‘Hello, lucybest65,’ I said as I put my phone into my back pocket.
32
Then
I woke up one Saturday morning and sensed something was different. D was home, so that was one reason, but even with the heaviness that he brought to the air, it was what was missing that alarmed me.
I couldn’t hear any of the usual goings-on in the house. Olga would usually be up by now, emptying bins, moving furniture around to sweep. Even though she performed these tasks with a gentle easiness, I would always wake to hear her making her way from room to room. But this morning there was total silence.
I knew Olga was gone. Even though I knew it to be true in my heart, I still had to check. Whilst D snoozed in the bed next to me, I lifted Baby Boy, who had been stirring in his cot, and went off to search the house for her. Her small collection of belongings in the spare room were gone. The house was eerily silent.
I found that I could not control the anger that raged up inside me. I put the baby safely in his playpen in the lounge and ran into the bedroom, the fury burning in my chest, with no regard for the consequences. He could kill me for all I cared; he had taken away the one bit of joy and variety to my life except for Baby Boy. He brought her into my life just to take her away again because he thought he could. I had been plagued by his cruelty for too long. I wished he were dead.
I ran at him on the bed as animalistic growls came from my throat. He shot up, ready to defend himself. I was shouting at him. He grabbed my wrists and restrained me; his strength always surprised me. He flipped me so he was on top, and he was looking down on me. I began to kick out, pushing my arms with all my strength.
‘What. Are. You. Doing?’ D shouted in my face.
I was out of breath from running and now the anticipation of what was to come was stirring up a familiar fear within me.
‘You knew how much her company meant to me,’ I said as calmly as I could manage.
He let out a loud snort and to my surprise, he rolled off me and over onto his back. I lay very still, waiting for what would come next.
‘I thought something bad had happened.’ He turned onto his side, facing away from me.
‘This is bad? Olga, she was… my friend.’
Then he laughed, a malicious demonic laugh that penetrated right through me. I had prepared myself for a beating. I had anticipated it so much that to be lying there listening to his laugh was worse than having him physically assault me. I almost wished for the latter to take away the feeling of nothingness that he had left me with.
‘Why? Why did you do it?’
He let out a blast of air from his lips, disposing of air the way he had disposed of my friend.
‘Haven’t you got something better to be doing?’ he murmured. I lay there, feeling my heart rate return to normal.
‘Why?’ I said, but it was barely a whisper.
Now I knew he no longer even cared enough to punch me in my arm, throat, gut or anywhere else I had received his fists. But, of course, I knew he had, in fact, never cared.
I took myself out of the bed and went back to Olga’s room, where the scent of her perfume still lingered in the air. I lay down on the bedsheets and inhaled the sweetness of the pillowcase, putting my hands under the pillow. As I did my fingers found a piece of card. I pulled it out; it was a photo. In the picture were three children, all very young, no older than five. The one girl was the spit of Olga, and I knew these were her children she had never spoken of. I could forgive her for leaving. But where was she now? I prayed she was safe and with her family, but I had no way of ever knowing. I couldn’t forgive D for bringing her into my life, knowing she would never be able to stay. But mostly I couldn’t forgive him for all the things he had done to me, to make me this weak, needy and vulnerable person who’s only friend in the world was a woman that I would never see again.
Instagram post: 21st May 2019
Hi guys, thanks for all your selections on the Oliver Bonas post. I can confirm I have a winner! @wendyseaman_34, the voucher will be winging its way over to you soon.
I will post an image of all the pieces that you have chosen for my room once they arrive! Nothing beats the arrival of new goods. I love the feeling of when I’ve ordered something and then it finally arrives. There’s nothing like it!
But, to be honest, guys, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. This job that I do, it can sometimes feel lonely. I mean, I’m grateful to you all for being there for me, all one million and something of you. But I do wonder when the day will come when I will hang up my Marigolds for good, because this won’t last for forever. That’s one thing that life has taught me. So enjoy every day that you can, be kind to one another and remember, keep cleaning!
Mrs C x
hairymother Is she okay? She sounds as though she’s flinging in the towel.
