and the blessing gone
if I forget
my Babylon
I did not know
and I could not see
who was waiting there
who was hunting me
by the rivers dark
where it all goes on
by the rivers dark
in Babylon
LOVE ITSELF
for L.W.
The light came through the window,
Straight from the sun above,
And so inside my little room
There plunged the rays of Love.
In streams of light I clearly saw
The dust you seldom see,
Out of which the Nameless makes
A Name for one like me.
I’ll try to say a little more:
Love went on and on
Until it reached an open door –
Then Love Itself was gone.
All busy in the sunlight
The flecks did float and dance,
And I was tumbled up with them
In formless circumstance.
Then I came back from where I’d been
My room, it looked the same –
But there was nothing left between
The Nameless and the Name.
I’ll try to say a little more:
Love went on and on
Until it reached an open door –
Then Love Itself was gone.
YOU HAVE LOVED ENOUGH
I said I’d be your lover.
You laughed at what I said.
I lost my job forever.
I was counted with the dead.
I swept the marble chambers,
But you sent me down below.
You kept me from believing
Until you let me know:
That I am not the one who loves –
It’s love that seizes me.
When hatred with his package comes,
You forbid delivery.
And when the hunger for your touch
Rises from the hunger,
You whisper, “You have loved enough,
Now let me be the Lover.”
THOUSAND KISSES DEEP
for Sandy 1945–1998
1.
You came to me this morning
And you handled me like meat
You’d have to be a man to know
How good that feels how sweet
My mirror twin my next of kin
I’d know you in my sleep
And who but you would take me in
A thousand kisses deep
I loved you when you opened
Like a lily to the heat
I’m just another snowman
Standing in the rain and sleet
Who loved you with his frozen love
His second-hand physique
With all he is and all he was
A thousand kisses deep
I know you had to lie to me
I know you had to cheat
To pose all hot and high behind
The veils of sheer deceit
Our perfect porn aristocrat
So elegant and cheap
I’m old but I’m still into that
A thousand kisses deep
And I’m still working with the wine
Still dancing cheek to cheek
The band is playing Auld Lang Syne
The heart will not retreat
I ran with Diz and Danté
I never had their sweep
But once or twice they let me play
A thousand kisses deep
The autumn slipped across your skin
Got something in my eye
A light that doesn’t need to live
And doesn’t need to die
A riddle in the book of love
Obscure and obsolete
Till witnessed here in time and blood
A thousand kisses deep
I’m good at love I’m good at hate
It’s in between I freeze
Been working out but it’s too late
It’s been too late for years
But you look fine you really do
The pride of Boogie Street
Somebody must have died for you
A thousand kisses deep
I loved you when you opened
Like a lily to the heat
I’m just another snowman
Standing in the rain and sleet
But you don’t need to hear me now
And every word I speak
It counts against me anyhow
A thousand kisses deep.
2.
The ponies run the girls are young
The odds are there to beat
You win a while and then it’s done
Your little winning streak
And summoned now to deal
With your invincible defeat
You live your life as if it’s real
A thousand kisses deep.
I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed
I’m back on Boogie Street
You lose your grip and then you slip
Into the Masterpiece
And maybe I had miles to drive
And promises to keep
You ditch it all to stay alive
A thousand kisses deep
Confined to sex we pressed against
The limits of the sea
I saw there were no oceans left
For scavengers like me
I made it to the forward deck
I blessed our remnant fleet
And then consented to be wrecked
A thousand kisses deep
I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed
I’m back on Boogie Street
I guess they won’t exchange the gifts
That you were meant to keep
And sometimes when the night is slow
The wretched and the meek
We gather up our hearts and go
A thousand kisses deep
And fragrant is the thought of you
The file on you complete
Except what we forgot to do
A thousand kisses deep
SPLIT
What can I do
with this love of mine
with this hairy knob
with this poison wine
Who shall I take
to the edge of despair
with my knee on her heart
and my lips in her hair
So I’ll take all my love
and I’ll split it in two
and there’s one part for me
and there’s one part for you
And we’ll drink the wine
and we’ll hide the staff
and the lover will groan
and the other will laugh
And I’ll go to your bed
and I’ll lie by your side
and I’ll bury the bones
and I’ll marry the bride
And you’ll do the same
when you come to my room
You’ll dig in my dirt
and you’ll bury the groom
And I swear by this love
which is living and dead
that we will be separate
and we will be wed
– Mt. Baldy, 1994
ALEXANDRA LEAVING
after “The God Abandons Anthony,” by C. Cavafy
Suddenly the night has grown colder.
Some deity preparing to depart.
Alexandra hoisted on his shoulder,
they slip between the sentries of your heart.
Upheld by the simplicities of pleasure,
they gain the light, they formlessly entwine;
and radiant beyond your widest measure
they fall among the voices and the wine.
It’s not a trick, your senses all deceiving,
a fitful dream the morning will exhaust –
Say goodbye to Alexandra leaving.
Then say goodbye to Alexandra lost.
Even though she sleeps upon your satin.
Even though she wakes you with a kiss.
Do not say the moment was imagined.
Do not stoop to strategies like this.
As someone long prepared for this to happen,
Go firmly to the window. Drink it in.
Exquisite music. Alexandra laughing.
Your first commitments tangible again.
You who had the honour of her evening,
And by that honour had your own restored –
Say goodbye to Alexandra leaving.
Alexandra leaving with her lord.
As someone long prepared for the occasion;
In full command of every plan you wrecked –
Do not choose a coward’s explanation
that hides behind the cause and the effect.
You who were bewildered by a meaning,
whose code was broken, crucifix uncrossed –
Say goodbye to Alexandra leaving.
Then say
