand all of the feelings that I had going through me. I'm sure it was all in my head. It was ten years ago, after all. We only shared a couple of kisses, never going further than that. Why was I still thinking about him so much after all this time? He still popped into my head from time to time, and now he was making me tremble inside. How could I say any of that out loud, without being completely embarrassed?
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
I didn't know if he was messing with me or not, and I hesitated. Did I really want to put myself out there like that?
“Never mind. It was silly, anyway.”
“If you're asking whether I thought about you through the years, the answer is definitely yes. I don't think anybody could forget you, Amber.”
I don't know why his words made me so warm, but they did. He opened the door to the truck and waited a minute to let me in. Closing the door behind me, the window was open, and he assured me that he thought about me every single day since the last night on the roof.
When he got in next to me, I felt almost immediately shy. It was just like it had been so long ago. Frank had only been a year older than me back then, but he had seemed so much more worldly than I was. Even now, after I had spent time in France and started my own company, got my degree, became an adult, I still felt like there was something I was missing in growing up. Frank was just as out of my league as he had been before. He was always so sure of himself, and now he was built like an Adonis. It was hard not to feel intimidated.
I was trying to work out my feelings as we drove to his place. He was not living in his dad's old house, which I was thankful for. I asked about his family, and he didn't have much to say. He just said that everybody was fine. It was obvious that Frank didn't want to talk about his family, so I didn't push him. He’d had a strange relationship with them before, maybe some things hadn't changed.
“So, how are your folks doing?”
“Divorced, but I think both of them are happier now. My dad lives in Europe, and my mom met a guy and moved out to California. I see them on holidays and stuff, but not as much as I would like to.”
Frank said something about wishing his parents would divorce and find somebody to make them happy. “They're still just as miserable as ever.”
I told him that I was sorry to hear that, because I knew when he had talked about it before that it bothered him. Frank put on this smile and everybody believed it. Everybody thought that he was just this happy go lucky guy and usually he was, but there was a dark side to his life that he didn't talk about, except with me. So many nights we spent sharing everything on my grandfather’s roof. It was hard not to see him as that young boy, even though he was clearly such a man now. I wondered if that boy was still in there.
“So, I don't see any wedding ring on your finger. Am I to take it that you stuck with your promise to never get married? Never have kids?”
He said he did. “We're not that old, and I don't see you married, either.”
I felt my face getting red. Of course, if I was going to ask about his love life, he was going to ask about mine. I'm sure that his was better, though. I had not given up on love, but I had just taken some time off. I had dated a few people through the years, but it was hard to be with anyone when I knew that there was another person that was even better for me. Settling was harder than I thought it would be, and everything felt like settling because of Frank.
“Never mind, I guess I haven't found the right person yet.”
“It's hard to imagine that nobody has asked.”
“I didn't say that they hadn't. I just haven't said yes to any of them.”
“Heartbreaker then?”
I agreed reluctantly and realized that we were pulling into a driveway. Why was I so nervous to be alone with him all of a sudden? We had been alone together
