I think that’s why I agreed to spend more time with him. I don’t want to admit it to myself but what happened this morning has scared me. I don’t want to be on my own and only two people I know make me feel safe. But one of them I don’t want to see right now.
So at the moment I only have one plan.
I have to stay near to Chris.
We arrived back at my house and Chris instructed me to go and get the keys for the car straight away. I think he could tell that I was nervous and didn’t want me to change my mind.
Now we are sat in the car and I’m just sitting here. Not talking. Not driving. Not doing anything. Chris is just sat patiently next to me. After five minutes of silence, he breaks it.
“Alex, we don’t have to do this you know. We can just do it another time. Or never if you don’t want to.” He’s looking at me with a concerned frown on his face.
“No, I want to. I need to. I’m going to do this. I just need a few minutes. I can do this.” I say to him, but the last part is mostly just a quiet whisper to myself. I can see him nodding his head and he just waits patiently again. After a few more minutes I turn the key in the ignition, and I notice Chris look up at me with a huge smile on his face. He looks proud too. It’s a good feeling to think that I have made him proud.
“Okay, now what?” I ask hesitantly.
“Alright, well the only thing that is different from what you are used to, is your feet and the gears. The way you steer, signal, use your mirrors, all stays the same. So it’s not like you’ve got to learn it all, all over again. You just need to get used to using both feet.” He says it like he has a lot more confidence in me than I have in myself. I slowly nod my head and wiggle both my feet.
“Okay, so you have to put your left foot on the clutch, this one here” he says while pointing into the foot well of the car.
“All the way to the floor and move the gear shift into first.” He goes on to explain how to do it. And has me practice putting the gearshift into each of the gear places so I am familiar with where they should be. I start to practice getting it into first and raising my foot from the clutch. I stall it a couple times but finally find the right place where I need to lift the clutch to, to pull off slowly and smoothly. I start to drive around the yard. I’m so happy. I did it. I really did it.
However the car now sounds like its about to die on me. I give Chris a worried look of panic, to which he just laughs.
“You need to put it in second. You can’t drive everywhere in first. While you’re still moving, push the clutch right down to the floor and at the same time ease off the gas, and change from first to second.” He coaches me easily.
Okay, maybe I can’t do it. The car comes to a jerky stop.
“You’re doing great babe, don’t worry. Just restart the car and go again. It’s just going to take a little practice that’s all. But when you’ve got it, you’ll be great.” I notice his use of the word babe but don’t comment on it, I have more important things on my mind than nicknames. Like driving.
“I’m glad you’re so positive, because I’m not to sure.” I reply, a little disappointed that I couldn’t just do it straight away like I thought I would be able to.
We spend another hour going through the gear changes while the car was actually moving and I’m much better by the end, Although, I’ve still not been out on the road, I think that’s a challenge for another day. Hearing his stomach asking for food I decide to ask him if he wants to stay for something to eat. He seems totally shocked by my asking, but can’t stop a big grin form appearing.
“Yeah if you’re sure you and your aunt won’t mind.” I shake my head and walk around the truck heading for the front door.
“No she won’t mind, and I need to say thank you.”
“Alex, you really don’t have to say thank you. This is what friends do.”
“And is that what we are? Friends?” I stop walking and ask him.
“I’d like to think we are. I hope we are.” He looks to me questioningly. I smile up to him.
“Yes, I’d like to think that we are too. Friends. And thank you. I do need to say it.” I say honestly.
“Okay, well you’re welcome.” I just nod to what he says and go to carry on walking, but he gently pulls on my elbow to guide me back to him.
“So you know how we’re friends now, I just wanted to let you know that if you ever wanted to talk to someone I’m here. I know I’m a guy and that I sometimes, well most of the time, I joke around, but I’m here. Okay?”
“Yeah okay, thanks Chris.” I go to carry on walking but he stops me again.
“I know
