‘You should go for it, Regi. You really are very pretty – you should definitely do it,’ Mini said sweetly.
‘Yes, and do come home and tell us your dating stories,’ Sophia said.
‘I can get you set up on the app – it’s dead simple,’ Mini said. ‘If you can master Instagram, you will definitely be able to master a dating app. It can become quite addictive.’
I was intrigued.
‘I just say go for it, Regi. I don’t think it’s healthy just sitting around the house when you’re not at uni. I know you’ve been doing the cleaning, and that’s great, but you’re not our mother,’ Karen said with a catch in her voice.
I raised an eyebrow at this comment and Sophia stepped in.
‘What she means is’ – Sophia gave Karen the eyes – ‘is that you’re fabulous and gorgeous, and you should be out there finding someone like-minded, having some fun.’
I suddenly remembered what it felt like to receive a compliment like that. The thought of someone saying that to me filled me with uncertainty. But Sophia was right about finding someone like-minded. The girls were good for everyday company, and Sophia was beginning to feel more like a friend to me than the other two, but occasionally I considered what it would be like to meet someone who was my age and shared similar interests.
‘I’m sure you can find someone with similar traits to you, you know if it’s the OCD stuff that’s bothering you. I’m sure there’re loads of blokes who have compulsions,’ Karen said matter-of-factly.
‘My God, who’s rattled your cage today, Karen?’ Sophia said firmly, and Karen looked visibly shocked at the outburst.
‘Er, no one,’ she said eventually. ‘I just hate seeing Regi moping about the place, becoming obsessed with cleanstagrammers.’
‘Hey, I’m not obsessed,’ I said sharply.
‘So why is that the fifth time today I’ve seen you pick up your phone and check out what’s-her-face’s profile?’
‘It just automatically falls on that one. I don’t follow enough people yet,’ I said, not understanding why I felt the need to justify myself.
‘Oh, just get her set up on Tinder already, Mini,’ Karen called from the hallway as she walked out of the kitchen and stomped upstairs. The sound of her bedroom door slamming made all of our bodies jerk.
‘What the hell has got into her?’ Sophia sat down at the table.
‘She thinks I’m trying to steal Steve,’ I said with one hand in the air in disbelief.
‘Oh my God, really?’ Mini scoffed. Sophia’s mouth opened to say something, but Mini carried on. ‘She’s paranoid. Granted, it’s happened twice before with two separate boyfriends. She must be desperate to match you up with someone if she doesn’t want you to steal Steve.’ Mini stifled a giggle. Sophia gave a weak smile.
‘Hey, I’m happy to get the app and for you to show me how it works, but I’m not promising anything,’ I said.
Mini squealed and clapped her hands together. ‘Really? Oh, brilliant. Oh, Regi, this is so fab. I really think you are going to find your true love.’
I smiled at her enthusiasm, neglecting to tell her that I had stopped believing in true love a long time ago.
Despite my reservations about finding companionship via the internet, I watched as Mini eagerly installed the app on my phone, and before I knew it, I was posing awkwardly on the sofa for my profile shot. My phone was new. It had a handful of numbers in the contact list, one or two apps and no photos of me from my past. I did not need the constant reminders of seeing the old me, the one who didn’t carry any of the burdens I carried today.
It was only when she had finished and my account was complete that I realised my face was now out there online, and I had no idea who could be looking at it.
17
Now
The next morning I awoke to the sound of the house coming to life. The pipes creaked as someone ran the shower, I heard the clink-clank of crockery as it hit the countertops in the kitchen; someone clomped down the stairs and along the corridor. It was probably Karen. She was still harbouring some anger, and whilst she was generally moody with all of us, she seemed to be directing most of her anger towards me.
My phone rang. It was him. These calls were coming through more often. It wouldn’t be long until he turned up here. Would I be ready for him? Or would I run away like I had been doing for too long?
I dressed lightly in denim shorts and a white T-shirt. I stripped my bed, unlocked and locked my window six times before I left the room and walked down the stairs as Karen was coming back up the stairs. I looked at her boots; she was, indeed, the clomper.
‘Morning,’ I said confidently. Karen grunted something back, but I was already halfway down the stairs and I was going to be late for my seminar if I didn’t hurry. I grabbed a muesli bar, an apple and a bottle of water from my cupboard in the kitchen and stepped out of the house, thoughts of the morning’s missed call on my phone still playing on my mind as I looked at the ground and tried to walk within the cracks of the pavement.
I walked along the avenue lined with trees on either side and wished more than anything that I had given myself a spare few minutes to grab my favourite coffee for the journey. I found a seat on the train easily and sat down and opened my muesli bar and water. I put the bar to my mouth and that was when I caught a glimpse of a black baseball cap through the gap in the chair in
