“I hate that I couldn’t fucking save her. When she told me to leave her, I felt a piece of me break off and stay with her. I couldn’t leave her, and I wouldn’t have if she was still breathing when the fire caught that room. When the light left her eyes and her body became limp, I knew that I had to go or I would be gone too,” I say, not bothering to hide how broken this mess left me.
He nods his head. “I know, brother. You would never leave a man or woman behind. I know that. I know it’s killing you, but you’ve got to stop beating yourself up because she told you to leave; she wouldn’t want you out here hating yourself while you could be holding the love of your life. Every moment should be cherished.”
I nod my head with everything he says. Stacey wasn’t a selfish person.
“I just wanted you to know that. I haven’t been back to the house since the night I lost her. I walked in and saw that fucking box and it fucking broke me. I’m not ready to open it and I don’t know if I will ever be ready. Seeing it just makes me sick knowing that I either have to open it or toss it. Makes it fucking final, you know? Real,” he says.
Before either of us knows what’s happening, a blur of Sophie runs past me throwing her arms around Torch.
She’s practically sobbing into his chest. “I’m so sorry you lost her. I don’t want you to be broken. I’m so sorry, Torch!” she says.
He hugs her tight.
“I know your fucking sorry, darling. It’s not your fault, I’m not going to tell you again,” he says to her and holds her until his sobs subside.
“Listen, I’m not right and I’m not going to be right for a long time. I figured I would tell you while my head was still partly there. I don’t know if I want to dig myself out of this darkness.”
I nod my head, and Sophie moves back and into my arms.
We stand there and watch as Torch starts his bike and heads out of there.
I walk Sophie in the house and hold her as she cries herself to sleep.
We all grieve in our own ways.
I prefer to suffer in silence.
Sophie needs to let it all go until her body is exhausted from crying and she can’t stay awake anymore.
Torch is probably going to drink and lose himself until someone or something pulls him back from the darkness.
There is no one right way to grieve. There is no specified time when you will heal, or a designated time when it gets easier to breathe in the morning.
The whole club will deal with Stacey’s death in different ways.
As I fall asleep holding my woman, I just hope that our grief is something that will bring us together and not tear us apart.
Chapter Twenty Four
Sophie
Everything was set up for the charity event in Stacey’s name.
I couldn’t believe that we actually pulled it off in time for prom.
The response we got was amazing. There were a lot of locals, and people in surrounding towns and cities, who couldn’t afford to dress up for prom.
What was also amazing was the amount of people that volunteered their time or gave away old and new dresses. Today was the day our town was hosting prom, but we also had surrounding towns’ proms to work at in the following weeks.
These were girls and boys who wanted help. I didn’t want anyone to feel ashamed to take some help.
The fact that a lot of Snakes brothers were standing around making sure that no one was bullied was amazing. You could tell that the Snakes had the town’s support.
Ella was running around making sure that everything was perfect and everyone was having a good time.
“I’m so proud of you, baby,” Trigger says whispering into my ear.
I shrug. “I didn’t do anything. I just came up with the idea,” I say. I can’t take the credit for this. This is everyone’s doing, coming together and helping out in a way that reminds us of Stacey.
When everyone is ready to go, Prez stands in front of the building where we are hosting the event, and everyone waits for him to talk.
“I want to thank everyone for being here. This has been a very hard few weeks for the men and women of my club. Those of you know that we have lost one of our own. I can say that Stacey was like a daughter to me. She was an Old lady of the club, and my son’s girlfriend. It cut me and everyone in my club deeply when she was taken from us. There will be no one who can replace her; she held a special something that we all will long for and look for in other people. Stacey loved all aspects of her salon in addition to fashion. Being in foster care herself, she never had the opportunity to get a dress and go all out for prom, the money wasn’t there for it. Prom was something she felt like she had been denied growing
