‘Don’t you want it?’ his mother said.
‘Not really. I don’t have room in my cottage.’
She eyed him sharply. ‘Mm … well, if you really don’t need it, then yes we’d love to have a tree. Wouldn’t we, Phil?’
‘Yes.’ His father looked doubtful. ‘Will it shed loads of needles?’
‘Not if you water it regularly,’ Jay said.
‘Of course, we’ll take care of it. It can be your dad’s job.’ She smiled and even Jay was amused. ‘Tea or coffee?’
‘Coffee please. Milk and sugar … and um, have you made any mince pies yet?’
His mum rolled her eyes. ‘You know we have. You must be able to smell them.’
He smiled. ‘I can.’
She laughed. ‘Some things never change. No matter how many I make, they’re always gobbled up before I can blink!’
Jay and his dad shared a look that left them both in no doubt of who ate all the pies. While his dad made a fuss of Trevor, and they talked about work, his mum made the drinks, refusing any help. Jay guessed she was hoping he and his dad might find some time to ‘bond’.
She was soon back with a tray of pies, hot drinks and a dog chew for Trevor, who happily settled on the hearth rug. The pie was delicious, with home-made mincemeat and crumbly rich pastry. It seemed to taste better than he even remembered.
It was just like any other visit he’d made, except that the whole time, he was wondering if or when they were going to bring up the incident in the pub with Ben.
He was midway through the final morsel of pie when his mum said, ‘Will you come for Christmas dinner?’
He couldn’t be surprised that she’d asked. Christmas Day was less than four weeks away and after all, he’d come round to deal with this very issue.
‘I don’t know. I can’t be here at the same time as Ben and Nadia.’
‘That’s a shame,’ his dad said. ‘We had hoped that after so long, you might have reconciled yourself to the idea.’
So long? he thought. The idea? Jay forced himself to give a calm answer. All his parents wanted was for their family to be at peace but Jay knew things could never be the same. However, Lottie had reminded him how important family was so he’d come to offer a small olive branch.
Jay put his plate on the coffee table. ‘Look, Dad, I’m happy that Seb is doing well. He’s a lovely little boy. I’ve no doubt that Ben and Nadia love him and are a great mum and dad, but I’m not ready to play happy families yet. In time, maybe the situation might improve but there’s no point pretending that things can ever be the same.’
‘We’re not expecting everything to be the same,’ his mum said patiently. ‘But we were hoping you’d still be able to join us for Christmas dinner? Ben and Nadia are bringing Seb round to open his presents in the evening but we’ve already discussed the fact that it would be too much to expect us all to sit round the dinner table as usual.’
Jay was wrong-footed that he’d already been ‘discussed’ by the rest of the family. ‘I don’t want to keep them away from you.’
‘No … but you’re on your own, son, and I’m sure they’ll be happy to have their own little family celebration as it’s their first Christmas together.’
Jay’s stomach churned. His dad meant well, but did he realise he was rubbing salt into his wounds by referring to his solitary lifestyle, even if it was partly self-imposed?
His dad patted his shoulder. ‘I’m sorry for what Ben did. It was a terrible betrayal but time heals and if you can get through this Christmas, I’m sure things will become easier.’
Jay caught his breath. In the past few weeks, it was true that he’d glimpsed a light ahead and moved towards it. He’d already known he had to get out of a dark hole of bitterness and cynicism and Lottie had helped him take the steps forward. He still thought his dad had no idea of how Ben’s actions had destroyed their bond, but he wanted to be kind to his parents and not reject them again.
‘Look, as long as it’s OK with you both, I’d love to come for Christmas lunch.’
His dad let out a breath. ‘Good, because we can’t stand the thought of you moping about in that draughty cottage on Christmas Day.’
‘I do have Trevor,’ he said.
‘It’s not the same,’ his mum said.
‘He gives me less trouble than some people!’ At the curt remark, his mother’s eyes glistened with unshed tears and Jay hated himself. In his own way, he’d caused them as much pain as Ben had although he still didn’t know how he could have reacted any differently.
‘It’s not good for you to shut yourself away. What’s done is done and it’s time to move on.’ His father was obviously frustrated.
‘OK, Phil, Jay knows that but it isn’t easy, is it?’ His mum took his hand. ‘It’s a big blow to get over. You must understand though, Jay, that we’re stuck in the middle and we feel that in some ways, we’ve lost you both.’
He felt the sting of tears behind his own eyes. His mother understood him better than he’d realised. ‘I’ll look forward to the day,’ he said.
He forced a smile to his face. ‘Trevor will too.’
Trevor lifted his head and cocked it on one side.
‘We can’t wait,’ his mum said, brightening up.
He stayed a while longer, talking about Christmas plans and steering clear of anything that might sour the mood.
‘Have to go, Mum. I promised Trevor a walk on Latrigg before I go back to Firholme.’
‘Isn’t it a bit wet?’ his father asked.
‘We’ll be fine. C’mon, Trev. Let’s be off.’
He made a swift exit, with an agreement to bring round his parents’ tree when he next had a day
