I felt like everything around me was going up in flames.
Chapter Twelve
Emily
The whole ride back to my apartment, I stared out the window.
My nerves were jittery. I was so unsettled. I couldn’t stop picturing Miranda and Liam standing there, gently arguing, talking about their wedding, only to have me pulled right into the mix of it all.
Which I did not need. I did not ask to be part of it.
Watching Miranda and Liam get closer was one thing. Even when they got engaged… that was a whole other thing to hear about.
I was never sure if it was actually real or not.
Then to hear that Liam had been handling most of the wedding plans…
The car came to a stop.
I climbed out without saying thanks or goodbye.
Not that it was a requirement, I felt guilty as I slammed the door and the car sped away.
I wandered into the building and up to my apartment, alone, my head kind of spinning.
What the hell did Miranda want me to do? Stand in for her and pretend to be Liam’s fiancée? And do what? She’s the one going to Boston. She’s bailing, right?
Well, no, she’s going to a conference and then she’s going to network. That’s what her dream is.
But why even mention the wedding plans then? Does it mean that much to Liam? Why does it mean that much to him? If she’s not involved…
None of those questions or their answers were my business.
I didn’t make it ten steps into the apartment before I turned around and left.
I stopped at Miss Crabapple’s apartment to see if she wanted to go up on the roof for a little bit.
Since that was her only adventure left in life, she wasted no time in grabbing a light jacket and joining me in the hallway.
“You look sad, Emily,” she said to me.
“Ever have a day where nothing bad happens, yet it feels like it did?” I asked.
“Sure. We all have those days.”
“That’s today for me.”
“Can I tell you something you won’t want to hear?” Miss Crabapple asked.
“Of course.”
“What you just said… was a total lie.”
“What?”
“If you feel like you’re having a bad day, it’s because you are. Because something is eating at you.”
I opened my mouth to respond but knew better.
Cancer or not, Miss Crabapple was smart and fierce.
“Right now I just want to look at the stars,” I said.
Miss Crabapple gently elbowed me. “And think about some guy that broke your heart?”
“No,” I said.
She winked at me.
I was such a bad liar.
When we got up on the roof, I saw Buzzy near the edge of the building, hugging herself, crying.
I looked at Miss Crabapple and she nodded to me.
It meant to let her stay in place and I needed to go get Buzzy.
I touched Buzzy’s shoulder and she let out a scream.
“Buzzy,” I said. “It’s just me. What’s wrong?”
Buzzy turned and hugged me.
She all but collapsed into me.
I looked at Miss Crabapple and she was slowly starting to sit down.
My fingers caressed Buzzy’s soft hair. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s okay.”
Buzzy looked up at me. “Oliver said I’m fat.”
“He what?”
“What was that?” Miss Crabapple yelled.
“Come on,” I said. “Come sit down and talk.”
I took Buzzy by the hand, walked her to a chair and made her sit down.
She pulled the sleeves of her long shirt over her hands and wiped her eyes.
“Tell me this story,” Miss Crabapple said in an angry voice.
“Let her talk,” I said.
“I don’t know what to say,” Buzzy said. “I thought Oliver and I were getting close. You know? We were texting a lot. He asked to come over and I said I didn’t feel comfortable about it. Not with my mother being gone. And I just… I don’t know. I don’t think I want to be alone with a boy.”
“That’s fine,” I said. “That’s your decision to make.”
“I guess Oliver got mad,” Buzzy said. “He told everyone that I was too fat to hug. And he would never kiss me. Or do more. Because I was too… big…”
I saw her teeth chattering as she fought back the urge to cry.
“Oh, that little shit stain,” Miss Crabapple said. “You take me to his house right now and I’ll beat him with my cane. Emily, go get my cane. I swore I’d never walk with it, but that damn thing can smarten him up.”
I crouched before Buzzy.
I touched her shoulders. “You’re not going to like this… and it might be the worst thing to say…”
“What?” Buzzy asked.
“You are not fat,” I whispered. “You are not big. Too big. You are perfect the way you are. Some people are tall. Some are short. Some are naturally skinnier than others. Some are curvier than others. Every girl… woman… everyone has their own… shape…”
“Screw this,” Miss Crabapple groaned. “I’m a dying woman over here. I don’t have time to waste. Buzzy. You look at me. Right now.”
Buzzy turned her head. “I’m looking.”
“If a boy wants to say something like that, it means he’s the one who has the problem. Not you. And don’t you dare change who you are for someone else. Ever. Tell me you hear that.”
“I hear it,” Buzzy said.
“Now get my damn cane,” Miss Crabapple said.
“Let’s not,” I said.
“I’ll go to jail for you, Buzzy,” Miss Crabapple said.
Buzzy smiled. “Thanks.”
“We’re not beating up Oliver,” I said. “He’s the one who has to live with what he said. And you know what, Buzzy? He wants you to react. So don’t. Don’t give that slimeball a second of your time. Got it? You go to school tomorrow as you always do. You are perfect and you are beautiful. And listen to what Miss Crabapple said. Don’t ever change who you are for someone.”
“You wouldn’t change for that boy you liked?” Buzzy asked, referring to Liam.
“No,” I said. “Never.”
Then again, if I had to be honest with myself…
When it came to Liam all those years ago…
I would have done anything to get closer to him.
