She drew in a shaky breath. “We heard a noise out back one night, and we both went down to investigate. I could see it out the kitchen window—a huge grizzly rummaging around in the trash pit behind the hotel. We generally bury our waste, what the chickens don’t eat, but it was toward the end of a busy summer, and the waste had gotten away from us.”
Will nodded, letting the words flow out of her like steam from a geyser, hoping the very act of talking might relieve some of the pressure.
“Toby kept saying the poor bear was hungry. It probably was. Why else root through the garbage? I tried to tell him we didn’t need to help it, but he insisted on taking out some of the brisket that was left from dinner.” She paused to wipe at her cheeks. “Toby rarely listened to me. He did what he wanted, when he wanted. So he walked out to feed that bear. It went after the food, or maybe Toby—I don’t know. I just remember screaming and screaming.” She dropped her head, chest heaving.
Will put his arm about her back, and her head tipped onto his shoulder as if the memory had exhausted her. He could feel her trembling.
“There was nothing you could do,” he told her. “You said yourself he wouldn’t listen. If you had gone out after him, you might have been mauled too.”
“I should have brought a rifle,” she protested. “I should have thrown something from the kitchen. Elijah did. He heard my screams. So did Caleb. They both came running. They scared the bear away. But it was too late. Toby was gone. I couldn’t save him.”
She sucked in a breath, shuddering, and he just held her. What more could he say? He knew that feeling of helplessness, of wanting more than anything to change the past. But nothing would bring Danny’s father back. And nothing would bring back those he had wronged.
She straightened away from him, raising her head to show tears gleaming on her cheeks. “Thank you.”
He pulled back his arm, for all a part of him demanded he leave it right where it had been. “Just doing my duty, ma’am.”
That won a chuckle from her. “Ah yes. I’m sure they cover that in cavalry training—caring for your horse, shooting a rifle while charging, comforting widows.”
“Always was partial to the last,” Will said.
She nudged him with her shoulder. “Well, don’t become too enamored of it. I don’t require comforting often.”
No, she didn’t. Already she was gathering her composure, tucking away the pain the same way she tucked up her riding skirt.
“I don’t imagine you do,” he said.
She rose from the bench. “I promised Pansy I’d help her finish making the beds. I should go. Was there anything else you needed?”
To stand at your side.
The words hovered on his lips, begged to be uttered. But he didn’t have that right.
Could he earn it?
No denying the hope that surged up at the thought. He hadn’t had a home, a family other than the Army, in more than a decade. Since Oregon, he’d never let himself dream of more. But he could see himself here, beside her, protecting the park, protecting her, teaching Danny to be a man.
A finer man than he’d ever been.
“No,” he made himself say. “I’m glad you’re still willing to allow us to stay the winter. I’ll help, however I can.”
Because maybe then he might be worthy of a place in her life.
14
Will was offering his usual help, but Kate found herself yearning for more, like a shoot craved the first drop of spring rain.
She forced herself to step back from him. “Are you going to patrol now?”
“Might as well, since I’m here.” He slipped his hat back onto his head and tugged down at it. “Care to join me?”
Not feeling the way she did at the moment. She could imagine her hand slipping into his, their steps matching as they wandered the wonders, heads close together. Dangerous. Too dangerous.
“No, thank you,” she said. “Elijah is due in soon. I want to see what he’s heard about these rumors.”
He nodded. She watched him as he descended the stairs and headed for the geysers, his walk purposeful, confident. If only she had similar confidence in her feelings. She turned for the hotel and went to help Pansy.
Making the beds, however, failed entirely to take her mind off the scene on the veranda. What was it about Will? Once more, she’d all but tumbled into his arms as she’d unburdened herself. Had those feelings festered since Toby’s death? She hadn’t realized she’d fallen into the trap.
If only, if only.
“If only wishes were horses, beggars would ride,” she muttered to herself as she tucked in a sheet.
“Beg pardon?” Pansy asked, plumping a pillow.
“Just thinking out loud,” Kate said.
Of course she’d wanted to help Toby that night. But the truth was, there had been nothing she could have done, much as she wished it otherwise. Will was right—if she had gone out after Toby, Danny could well have lost both parents. Terror had kept her rooted in the kitchen, watching the scene unfold before her. But that terror had saved her life and given her a chance to raise her son. She’d been carrying the guilt too long. Time to let it go.
She drew in a breath. “Where should I send word for you to return, Pansy?”
“I’ll be staying with my sister in Virginia City,” the older maid answered. “And I’d welcome hearing from you.” She straightened her back and glanced around. “There’s nothing like the Geyser Gateway.”
No, there wasn’t. If only Kate could help the park guests see that.
She and Pansy were putting sheets on the last bed when she heard the rumble of hooves that heralded the stage’s arrival. Leaving Pansy to finish, she hurried out onto the veranda.
Only one couple exited the coach, the husband handing his wife
