“I wasn’t implying…Holden, I would never think that of you,” I whispered.
He nodded and stepped back but I tugged him forward and waited until his fiery eyes met mine. “Seriously, honey, it never crossed my mind that you wouldn’t’ve tried to save him. You’re a good man. A good teammate. I was going to say, but I don’t want what happened to him to stop you from telling me about your experiences. It might make me the world’s worst person, but I got over his death a long time ago. He was my husband on paper only. We were just friends and I mourned him as such. He wasn’t my lover. He didn’t have my heart. He was just Paul.”
Holden’s face softened and he gave me a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I overreacted.”
“You didn’t. You thought I was questioning your integrity.”
“I know you better than that. I was wrong. Let me apologize so we can move on.”
“Okay.”
And once again, we were on the move. This time, he didn’t stop until we made it up a narrow staircase, only pausing on the landing to open the door and wave me through. That was when I got my first look at the Gemini Group office. I’d walked past the street-level door plenty of times. I’d sat at the park across the street while Faith tossed pennies in the fountain and stared at the building wondering which second-floor windows belonged to them, but I’d never been in the office.
Holy wow. Holden and the others must’ve charged a whack for their services if they could afford a place like this. The reception area, minus an actual receptionist desk, was beautiful. Tall arched windows had a perfect view of Fountain Park and the courthouse. The farthest wall was exposed brick, the floors were worn hardwood, the ceiling was stamped tin square tiles, and the furniture, though sparse, was handsome and looked expensive.
I only had a moment of contemplation before Jonny, Nixon, and Jameson joined us.
“Morning,” Nixon greeted and I winced at his disheveled appearance.
“Long night?” I returned.
“Yeah. Holly was up half the night.”
I could remember those sleepless nights like they happened yesterday. For the first two years of Faith’s life, I felt like I was walking around in a fog. Dazed and confused was the best way to describe my state of mind back then. I was fumbling through, trying to learn how to be a mom with no example of what that looked like. I had a cold, distant mother, not a loving mom, and I refused to follow in her footsteps.
“Teething?”
“Yup. Two bottom teeth coming in at the same time. She’s miserable.”
“Poor thing.”
Nixon jerked his chin in agreement then asked, “Faith okay this morning?”
No, she hadn’t been okay until Holden had talked to her. My normally sweet, people-pleasing daughter had turned into a scared, stubborn little girl. Another reason to hate the Towlers. They did that to her—made her so afraid she didn’t want me left alone. She’d seen me hurt and had been taken and drugged.
Faith had talked about what happened while I was in the hospital. I let her lead the conversation just like Beth, who Jonny had sent from victims assistance, instructed me to do. Holden and I were silent as she recounted what she remembered. Throughout this, Holden looked like he was going to go on a murder spree. Thankfully, Faith was too young to feel the anger coming from him. I, however, felt every spark of fury.
“She was worried about Charleigh being left alone,” Holden responded before I could. “We’re following Beth’s orders and not pushing her to talk about what she saw. I get we have to give her time, but she has to start processing what she went through, how she feels, and what happened to her. Right now, Faith’s all about Charleigh and I don’t think that’s healthy.”
Holden was right. I thought about that while Faith was getting dressed.
“The way Beth explained it is, what Faith’s dealing with is two-fold,” Jonny interjected. “What happened to her and what happened to her mom. Faith has to feel safe before she can deal with her trauma. Charleigh is what makes her feel safe. Once Faith knows her mom is okay, she’ll open up. But she can’t do that until she believes Charleigh is all right.”
Good Lord, that hurt my heart. I was the parent. It was my job to protect my child, not the other way around. I was supposed to be Faith’s safe harbor, her shelter, yet, she was so worried about me she was bottling up her emotions.
“Again, I get that. We’re working on Faith seeing that Charleigh is well taken care of and that there’s nothing to be afraid of so she’ll open up. What I’m saying is, I don’t like coming downstairs seeing Charleigh and Faith in a standoff, with Faith refusing to go to school because she doesn’t want her mom to be alone. That conversation should’ve been about how Faith didn’t want to go to school because she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped again. So any other advice Beth has for us about how to move this process along would be appreciated.”
There were a lot of “we’s” in Holden’s statements along with an “us” thrown in there. The use of the pronouns made my heart thunder in my chest. I wasn’t used to “us” and “we”—it had always been “me” and “I”. I took care of Faith. It was I who would get her through the latest trauma the Towlers had inflicted on my child.
“I’ll ask her to call you and Charleigh.”
You and Charleigh.
Before I could protest or question or remind Jonny that Beth should call me, not Holden, his gaze went to me and he launched into
