Safe in a way I haven’t had for years.
Dave and I had a good marriage. I’d grown used to having a man by my side. Our household duties were split, not that he wouldn’t take a turn at the cooking, but I normally found another job for him instead. That cupboard’s loose. The yard needs cutting. He’d taken most of the financial burden as his wage was higher than mine, but I had my own bank account, and knew how to manage my money.
When he’d gone, I thought I could manage to get through life, that the devastation of his loss was the overriding emotion. That soon began to be usurped by a sense of how useless I was. Putting together a new bed for Alicia had seen me in frustrated tears, so had dealing with the insurance company who tied me in knots. I’d come through, stronger than before.
I don’t need a man in my life, but it sure would be nice to have one. One I can depend on.
As I’m beginning to trust Grumbler’s handling of the bike and ultimately my life, I realise I’m ready to trust him with something else—my happiness.
It’s almost an hour later when we draw back up at my house.
“Around the block? Really?” I dismount, take off my helmet and stand with my hands on my hips.
He smirks widely, completely unabashed. “Told you to tap me on my shoulder if you wanted to stop. You didn’t, so…” He shrugs.
“I was scared for my life,” I tell him, unable to keep the grin off my face. “Couldn’t let go of you long enough to give you the signal.”
He snorts. “Yeah, I felt you feeling up my abs.” He approaches me, takes the helmet from my hands, and twists one hand in my hair. “Tell me you hated it, babe.”
I can’t tell him that. Instead, something else comes out of my mouth. “Yes, to being your old lady. Yes, to playing with fire and seeing how things pan out.” His wild side, how he lives on the edge, must be rubbing off on me.
“Fuck, woman. You’re perfect.” He leans down to rest his forehead against mine. “I’ll make sure you don’t regret it.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Grumbler
I enjoy what I can spend of the evening with Mary and Alicia, not minding we’re eating takeout—a common occurrence, but one quite explainable. Mary works.
“Mom always gets takeout,” Alicia complains. “Marisa’s mom cooks every night.”
“You get in earlier than your mom,” I observe. “You could get something going for dinner.”
Alicia’s eyes snap to mine, then slowly a snide grin spreads over her face. “I love takeout.”
“Were you brought up on home-cooked meals, Grumbler?” Mary asks.
I nod, swallow, then tell them, “Actually I was. Mom knew her way around a kitchen as it happens. But you know what? I fuckin’ yearned for takeout.”
“Guess we always want what we can’t have,” Alicia observes.
She’s not wrong there.
Right now, I want to stay here and lock the rest of the world out, but I’ve responsibilities, and fuck knows, I’m eager to deal with them. All too soon, I’m heading for the door. Mary comes with me.
“We’re going to have to tell her soon.” I jerk my head to Alicia’s room where she’s disappeared again.
Mary grimaces. “Leave that to me. If what’s between us is going to work, she’s got to be on board with it. I mean, where are we going to live for a start? I’m hoping being your old lady won’t mean you’ll just pop by for booty calls.” When I widen my eyes and shake my head, she offers, “You could move in here.”
“Come and see my place this weekend,” I counter. “See if you think that can work. Or, if you want, we could buy something together. Make a fresh start.”
“I don’t care where we live as long as I have my own room.”
Both Mary and I jump so fast, it’s comical. Behind Mary, out of immediate view, stands her teenage daughter. She’s a fucking ninja.
“Or,” I suggest, looking seriously down at Mary. “You could move in with me, and we’ll leave Alicia here.”
“Can I? Can I have my own place?” The glee with which my inane suggestion is greeted draws one word out of both of our mouths at once.
“No.”
“Aww, shucks. Having two parents is going to suck. Later, Grumbler.” Alicia disappears back into her room, carrying a bag of chips.
“Guess you won’t need to have that chat after all. How the fuck is she still hungry?”
“Growing teenager.” Mary rolls her eyes. “You going to be back, later?”
I wish I could. But I’ve no idea what the night’s going to hold. “Probably not, but I’ll catch up with you tomorrow, okay? I’ll check in with you when I can.”
“You’re going after Devon, aren’t you?” When I stay silent, there’s another roll of her eyes. “Just remember, that this time club business is my business. I need to know that video has been destroyed.”
Leaning down, I take her lips with mine, trying to imprint her taste on my memory to last me through the next few hours.
“Be careful.”
“Always am, babe.” I put my lid on my head and pull on my gloves. Part of me wishes I didn’t have to leave her but know if I’m going to put her troubles to bed, I’ve got to go do what has to be done.
In my rearview, as I drive off, I see her waiting at the end of the driveway until I disappear around the corner, as though she wanted to keep me in sight as long as she could.
How the fuck did I get so lucky?
Then, I try to put her out of my head and get my mind back into the game. Tonight will be too serious for me to allow myself to be distracted. I’ve got to be one-hundred-percent focused on the task ahead. To be anything else would be dangerous.
While it’s still an hour or more before we’re due to leave, when I arrive back at
