“Hey, baby. Love the apron.”
“Thanks.” I currently wore my black apron with the body of Princess Leia on it. It had been a gag gift from my brother last Christmas, but since it was my only apron, I wore it proudly.
“We might need to take that into the bedroom.”
“Stop.” I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from sighing, rolling my eyes instead as I forced myself to control a shiver. Lord he was gorgeous. Dark hair with a red hue, long at the top and swept back out of his face, that I loved to slide my fingers through when he fucked me. He was tall and lean and his beard was full and long, although, he’d obviously just trimmed it, because he looked a little more Jax right now than his normal Opie.
“Come in,” I said.
He stepped inside and leaned down to kiss me, and even though I tried not to, I reared back, terrified he’d hit me. Irrational as it might be, I couldn’t bear his touch. Fucking was fine, but gentle touch was off the table.
“Lacey,” he breathed out.
“Don’t, okay?” I whispered.
“Yeah, sweetheart, whatever you need.”
“I made ribs,” I said as I led him to the kitchen.
“I love ribs.”
I smiled. “I heard that somewhere.”
He chuckled. I’d made ribs for one of the club family nights and he’d bugged me ever since to make them again. They took a while, so it was rare I had enough time to do them justice. I decided today would be a good day to make the time. I was never going to see him naked again, so he needed something good to remember me by.
“We gonna talk before or after we eat?”
“Food’s ready, so after,” I said. “Beer?”
“Yeah, thanks.”
I grabbed a bottle and opened it, then handed it to him.
“You bought my favorite beer?” he asked with a cheeky smirk as he lifted the bottle to his mouth.
“Don’t read anything into it. Colm and Tadhg like it, too,” I retorted.
My big brothers actually hated it, they were all Guinness all the time, but Mouse didn’t need to know that. He grinned even bigger and gave me a chin lift.
“Have a seat,” I instructed, and he sat at my two-person dining table.
Over the next half-hour, we ate in relative silence. I had a difficult time swallowing anything, so I made a good show of pushing my food around my plate.
After letting this go for close to fifteen minutes, Mouse dropped a rib on his plate with a sigh. “Right, we’re done with this shit. Talk now, eat later.”
He stood, taking his plate (and mine) to the sink and washing his hands. Once he was done, he held one hand out to me, and I let him lead me to my sofa. “What’s goin’ on, Kennedy?”
“You have to promise you’ll let me talk until I’m done. No interrupting.”
He nodded.
“I’ve had a weird dating life. I had a couple of high school boyfriends and they were fine, but they kind of bored me, so when I met Seth, he offered a little more excitement and I thought I’d found someone with whom I could explore my sexuality.”
Mouse scowled, his hands fisting, but he didn’t comment.
“At first, it was exciting, but then, as you know, it wasn’t.”
A few years ago, Seth and his cousin, Thomas, had worked in tandem to kill several women in the Savannah area. Seth was currently in federal custody where he’d cut out his own tongue to ensure he didn’t snitch on anyone. He was still there, in prison, unable to speak or eat, being fed through a tube.
“But it was gradual, his abuse. I almost didn’t realize it was happening, because I’d push back and use our safe word, and he’d stop. But then he didn’t stop, and he’d blame me for letting things go too far. It’s taken me a long time and a lot of therapy to get to the point where I feel like I’m coming back to myself. You don’t know this but other than a one-night stand with Gabe, you’re the first man I’ve slept with since Seth,” I explained.
“Gabe’s a dick,” he hissed.
Gabe was Michelle’s brother, and Mouse was right, he was a dick. I mean, he wasn’t to most people, but he and I had never liked each other, even before I slept with him. My one-night stand with him was the result of too many shots of tequila and Gabe’s willingness to go down on me. But the sex had been awful, and I didn’t like him any more the next day, so we were back to being barely cordial at public gatherings.
“I know,” I agreed. “But even if he wasn’t, I would have ended things. Like I’m doing with you. We can never be anything more than this, Declan. I can’t give you something I don’t have to give.”
“What do you think I want?”
“Emotions. Commitment... Kissing. You know, intimacy...like spooning and talking after sex.”
He dragged his hand over his beard, something he did when he didn’t want to admit I’d just said something he couldn’t contradict. I knew it irritated the shit out of him, but I had to give him credit, he didn’t show it... much.
“I’ve thought a lot about what you said to me in the van that night, and it’s time we just cut this off.” I bit my lip. “Will you give me that?”
“Baby, you’re askin’ me to give you something you don’t actually want.”
I let out a frustrated groan and dropped my head back, staring at the ceiling. “Mouse—”
“Hear me out.”
I met his eyes and waited.
“I know you’ve been to hell and back, Kennedy. I’ve watched you change and finally find your way back to yourself, as you explained it. I’ve also watched you pull away from your friends, baby. Losing Remington to Portland and Michelle to the ground
