I don’t immediately go to make coffee, and Zoe doesn’t seem surprised. We both just stand there inside the door, staring at each other.
“Was it true? All of it?”
Zoe’s brows shoot up. “Of course it was true!”
Her hair is up in a messy bun, as I’ve come to expect from her when she’s not at work. She’s also wearing a yellow maxi dress today that makes her look like a goddess. The dress is pretty lightweight, and it drapes over her curves and highlights them nicely. In it, she’s practically good enough to eat, and I would, again, if I thought there was a chance in hell she’d let me.
Somewhere in the distance, thunder rumbles ominously, like an exclamation point at the end of Zoe’s outraged statement.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. It was more a statement of horrified disbelief, not actual doubt.”
“What’s the difference?”
“The difference is, I believe you. And I’m sorry.”
Zoe glances at the window. I follow suit and realize it’s starting to rain. Huge drops splatter against the small windowpane that overlooks the table and chairs.
“Looks like you might get stuck here in a few minutes. I didn’t think it was supposed to storm today.”
“I guess it’s hot and humid enough to bring on a real nasty one.” Zoe looks like she’s bracing for it. “I heard thunder.”
“You always liked storms.”
“Yeah, when I was somewhere safe—somewhere with a basement to hide, in case something fell out of the sky.”
“I think if anything were going to fall out of the sky, the people who own this place would give us some warning or get us to safety. They probably have a crawl space under the lodge or something.”
“It would be dark there,” Zoe says. She studies me intently, her eyes burning straight through me. “Why were you always so scared of the dark anyway?”
Even thinking about a dark, dank, and cramped space makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end while the chicken sandwich I ate for lunch churned unpleasantly in my stomach. That one—dark and cramped—would be a double doozy. I don’t like either of those things.
“I don’t know.” I feel like I owe Zoe some kind of honesty after her big confession at lunch. “I always was, ever since I was little. I’m not sure why. Are fears rational?”
“No. Most of the time, they’re not, but don’t you grow out of that? Being afraid of the dark?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s not so much the dark but the things that happen in it.”
“All the bad things happen at night, hmm?”
“Not by a long shot. I don’t know. Maybe I watched something that scared the shit out of me when I was really little. I have no idea. I always just was. Kind of like how people are scared of spiders or snakes or things like that without having had anything bad happen to them.”
“But those are different. They’re creepy, slithery, and crawly. And even if they’re not poisonous, if they get on you, there’s a good chance they could kill you.”
“From a heart attack or hyperventilation?”
“Something like that. Or from just being so grossed out.”
“Maybe the dark is the same way.”
“Better hope the power doesn’t go out then,” Zoe says after another loud clap of thunder that is most definitely getting closer.
“It’s the middle of the day. It won’t be dark for hours yet.”
“Hmm.” Zoe turns her head back to the window. “I guess I should make a break for my cabin before it really starts pouring out there.”
“Yeah, I guess you should.”
“I’ll go then.”
“Alright.”
“Right now.”
“Okay.”
“Right this minute.”
“It’s your decision.”
“Hmm.”
Neither of us moves. Both of us just stand there, staring out the window, trying to pretend we don’t feel the storm gathering inside the same way we can see the one developing outside, and trying to pretend that from the first, we haven’t wanted each other. Okay, I mean the first time we saw each other again as adults. Or that there hasn’t been this strange pull towards one another. Maybe there are even forces out there stronger than just desire. Who knows, perhaps it’s more than that. And maybe this was the universe’s way of throwing us together. I never believed in destiny, and I didn’t even believe in soulmates. When you get used a couple of times, dumped a few more, and basically seen as just a dollar sign or as someone who can do something for someone else, that’s it. You get used to thinking you’re probably never going to have a meaningful experience with another person. Ever.
But what I feel with Zoe is different. It’s new. It’s not those butterflies you get with your first crush, and it’s not straight-up desire. It’s not just physical.
I felt it right away, and I most certainly feel it now.
I want to ask her if she feels it too, or point out that I think it’s obvious she at least feels something because we’ve done a few things
