‘Yes, you were loud and you fell over.’
Steph put her head in her heads and groaned. ‘Anything else?’
Lottie picked her plate up. ‘Oh, nothing too disastrous.’
‘Nothing too disastrous?’ She lifted her head. ‘Oh my God, what did I say?’
‘Like I said, nothing major … only that you told Jay he deserved someone “luverly” like me.’
‘Oh, sh-sh sugar!’ Steph squealed. ‘I’m so sorry, Lottie. I can’t remember saying that … though I did babble on quite a bit. I was muttering all kinds of stuff …’ She sipped her coffee, avoiding Lottie’s eye. ‘But I’m sure Jay won’t have taken any notice of me.’
Lottie’s stomach knotted. ‘What kind of stuff?’ she said, putting down the plate again.
‘Um. I might have mentioned Connor, in passing.’
Lottie’s blood ran cold. ‘Oh hell. I hope not. I’d thought you were going to at one point but I stopped you in time. When was this?’
‘I think it must have been when he came to find me on the sofa thingy outside the ballroom. Sorry, Lottie, but it keeps coming to me in snatches, like a programme that hasn’t recorded properly.’
‘Oh, Steph. Arghh.’ Lottie winced as her own head throbbed – and not due to a hangover but the monumental mess-up.
‘Look, don’t panic. You can say I’m still on meds and it was the drugs talking.’
‘I don’t want to tell him any more lies. He has big trust issues as it is.’
Steph gave her a hard stare. ‘What do you mean, “trust issues”?’
‘He had a bad time with his ex. It’s complicated and the main point is I didn’t want him to know that Connor and I had been so close.’
Steph sighed. ‘I’m sorry, hon, but I thought the secrecy was killing you anyway? Jay would probably have found out you were involved on the wedding day when the rest of Connor’s clan turn up. Especially Fiona for a start. Have you thought of that?’
Lottie had – she’d hardly thought of anything else – but hoped in the moment Fiona wouldn’t care who was organising the wedding. ‘You’re right. I should have told him but … I didn’t want to lose the booking for Firholme and have everyone feeling sorry for me when they knew he was my ex. Plus I’d rather Jay found out when I wanted him to. Connor being my ex, is different to being an old friend.’
Steph heaved a sigh. ‘Oh, crap. You’re really upset about it, aren’t you?’
‘It’s too late to worry now.’
‘But you are worried and you’re annoyed with me.’ Steph’s voice took on a dangerous edge but Lottie was fired up with indignation.
‘You knew I wanted to keep it quiet at work. Why couldn’t you do this one thing for me?’ Lottie couldn’t help herself. All the disappointment and worry of the past year – more than a year – poured out in a torrent. ‘When you needed me, I came through,’ she said.
‘And I’m grateful. Bloody grateful,’ Steph shot back. ‘I’m sorry I interfered in your life but you’d just split up with Connor. I told myself it didn’t matter that you were spending so much time around the house with the twins. I convinced myself it would be company. I was selfish and I’ve thought about it many times since but I wasn’t in a fit state to be sensible and thoughtful. I thought I was dying and I’d never see the girls.’
‘Oh, Steph! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have taken things out on you—’ Emotion bubbled up in Lottie’s throat. ‘But I can’t help being worried about you. I remember …’ Lottie paused. She would never forget the moment Steph was going in to the clinic for her first round of chemo. Her sister had made her swear that she’d look after the twins if Steph died. She’d made Lottie promise to be their mum. At the memory, tears rose in her eyes.
‘I know … I’m worried about me. I’m petrified of it coming back! Of having to go through the fear and pain all over again – and never coming out of it at the end. That’s probably why I had so much to drink last night. I wanted to blot out the future, forget any of the past crappy year ever happened!’
Steph started to cry, big fat tears rolling down her face. Lottie went to her and held her. The tears didn’t last long and Steph was smiling suddenly.
‘My God, I bet we look rough … and … last night was going so well too. I was enjoying myself until everything went suddenly downhill.’
Lottie handed over a roll of kitchen towel so Steph could wipe their eyes.
She blew her nose and sighed. ‘You – haven’t heard from Kerr since last night, have you?’
‘Not yet,’ Lottie said, remembering Kerr’s concern with a smile. ‘But he did ask after you at the time.’
Steph shrieked in horror then held her head. ‘Ouch. Bloody hell. You mean he saw me in that state?’
‘He was concerned and he’d been trying to find you. He only wanted to help.’
‘Oh sh – oh why did I even have any wine at all! I’ve seen him picking his son up from school and thought he was tasty. He’s even better-looking close up and he’s funny … and kind. But even if he did want to ask me out, he won’t now after seeing me spread over the sofa in a drunken stupor.’
‘He was worried about you … and we told him you haven’t been well.’
‘That makes it worse! This bloody cancer. What guy would want to take on a woman with twins who might not make it until next bloody Christmas!’
‘You will make it,’ Lottie said firmly. ‘Come here. Big hug.’
After a moment, Lottie released her sister. ‘Now get some coffee down you and go back to bed if you need to. I’m sure Kerr will be in touch to see how you are.’
‘He doesn’t have my number.’
‘That’s easily solved,’ Lottie said. ‘I really have to
