“What?” he asked. “Empty. What does that mean?”
“It means us, this,”—I motioned to us—“it doesn’t mean anything. It’s empty. There’s nothing in it. I’ve never said your name before because you don’t excite me like that.” I wasn’t sure where the sudden confidence came from, but I suddenly looked up at Nathan and said the words I’d been struggling to say for months. “I think we should break up.”
All of the anger in Nathan’s body knocked sideways in a second. “What?”
“We should end this,” I said. “I don’t even know why I’m still doing it. I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
“How can you say that?” Nathan asked. His sadness at the thought was evident in his voice. “We’ve been together for four years. I gave up everything for you.”
I scoffed. “What did you give up? You didn’t even stop sleeping with Miss Abrams!” I snapped. “You’re not doing this again. You’re not going to gaslight me into thinking things are different from what they are. I’m not an idiot.”
“Is this because of Deon?” Nathan asked. “You’re in love with him?” Unlike the anger I might have expected, he seemed genuinely saddened. “You’re sleeping together.”
“We’re not sleeping together. Honestly, I tried when I saw you and Miss Abrams in her class a month ago, but he found out we were still together and wouldn’t do it,” I explained.
Nathan’s eyebrows went up. “Wait, really?”
“Yeah,” I said. “He’s not a cheater, unlike some people.” I hated the way I could honestly be looped into that category as well.
Nathan walked over to me and knelt in front of me. “I was really hoping you wouldn’t see me with Miss Abrams.”
“I bet you were,” I snapped back. “Most cheaters wish that.”
“No,” Nathan said, and there was a terrifying seriousness to his voice. “I didn’t want to have to tell you.” He sighed. “Miss Abrams is blackmailing me into carrying on with her. I don’t want to. Cherri, I swear to god, I don’t want to do it anymore with her, but I can’t stop.”
Nathan seemed frightened down to the bone, and more horrifying to me, he seemed sincere. “Are you serious?” I asked. “What does she have over you?”
Nathan’s eyes shifted anywhere but back to mine. “It’s too horrible to talk about,” he said, and only then did his eyes shoot up to meet mine, “but you have to believe me. If there were any other option, I wouldn’t be doing this. I think that’s why I’ve been so agitated lately.”
“Nathan, she’s ra—”
Nathan shook his head. “No! It’s not like that. It’s not that. I was willing.”
“Yeah, but now you’re not. That’s—”
Nathan put his hands over my mouth. “Don’t say that, okay? Don’t.” I nodded, and Nathan pulled his hands away. “It’s fine. If I can get through the year, then I’ll be fine. I’m sorry. I don’t want to do it, so please don’t end things with me, okay?”
The fear and sadness in Nathan’s eyes were too much to bear. Everything he had said seemed to have a ring of truth to it, and when I looked at the fear in his eyes, I couldn’t bring myself to go through with breaking up with him. I just couldn’t. I nodded, looking down at him, and said, “Okay.”
Nathan wrapped his hands around me and buried his face into my stomach, reminding me a lot of what happened at the store a month ago. It wasn’t fair to myself, but I couldn’t break up with Nathan while he was going through something so horrible. That’d make me downright heartless.
Eventually, Nathan and I found ourselves back in the throes of passion, at least for him. I did the best I could to give him as pleasurable an experience as possible before he finally finished and fell asleep. No sleep found me while I watched him snoozing next to me.
What was my way out now?
What he said made sense to me. Nathan’s behavior had been uncharacteristic for a while now, and even though he’d always been something of a rich douchebag, an abuser he was not. If he was taking his frustrations out on me because he was being abused, that made much more sense than just a random shift, but what was I supposed to do with that? If I could find out what was really going on with Miss Abrams and Nathan, I could put a stop to it, and then once Nathan was better, I could end things between us for good. How was I supposed to do any of that, though, if Nathan wouldn’t tell me? Asking for Nikita’s or Jaxon’s help would probably just get back to Nathan, and he’d be upset with me for interfering.
I had no idea what to do, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that if I didn’t figure something out, things were only going to get worse.
20
Cherri
There was no telling how long I’d been sitting in one place, staring at the same college application on my computer screen, unmoving until a knock at my bedroom door dragged me from my thoughts. I pushed my computer to the side and climbed off my bed, walking over and opening the door to see Avery standing on the other side. She had a bag with what looked like ice cream and chocolate in it in one hand and her backpack in the other.
“Hi,” I greeted. “Did I call you over and forget?”
She chuckled. “Um, no. Your mom called me because she said you were like a ghost when you got home Saturday morning, and you haven’t come out of your room once since then. Mix that with the fact that you haven’t updated Snapchat or TikTok for two days, and you’ve got yourself a freaked-out best
