“I was never with her, so it’s hardly a break-up.” I spoon some honey into the milk and stir it until it boils.
“Girls always read too much into things. She’s been sharing your bed. In her head, that made her close to becoming your ol’ lady,” she says. I pour the hot milk into a mug and hand it to her. “How did it go with Reggie?”
I take the seat next to her and sip my coffee. “He knows you’re not going home.”
“I’m not?” she asks. I shake my head. “What did he say to that?”
“Don’t worry about him. I’ll deal with him.”
“Club business,” she says, throwing my words back from earlier.
“No,” I mutter, shaking my head. “I just don’t want you to worry. That’s my job.” We fall quiet for a few minutes, both sipping our drinks. “Did he hit you a lot?” I ask.
Anna chews on her lower lip and then nods. “Eva doesn’t know the extent. I felt stupid because I stayed so long. Then every time I left, he’d force me back.”
“Something he said tonight got in my head,” I mutter. The thought of him beating her and then having sex makes me sick to my stomach.
As if reading my mind, she shakes her head. “I didn’t enjoy anything he did to me. He’d say I did. It was my body’s reaction to sex, I guess,” she trails off. “Shit, this isn’t the kind of talk for four-thirty in the morning.”
“I don’t get men who hit women like that. Why do they beat on a woman to make themselves feel powerful?”
“Reggie’s cruel. His words, his actions, things he’d force me to do— he’s just cruel. He likes to show me that I’m not in control, he is. He likes pain, inflicting it. It gets him off,” she explains. I groan. I don’t need that image in my head. “He would cut me and enjoy that I was in pain.” She sighs and takes a drink of her milk. “You asked Bonnie for skin,” she says, staring down into her mug. “You told me that you never had sex with her, but then I heard you tell her that you needed to feel her skin against yours.”
I cringe. I hate that she heard that. “I didn’t lie to you, Anna. I wouldn’t. I was drunk that night. I said some stupid shit to her, but I swear I never meant a word of it. I didn’t lay a finger on her, and I’ve spoken to her. That’s why she was pissed earlier. I told her straight that we weren’t ever gonna happen like that.”
“So, there’s nothing going on with you and her?” she asks, and I shake my head in response. “Why did Michelle leave?” she adds.
“I cheated on her,” I say, looking her directly in the eyes. “I cheated over and over. Broke her heart and she turned to drugs. Turns out, they made her happier than I did. Growing up in this life is hard. I watched the guys with the club whores. It’s just part of it. I was a horny young teenager and girls were throwing themselves at me. I was gonna be the club’s next president and every girl wanted to be my ol’ lady. Michelle didn’t.” I smile at the memory of Michelle in college. “I liked that about her. There were no expectations for me to make her part of the club, but she fell into it and she fitted in here. I loved her, so fucking much.” The usual pain that I get when I think about my relationship with Michelle squeezes my heart. “But I thought it was okay to cheat. She was pregnant and wasn’t interested in sex. I stupidly thought that mattered. Fuck, I was such an ass.”
“How did she find out?” she asks.
“Club whores talk. I guess it just got back to her. She stayed, and when she confronted me, I admitted it. I blamed it all on her because that’s the kind of dick I’d become, but she stuck around for Ziggy’s sake. The club was her support. We tried to make it work, but I loved the other life too much. I pushed her over the edge.”
“That’s why you help her out? Your mom told me you buy her groceries and check in on her.” I nod. “I think that’s sweet. You recognize what you did was fucked up and you’re trying to make up for it.”
“It’s not enough though. She’s not ready to get better. I’ve got Blade bringing that shit into her so she doesn’t leave to look for it. How messed up is that?”
Anna places her hand over mine and smiles. “If it keeps her safe, then it’s what you have to do.”
I turn my hand and take her fingers in mine, gently caressing the back of her hand. “So, what about after Michelle?” she asks.
“After?” I repeat. “There’s been no one after.”
She laughs and rolls her eyes in disbelief. “Yeah, right.”
“I’m being honest. After Michelle, I re-evaluated my life. Of course, I’ve had sex, but nothing meaningful, and for the last year or so, I’ve not bothered chasing club whores. It becomes too much hassle. They all want to become your ol’ lady.”
“Hold on,” she laughs. “So, you’re telling me you haven’t had sex for the last year?” Hearing it out loud makes me cringe. If the guys overheard, they’d think I was a pussy. “Why not?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I was sick of the same old shit. Drinking. Sex. It became boring. I’ve been concentrating on the club.”
“Shit,” she gasps. “So, when you . . . ” She blushes. “Yah know . . . ” She points between her legs and I grin. “Didn’t you want to . . . ” She pauses and blushes again.
“Fuck you?” I ask, and she nods. “Of course, I did, but I’ve become an expert at controlling myself.” She
