“No, Jul. I want to meet this person without them knowing who I am. Otherwise it’s too much pressure on me and what if they say no? I need you to get the info for me without UNOS knowing.”
“Millie…” Julie yanked the bottle from me and chugged the vodka, wincing as it went down. “That sounds like stalking.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Not really. I’ll just walk into their place of work, or business, or school, and strike up a conversation. I just want that little bit of contact and then everything will be okay. I need to see that Colin is living on.”
Julie shook her head. “I’m not even sure that I have access to that shit. It’s all in UNOS. I could be fired for even looking.”
I nodded. “But wouldn’t it be in Colin’s file from that night? Couldn’t you try?”
I’d known Julie Anderson since middle school. She was my ride or die. There’s nothing we wouldn’t do for each other.
She grabbed the bottle of vodka and started chugging.
The night passed in a blur of vodka and tequila shots and me crying. We’d long abandoned the wine and went straight for the hard stuff. At some point I think Julie threw me in the shower. The memories were hazy.
The next morning, when I woke, I thought I might actually be dead. Dead people didn’t feel pain though, right? A raging headache slammed into me before I’d even opened my eyes, which felt puffy and swollen shut. My stomach churned as finally I dared to crack my eyelids open.
“Ow.” Light crashed into my eyeballs and then into the back of my brain, causing pain to flare in my skull. I went to rub my face and felt a piece of paper stuck to my cheek.
“What the…?”
Peeling it off, I glanced at it with one blurry eye. I’d closed the other one in a survival effort to let in minimal light. In Julie’s drunken cursive script was a name and address.
Ashton Knight (28)
Wayne’s Place
300 Broadway Street, Nashville, TN 37208
Colin’s donor recipient
My breath hitched in my throat at those three words.
Colin’s donor recipient.
Then my eyes flicked to a moving pile of clothes on the floor.
Julie.
She sat up and grabbed her head, groaning.
“Oh, God, I’m so going to get fired,” she said, looking at the paper in my hands.
“How did you get this?” Everything hurt, but I didn’t care. I knew who Colin’s recipient was. Last night was a blackout drunk night, but I remembered the sense of calm that came over me when I’d decided to get closure and seek out the heart donor recipient.
“You don’t remember?” She stood and started to pace the floor, “Oh, God, I can’t believe I called UNOS.”
My eyes widened while Julie pulled out her blender and then manically shoved different fruits and veggies into it.
“You what?” I screeched; I must have definitely blacked out, because other than the shower and lots of crying, I had no recollection of anything. I never drank, so it was stupid that I’d started the afternoon off by pounding a bottle of vodka.
She nodded. “I said my hospital was doing a research study about heart donor recipients and I gave her my badge number.”
“Oh crap.” I stood.
When she flicked the blender on, we both flinched, and she turned it off immediately.
“Maybe she won’t follow up,” I said. I would die if Julie lost her job over my drunken epiphany.
My bestie poured two chunky half blended shakes into glasses and held one to her lips. “If my boss asks, I’ll deny it.”
I nodded. “I’ll say I stole your badge and computer, and that I did it.”
She winced. “No, you’ll go to jail. I’ll report it stolen this morning. Say I lost it on the subway.”
I waved my hand. “I’m a grieving widow, what are they going to do to me?”
She raised an eyebrow. “Put you in jail for impersonating a member of the medical community and stalking a patient.”
I frowned. “I haven’t stalked anyone … yet.”
She sighed. “You’re right, and you’re not going to.” Stepping forward, she yanked the paper out of my hand and shuffled over to the gas burner on her stove. In two clicks it was lit.
“Julie! No!” I tore forward. Was his name Ashland? Asher? I knew it was Nashville but I didn’t remember the address. My hungover brain hadn’t memorized anything yet.
She turned to look at me. “This is a dark path, Millie. This can’t end well. It’s time to let Colin go.”
Tears filled my eyes as panic took hold of me. My chest tightened with fresh grief at the thought of losing this guy’s information. “I will. I promise. I just want to say hi to this guy, see him … one time. Julie, don’t you dare burn that paper.” My voice shook as tears rolled down my cheeks.
My best friend in the whole world looked at me and I knew I’d hit rock bottom. This was desperate as fuck and I didn’t care. I’d call my shrink later and deal with it, but for now I needed that address like I needed air.
“Jul…” A sob formed in my throat. “I need it.” My hand shook as I reached out for the paper. “I just need to meet him. One meeting and I’ll let Colin go.”
She sighed, turning off the burner. “Promise? One meeting and you will move on?”
I nodded. “I’m ready.”
With one final look, she handed me the paper.
Ashton Knight.
I prayed he would be the final piece to heal my heart, and not my undoing.
I wasted no time in booking a ticket to Nashville, renting a car, and heading over to the address on the paper. Julie thought I’d lost my mind when I told her I wanted to head out of town first thing. I just needed this tightness in my chest to go away, I just wanted my closure so I could move on. I’d been parked outside
