“Love at first sight?” I rested my chin in one hand and sighed.
She giggled. “I suppose it was. And over the next few months, he requested that assignment so he could walk me back and forth to Thillatheas to be sure I was safe. Then, after many weeks and many trips, he reached out and took my hand. I could see the village… my village, not far ahead. But he stopped me and put his free hand on my cheek. He told me of his growing love for me and asked if I returned his feelings.”
“And you told him, right?” I was riveted by her story like some love sick teenager.
She shook her head. “No.”
“No?” I nearly shouted.
“Shhh!” She looked out the window to be sure none of the men were concerned with my outburst. “No. My mother had been out gathering herbs from the woods. When she spotted us, she assumed that something had happened to me, and she rushed over. The moment she realized that I was well and not injured, she yanked me toward the village, abruptly ushering me away from Aeden without a word. I tried to halt our retreat by telling her that I loved him. And he heard me. But her anger grew. She yanked me harder, and I motioned for him to not follow. I could not bear it if either of them were hurt if it were to become a physical struggle over me.”
“But what happened? Surely you didn’t just not speak to him again.” I was nearly in tears for them both.
“Many weeks later, I was allowed to return to Thillatheas. Thaid had a special order, and my village council insisted that I go despite my mother’s opposition. Aeden was not on the road. But he was there. He told me that he had prayed for our blessing. That he prayed every night. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I hadn’t.”
“So, why haven’t you just prayed for a blessing?” A part of me wanted to shake her and tell her to just go get married if she loved him and that’s what they wanted. But I knew the power of faith and tradition. “Why not at least try? Would it have angered your family so much? Is he undesirable in some way?”
“No. He’s desirable in many ways.” She blushed. “I mean…”
I giggled along with her. “Oh, I know what you mean. And I don’t blame you.” My thoughts turned to Kane and knew that my reaction to him was similar to her reaction to Aeden.
She continued, “Many Emalne women want Aeden… have tried for him. But we are not of the same village. I am an herbalist. He is a woodland. His markings are of the barks of trees. And while what they stand for and protect is honorable as all of our villages are, a blessing is almost never bestowed between two Emalne of different villages.”
I reached over and touches her knee, trying to comfort her. “But you can try.”
Her voice was weak. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
This time, more than one tear fell. “Because, if I do pray and no blessing comes, then I know.”
What part of my heart that hadn’t broken for them shattered into pieces in that moment. “You’re afraid?”
“Yes.” She wiped her tears. “If I pray and nothing comes, I have to tell him goodbye.”
“But doesn’t he already think that you have and that you can’t?” I asked.
“He does. But he holds on to hope. He believes that it still could come. But if I pray and nothing comes, I won’t allow him to have that hope. I will have to push him away so he can find happiness.” She looked out the window the other side of the carriage.
I leaned back, letting her words sink in. “This is your way of holding on to him.”
“Yes.” The pain of her situation pulled at her features, making her look exhausted.
I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to make her feel better, but I also wanted to make her just get it over with so they could both find their happiness. And I wanted that happiness to be within each other with the blessing of whatever god they relied on.
I opened my mouth three or four times, but I had no words as I watched the strong, independent woman before me sit, staring out the window, looking completely and utterly fragile. I had no words of sincere comfort.
As if reading my mind, she looked back down at her clasped hands in her lap. “It is alright. I will one day. Just not today.”
Failing as I tried to smile, I understood.
Indrell pulled out a capped mug and motioned for me to go back to the bed. “Are you feeling any pain?”
“You mean other than my heart hurting for you?” I asked as I climbed back onto the plush bed.
She scoffed. “Yes. Are you feeling pains anywhere around your abdomen?”
I pulled the blanket over my legs. “Only a little.”
She came by the bed and looked me over, helping me bring the quilt and blankets up over me. “You need to rest. The herbs I applied in Thillatheas should last the rest of the day. But if you start feeling uncomfortable, let me know. I have some for the pains as well. The main mixture is also to help keep your body strong. And while you sleep, I’ll prepare another that’ll help keep you all nourished.”
The pillow was soft as I laid my head on it. The warmth and comfort cradled me, causing me to instantly feel the exhaustion wash over me that
