"At first?"
"I wasn't like he expected. I suppose Imisled him. It wasn't intentional, but I can see now where he gotsome wrong ideas about me. You might as well know we didn't have agood marriage. We were more partners than man and wife." Sheexplained. Her face mirrored her emotions.
"That sounds pretty cold."
"It was."
He cleared his throat, knowing theconversation was heading in the wrong direction. Yet his curiosityof what went wrong made him ponder her words.
"I mean before we married, he was a talker,and he'd tell me about his farm and what he wanted to do with it,and it sounded so nice. He'd talk about a lot of things. But afterwe married, things changed. His folks were angry with him formarrying the likes of me. That upset him. He became quieter andmore distant. I hadn't expected that. I suppose I should have, butI had no family, and hadn't for some time. But he proposed to me,and kind of out of the blue."
Wes seemed to try to put things together butfor the life of him, it didn't fit. She was young, pretty, andsweet, what could have gone wrong?
"I guess marriage wasn't what I expected itwould be."
"And what did you expect it to be?"
She sighed heavily looking out on theprairie. "My girlfriends were giddy about getting married, theywere so happy, so excited. They'd talk about being kissed andcourted. Jim didn't do either."
"Neither?" Wes was really staring now.
"Guess that sounds kind of funny, huh. I wasstupid, knew very little about things, and I thought it would allcome after we married. You know the kissing and stuff."
"It didn't."
"No, I think Jim kind of thought of me likehis daughter at first, and then when I accepted his proposal,nothing really changed. And I'll admit, I only flirted because Iwas lonely. He didn't really court me. He never even kissed me. Butmarriage didn't make it less lonely. It made it worse. So I readbooks, wonderful books on love and marriage and how it should be.But ours was never like that. It was like reading a fairy tale. Jimhated me reading. At first, I tried hard to impress him. I'd cookmeals I knew he liked; I'd fix the place up nice, so he'd want tostay home. But nothing impressed him. And when I ask him if he waspleased, he'd tell me that was a woman's job, to cook, andclean."
"What does a woman want out of marriage?"Wes suddenly asked.
She glanced up at the stars and smiled,"Someone who holds your hand in the dark. Someone who wipes yourtears away and tells you things will be better. Someone who knowsyour soul and respects it for what it is. Someone who makes yourheart hammer when he looks at you."
He turned once more to stare into herface.
"And what do you give back?"
"Trust, faith, hope, and love… if he letsyou."
"Let's you?" he questioned.
"Mr. Dolan, my husband didn't love me. Hemerely wanted me… " She suddenly turned away. "At least atfirst."
"And that changed too?"
"Yes… "
"Why, I mean. Your young, beautiful, whatchanged?"
Seeing he'd overstepped his bounds he shookhis head, "It's not my business."
"Mr. Dolan," she stood up now and movedaway. "My husband was not a gentle man in any way. The way he hadprotected me at first, made me think he was. But I found out on ourwedding night."
"Well ma'am, isn't that the way itgoes?"
"You don't understand." Tears came into hereyes and she stared at him. "You couldn't possibly understand, hewas a monster. And that was the one and only time he ever touchedme."
Then she went into the house quietly andclosed the door.
Wes turned to watch her, saw the glint oftears on her cheek and turned away with a frown. My God, he hadn'texpected her to say something like that!
Was she that naïve about what goes on duringthe wedding night, or had he been brutal instead of gentle?
Wes sat there in the sweet night air andthought about her words. He'd wondered why there was no remorse forhis death, nor sadness that he was gone. Only acceptance of thefact. My God, what was she saying, had the man raped her, on herwedding night!
Chapter Seven
The next morning when Wes came inside, Katehad everything on the table. She barely said good morning. Hercheeks bloomed a bright pink now.
"I'm sorry Mr. Dolan. I should never haveopened my mouth last night. It was wrong of me. It wasn't yourbusiness, but it just came rushing out of me. I didn't mean to tellanyone. But you’re a drifter, I'll probably never see you again, soit didn't seem to matter. But please, don't tell anyone else. Icouldn't bear it."
"Ma'am what you say to me, goes no further,I assure you. And maybe it was good you got it off your chest. Icould tell there was something deep down bothering you. Sometimesjust saying something can take a lot off your shoulders."
"That was wrong, all wrong. And Iapologize."
Wes said nothing.
She served up breakfast and they didn't talkmuch. She determined she would not be confessing anything else toanyone.
But in her mind, she reasoned Wes might beright. She did feel better now. Better because she knew he didn'tunderstand why she hadn't mourned her husband. Now he knew, andperhaps they could work more peacefully together. Not that they hada problem, but it seemed everyone would naturally wonder why shedidn't mourn her husband's passing.
But last night, after she confessed hersecret, she was so ashamed.
Just now, he'd made it better.
The last load of corn, Wes delivered toDickens and Wes sat and had coffee with him. "So is everythinggoing alright out there?" Dickens asked.
"Yeah, this is the last of the corn."
"Good. I gave those families a lot of it andthey sure were happy to get it. You see, I gave them some pigs too.When you're starving anything looks good to you."
"I'll bet. How many are there?"
"About ten families. They said they hadenough to save for seeds and grow them some next year." Dickenslaughed. "Some of the women got gardens now and we'll swap back andforth."
"Good."
"So
