The stress of constant vigilance and occasional battle was starting to wear John down. No one in the Special Operations community ever admitted to battle fatigue, but it was real, and deep down they all knew it. John and his mates never needed to admit they were fatigued because the leadership in his unit made sure to stay abreast of the mental and physical wellness of its troops, which it did a good job of. Now John was beginning to realize he would have to diagnose and treat all mental and physical ailments himself. The problem with this was John could diagnose all he wanted, but lacked resources to deal with much more than a cut or scrape.
Chapter 27
Jared remained posted at the window, keeping a watchful eye on the road for any unwanted guests, while Devon and the women stood awkwardly leaning against the granite-topped island that separated the living room from the kitchen, trying not to stare at the bloodstain Dwight had left on the carpet.
John and Barry returned from Dwight’s deposit in the bedroom, joining the group in the front of the house. “Let’s get out of here before we have company,” John muttered, his voice betraying the tremendous strain he felt.
No one argued as John brushed past everyone and exited the front door. When Jared left the house, he saw what John had been shooting at before he came inside the house where Dwight was shot. Every man in the front yard had a single shot to the head. John apparently didn’t have time to check for vitals when the man down call came in, so rather than taking the time to search and disarm, he’d simply shot all four men in the head.
It made perfect sense to Jared, whereas even two months ago he would have had a real problem with what John did. John grabbed all four weapons, leaned them against a stone planter box, then jumped on them. Every weapon was either bent or broken, rendering it useless. John siphoned off all the ammunition from the weapons and dropped them into his pack before exhaling as he looked at everyone, trying to gauge each person’s mental state.
It didn’t really matter since he couldn’t do a thing for them, so he turned and moved off in the direction they originally were traveling. It took half an hour to get back to the main road, but soon they were back on track, having only lost an hour and a half. John felt what he could only describe as combat fatigue mixed with a splash of depression. John experienced pressure during this operation like no other pressure he’d ever felt on any past mission. The burden of fighting and babysitting was almost too much. He wanted to go back to the ranch, have Shannon cook something hot, eat it, then sleep for two days.
Jared could tell John was slowly wearing down and knew the cause was most likely the responsibility the man placed on himself in regard to making sure everyone else was safe during their trip across the Bay Area. Jared caught up to Barry and jerked his head backwards, indicating Barry trade spots with him. When Barry dipped his head and fell to the rear of the group, Jared hurried his pace until he was even with John.
“Barry and I are smart guys, and I heard those two talking like tech guys talk about ideas for the ranch house and the whole Powerwall idea,” Jared probed, attempting to lure John into a positive conversation to get his mind off the fact that someone they’d put a tremendous amount of effort in finding was now lying dead in a strange bed.
John grimaced, stretched one arm out straight, and then rolled his shoulder. “What are we doing out here? I mean, Goddamn, man, we just suckered a guy out of his perfectly safe house and then got the poor bastard killed, for what?”
Jared chewed on the side of his lip for a second. “Yeah, but we saved two other people from a far worse fate. The kid wouldn’t have lasted forever, so I think we can count that as a positive.” Jared walked in silence for a moment. “Hey, man, we aren’t always going to be successful out here. All aspects of this new world are pretty much working against us, so the fact that we’re even alive is a positive thing.” Jared finished with a pained smile.
John walked on in silence. He knew Jared was right about the two women and the quirky teen, but Dwight’s death made the operation seem fifty percent a failure, and he didn’t like failing at those percentages. The two men walked side by side without a word spoken between them for a solid thirty minutes before John stopped and checked the city map. They were getting closer to the business Devon had toured during his research for the school paper he’d written.
Jared felt John was moving slower and presented a visibly worn-down version of his former self. It was oddly fascinating how when this man was in an upbeat mood, he seemed invincible, with his good looks and muscled frame. Now John actually came off a little pathetic, which bothered Jared.
He didn’t like the thought of carrying the load for their group. He was perfectly fine stepping up and doing any heavy lifting he had to when it came to decision-making, but when the hammer dropped and they were presented with a life-or-death situation like the one they’d just gone through, he needed John. He wanted to talk to the man, but after all the time he’d spent with Bart, Jared realized
