while his unit went on secret missions. Sometimes ones that were so confidential that they couldn’t tell their spouses anything, not even when they’d be returning. At first, she’d been caught up in the pride of having a husband who was wanting to change the world. Her pride for him had never changed, but her need for his presence had. She thought she could handle being a military wife, accepting that he’d disappear after receiving a vague phone call and then the waiting game would begin until he finally came home, sometimes weeks later, sometimes a month later. She’d been mistaken about her resilience.

“When we first met you thought it was sexy that I wore a military uniform. You even said absence made the heart grow fonder,” he reminded her, dropping the unopened envelope. “Do you think being away was any easier on me?”

Swallowing the heaviness in her throat, she leaned against the edge of the counter and crossed her arms over her chest, meeting his gaze head on. She didn’t want to have this conversation again. It was just too painful. “I did feel those things. Honestly, I still do, but promises were made before we had Finley and then the dynamics of our life together changed. You said when your contract was done with the special forces unit you would retire or switch to a less strenuous contract with the Navy.”

“I’m not cut out for a desk job, Novah. That would have been miserable for me.”

 “Then what about starting your own security company? Possibly do some ranching or carpentry like your father did when he retired from the service, or open a bar like your brother did. How about using your degree to teach? Anything besides going overseas to play in the sandbox.”

“Those plans were an option, down the road, but I was needed in Kuwait.”

“Kuwait yesterday. Iraq tomorrow. And some other dangerous place next month.”

“You act like I left you and Finley on purpose. Do you think it was a cakewalk?”

She blew out a long breath. “No, I don’t think it was a cakewalk and I know it wasn’t easy for you. I understand some of what you faced across the pond.” Feeling the throbbing ache at her temples, she exhaled slowly, hoping the acetaminophen kicked in soon. “There’s always another war or mission that requires your attention. I might have signed up to have an absent husband, but Finley doesn’t deserve to have a part-time father. Maybe if we didn’t have her, things would be different now, but she deserves to have more time with you.” They had agreed to wait until after his military career to start a family, but after meeting him for an impromptu romantic vacation in a quaint village in Italy between his assignments, she’d ended up pregnant. Although it came as a surprise, they’d been happy, but neither of them could have been prepared for the changes a baby would bring about in their lives. Many nights she’d spent exhausted wishing Egan was there to help her care for Finley who had severe colic. Or the time she was hospitalized after a febrile seizure and Novah had been scared out of her wits. Their daughter’s first steps. Her first words. He had missed so many moments…

“Finley doesn’t complain.”

“She’s three and doesn’t know any difference yet. You don’t think that’ll change? At some point she’s going to ask why you’re not at her sporting events or school functions. Or that you haven’t called or seen her in two weeks, possibly an entire month. Egan, I understand how much that can affect a young girl very well. I always wondered where my father was too.”

“I’m not your father. I haven’t abandoned you.”

“No, you’re just absent,” she said calmly. “And that makes it better how?”

He leaned his palms on the edge of the island. “I have a career, Novah. I help people. I’ve never asked you to give up your job.”

Laughing, but it came out more like a splutter. “My teaching job at the private school doesn’t take me out of town every week.”

“But you love working there with the kids, right? What if someone took that away from you?”

Feeling the same aggravation she’d felt numerous times, she refused to get sucked into the same endless argument. “Sign the papers.”

He lifted his shoulder proudly. “I’ll take them with me and read the fine print when I get a chance. I’ll be out of town a few days and we’ll talk then.”

“Color me surprised. You’re going out of town again.” She rubbed the tension from her temples.

“You don’t think I miss Finley? Or you?”

 “I think you—” The sound of the soft pitter pattering of tiny feet down the hall made her stop.

A second later Finley came bursting into the kitchen, her tousled hair needed a good brushing. When she saw Egan her eyes lit. “Daddy! Daddy!” She ran straight into his arms and he swept her up, swung her around before placing her back onto her bare feet.

Novah watched the scene with a daunting pain in her chest. Although he wasn’t around nearly enough, he was a good father, always had been. He made every second count and Finley adored him. They did fun things together like fished, built forts, and made scientific experiments with household products. Before he joined the military, he’d gotten a degree in biochemistry which helped him in understanding handmade bombs. He’d called himself the mad scientist and she found it sexy.

Seeing him with their daughter, the vulnerability in him that he didn’t bother hiding, almost buckled her knees.

The joy in Finley made Novah rethink the divorce. What was she thinking? How could she rip apart their family? Yet, what choice did she have? Nothing would change. She couldn’t go back to worrying when Egan was gone and questioning how she would tell Finley her dad wasn’t

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