“If you could do anything, anything. What would it be?”
“Oh man. That’s tough. I don’t know. I just want to be happy.”
“And you’re not? Like, with your life.”
“No. No, I am. I think I just—I can’t really wrap my mind around what I really want. I try to picture it and it doesn’t seem possible. So all of those dreams and wishes get boiled down to a feeling. Whatever my actual meaning of life turns out to be, I just want to be happy.”
“I’m not sure I buy that,” Sam said.
“Oh is that right?”
“I don’t know. It seems like you know and you’re afraid to say it. What did you say earlier? Going after what you want can be scary? What is it you really want?”
“Okay I’ll be—I’ll keep it one hundred.”
“Please,” Sam laughed.
“I’m kinda lonely.” That confession turned the warmth Sam had been feeling in his chest sour. He curled his fingers gently around hers, like he could will the feeling away. “I knew what I was getting into when I moved out here, but it’s been a while and I’m still so homesick.”
“Do you think about moving back?”
“No. There’s nothing for me back in Rhode Island. I’m homesick for my parents though. I have friends here and you know, Helene. She’s an amazing friend. I just didn’t think LA would be so lonely. I need a pet skunk.”
“If they aren’t illegal I’m sure we can find you one.”
“I think that’s why I’ve enjoyed this weekend so much. Your family is great and they made me feel so included.” She rolled her fingers in his and pulled his hand a little closer. “I know you’re not supposed to say stuff like this on a first date, but you should know. I’m crippled with loneliness.”
“I know you’re joking a little bit, but I think you may be onto something.”
“Oh yeah?”
“About LA and the loneliness. Or maybe it’s just a millennial midlife crisis, but I think I’m there too. With loneliness. I have a place in Silver Lake, but when I’m not working I’m always here. I miss my family. I really miss my horse.”
“It’s like you turn a certain age and you think you’re supposed to magically become independent in this weird way, but that’s not how it works. Anyway, I don’t want to feel that loneliness anymore.”
Sam raised his beer. “Here’s to being a little less lonely.” Amanda clinked her beer against his and just as she took down another deep swig, her eyes widened. She slammed her beer down on the table.
“You are more than free to join me, but this song is my freaking jam and I am headed to the dance floor.” Sam cocked his head to the side and actually focused on the music coming through the sound system. As soon as he recognized the opening notes to Evelyn “Champagne” King’s “Love Come Down,” he grabbed Amanda’s hand and pulled her to the dance floor.
Chapter 16
Amanda silently kicked herself. She just had to let her honesty pour right out, huh? Who the hell talks about how lonely they are on a first date? She was really enjoying her time with Sam and she had the feeling if things between them continued, those glossy glittery feelings he sparked in her wouldn’t go away. Especially if he kept that cowboy hat around. What better way to deaden the vibe between them than to talk about the crippling sadness that came from being thousands of miles away from home while working for someone who was less than a people person. Never mind the fact that she still hadn’t been completely honest about what she actually did for work.
A small voice in the back of her head who sounded suspiciously like Helene told her to relax and just be herself. Instead she panicked and dragged Sam to the dance floor. That seemed to do the trick. Zach and Evie joined them, as did Delfi and Britany. Four songs later and she was working on a fine sheen of sweat as Sam moved behind her, his arms draped over her shoulders as they swayed to “Rump Shaker.”
“This was a horrible idea,” Sam said in her ear. Amanda bit her lips. She tried her best not to notice the way his dick was grinding against her ass, but it was hard to miss. She spun around and put a little distance between their lower bodies. She grabbed his hands, keeping up to the beat as she two-stepped in front of him.
“Better?” she teased.
“No!”
She tossed her head back, her laughter mixing with the music, just before the song switched to a slow country jam she’d never heard before. That didn’t drive her from the dance floor. The opposite. She was impressed with the DJ’s work. Instead she stepped into Sam’s arms, lacing her fingers behind his neck. She gazed up at him as he tipped the brim of that white cowboy hat back and gazed down at her. She liked what she saw in those brown eyes. A sweet kindness coupled with a searing heat. It was a lot of work to stop herself from kissing him right there in the crowded bar. No one seemed to be paying attention to them, but laying one on him in the middle of the dance floor might change that. She was definitely going to sleep with him before the night was over.
A commotion over by the bar tore her attention away from his handsome face. The bartender was yelling at a blond woman sitting on one of the high leather stools. He reached for her phone, but she snatched it back. Amanda couldn’t hear what he was saying beyond a “Now!” that boomed across the room.
“Yikes. Wonder what that’s about,” Amanda said as she turned back to Sam, but he was still looking toward the bar. She followed his gaze as his eyes shifted to something behind her. Zach and Evie were standing close in a similar embrace,
