“I don’t know how you can stand there and apologize.”
Charleigh jerked and folded her arms over her chest. The protective gesture made his blood sizzle. “You don’t have a goddamn thing to be sorry for. You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t lie. You weren’t a fucking idiot and took the word of a fucking doctor without questioning it, without a second opinion.”
Holden dropped his elbows to his knees, bowed his head, and closed his eyes. “You didn’t miss the birth of your child. You didn’t miss her first steps. You didn’t miss her first day of school. You didn’t do a fucking thing wrong, so don’t you fucking apologize.”
The warmth of her hands hit his shoulders and Holden felt his jaw get tight again.
“I have a lot to apologize for.”
“No, you don’t,” he argued.
“We were both wrong, Holden. Both of us could’ve done a number of things differently. I could’ve asked for a DNA test. I could’ve been stronger and told my parents to fuck off. When Bea and Patty stormed my house and took Paul’s stuff, including that box, I could’ve told them to get out. I didn’t do any of those things because I was scared and hurt and so damn lost. It’s embarrassing how weak I was. We are both at fault.”
She squeezed his shoulders. “But you know who isn’t? Faith. She’s innocent in all of this. So the question is, can we get our shit sorted and give her what she deserves? Have we learned anything from the past? God knows I have. Have you?”
His head slowly lifted and he took her in.
Christ, so beautiful.
And for the second time in his life, she was right in front of him with her heart on her sleeve as they stood at the precipice of greatness—of happiness, of a beautiful future. It was right there, so close all he had to do was step off the cliff and freefall.
She’d catch him.
No. They’d catch each other.
“What if she was my only chance and I missed it?”
The question hadn’t left his mouth before Charleigh was pushing him back on his bed. She wasted no time crawling in next to him. Then she pressed close, her arm went over his chest, her leg over his thigh, and she pinned him to the bed.
“Then she grows up an only child, or we adopt, or we do IVF, or we find another option.”
Pain carved a path the length of his body. A sting so bad, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be the same. He’d missed it, he’d hurt her. Hurt them.
“My pregnancy was easy.” Charleigh’s soft voice sliced through his thoughts. “The only thing I craved was mac and cheese. I could eat it breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I went to every doctors’ appointment so excited to hear her heartbeat. I could listen to the whooshing all day. Sometimes, I’d ask to hear it a second time when the appointment was done. My water broke at seven in the morning. I was in the kitchen and I thought I peed myself.” Charleigh huffed a laugh and Holden closed his eyes. “When I got to the hospital, I was so scared. I couldn’t wait to finally meet my daughter but I was terrified of labor. I had great nurses. They knew I wanted an unmedicated birth so they—”
“Wait. What? You didn’t want drugs?”
“Nope. I wanted to experience natural childbirth. All the nurses were great but I had this one named Rebecca. She actually stayed after her shift and helped me. If it wasn’t for her coaching, I would’ve given in and taken the pain meds. She held my hand while I pushed, she encouraged me, and when I was crying that I couldn’t do it she gave me a dose of tough love. She saw me through. I even got to help deliver Faith.”
Charleigh paused again. This time when she started to giggle she didn’t stop when she said, “Rebecca was insistent I could do it. She nearly crawled in the bed behind me to prop me up so I could reach between my legs. I must’ve looked ridiculous, Rebecca had one arm hooked around my leg holding it up, her chest was to my back almost bending me in half with this huge belly in the way. But when the doctor took my hands and guided them to Faith’s body and I got to hold onto her as she came into the world, it was the most amazing experience of my life.”
“I wish I was there,” Holden whispered and fought back the wetness in his eyes.
“I wish you were, too.”
Then Charleigh snuggled closer and told Holden a story he’d never forget. He committed every detail to memory as she gave him an accounting of his daughter’s life. First tooth, when she started to crawl, walk, when she learned to draw, first day of school, all the details he should’ve known. It was exquisite pain, profound and agonizing.
And through it all, she clung to him and he hung on her every word, soaking it in, needing more.
“I want to know her.” Holden cleared the lump in his throat. “I don’t know how we tell her I’m her dad, and if you want to wait, I’ll understand, but I want…” He trailed off, not knowing how to put into words exactly what he wanted. Everything didn’t begin to scratch the surface. He wanted Faith to be the center of his universe, he wanted to be an integral part of her life, he wanted her to need him, he wanted to teach her and learn from her. He wanted to earn
