“Like I said, it was all over the news. The social services and the local council where I grew up were sued on my behalf. I mean, I didn’t want any money or a fucked up, half-hearted apology, but the lawyers said that’s what I deserved.” I run my hand over my head. “When my mum was found dead, no one checked on me. My mum’s pimp told cops he was my dad. They passed it to Social Services to check out and they didn’t. They were busy and they didn’t give a fuck as long as someone was claiming responsibility for me.”
“So, you lived with your mum’s boyfriend?”
“No, I lived in my mum’s house. I paid the rent each month and no one checked. I managed. I’d had to for years before she died.”
“What did you do for money?”
“Whatever I had to—sex, drugs.” I shrug my shoulders. “Mum’s pimp told the school I was moving to another school. Instead, I became a dealer for him.”
“And you had sex for money?” she asks, writing down her notes. I nod my head.
“Just like her,” I add, and she looks up. “My mum. She was a prostitute, he was her pimp, and when she died, he saw an opportunity to carry on making money.” We fall silent. This is the most I’ve talked, probably to anyone. Eventually, she closes her notebook.
“How old were you when you first had sex?”
I smirk at the memory of fourteen-year-old Sarah Lees. “I was eleven. It was in the school field during a P.E lesson.”
“A good experience?” she asks, and I nod. I was just a kid and so was she, but apart from the awkwardness, it wasn’t a bad experience. Every boy in my year group wanted to have sex with Sarah.
“When was your first bad experience?”
I think over the question. “I don’t think I’ve had a bad one. I don’t enjoy it. I never have. I remember women, like adults, and having sex with them after Mum died. I didn’t want to, but it was an urge and I knew I needed the money.”
“You still don’t enjoy sex? In the last session, you said you had sex to help you sleep?”
“Yeah. As I said, I get an urge. I don’t like the women I fuck,” I mutter. “I’ve never had sex with anyone that I actually wanted to since my first”
“Have you tried to have sex with someone you like?” she asks thoughtfully.
I shake my head. “I avoid it. I don’t like talking, especially to women I like.”
“Maybe you should try. There must be someone you like in your life, someone who’s caught your eye and you could talk to? Try small talk.”
I laugh and shake my head. The last time I tried small talk, it led to me kissing Eva. “I’m not sure that would work out well.”
“Try. Before you come back next week. Try and talk to a woman you like the look of. We can go from there. I think that maybe you associate sex and touching with those unwanted experiences before. Move away from sex with women you don’t like.”
“It’s not that easy,” I say. I check my watch. “Time’s up,” I say, standing.
“I’m supposed to tell you when the clock runs out, yet you’re always eagerly waiting to run the hell outta here.” She smiles. “You did really well today, Elijah. I think we might be getting somewhere.”
I don’t see how telling this shrink all my shit will help, but whatever.
Chapter Five
Eva
“You did what?” screeches Anna.
Kyle clinks his wine glass against my own. “Good for you,” he says with a grin.
“I’m so tired of men looking at me like I’m a desperate fuck. I must ooze a scent that tells men I’m easy and undatable. Am I just good for a quick fuck?”
“No,” chorus Anna and Kyle.
“Then why can’t I find a nice man who wants to date me and sweep me off my feet?”
“Come on, Eva. I hate seeing you like this.” Anna sighs, rubbing her hand over mine. “I thought you didn’t need a man.”
“I don’t, but I want one. There’s a difference.”
“Your prince is out there somewhere, Cinders,” says Kyle.
I look around the slim pickings in the Copper Trap bar, where we decided to meet for a few drinks. Trying to find my prince will never happen if I keep drinking in these local hovels. “Do you think Lake is in The Windsor?” I ask. The Kings Reapers own the bar and are usually there.
“That’s not a good idea,” says Anna. “Besides, I’m not speaking to Riggs.”
“Trouble in paradise?” asks Kyle.
“No, not really. I want a baby.” We both gasp like she’s lost her mind. “I know what you’re thinking. I’ve not been with him very long, granted, but I think it’s the right time and now that he’s claimed me as his ol’ lady, what’s the point in waiting? He’s vowed to spend forever with me.”
“I think you need a talk with Esther,” I say. My mum is good at talking sense and Anna needs a good talking to if she thinks now is the right time to have a baby. “What are you rushing for? You scared he’ll change his mind?”
Anna shrugs her shoulders. “I love the club. I love being there,” she mutters.
“And you feel like you need a reason to stay there? To keep him?” asks Kyle and she nods.
“Christ, Anna, what’s got into you?” I hiss. “You wanna try and trap him? What are you, a teenager?”
“No,” she snaps defensively. “I love him.”
“So, wait. He wants to wait, and you should respect that. I’m totally telling Esther tomorrow,” I add as I stand. “Let’s go to The Windsor before I bitch slap you.”
I stand in the doorway of The Windsor and survey the room. There’s
