I was stalling and Adam knew it. He gently took the bottle away from me. “Maddy, what’s going on?”
His eyes, the color indiscernible in this low light, met mine. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. “Adam,” I said, sighing and glancing away, “we need to talk.”
He said nothing, so I ventured a peek. Although Adam seemed to be keeping his expression impassive, irritation was still evident.
So, in a string of rapid-fire words, I blurted out, “I think I’m going to move back to Harbour Falls for the rest of the winter.”
The look on Adam’s face was pure shock. I felt terrible, but I went on. “I’m just having a hard time concentrating on writing over here on the island.”
It was a lie, and we both knew it.
“You seemed to be doing fine up until today,” Adam challenged.
The hint of irritation I’d noted was morphing quickly to anger. Not that I blamed him. This was a lie and he knew it.
“I just think I’d be more productive—”
“Cut the shit, Maddy,” he said. “Tell me what this is really about. You’ve been acting strangely since the plane ride back from Boston.”
True, I’d been a little distant since New Year’s Day. I couldn’t deny it. Apparently it had not gone unnoticed by the ever-perceptive Mr. Ward. The fact that Adam could read me so well tore at my emotions. I didn’t want to leave the island—leave Adam—but what choice did I have? According to Ami, the clock was ticking, and I’d already wasted enough time. I needed to find out what was going on, and I needed to do it quickly. How did this secret tie Adam to Ami…to Helena? Was Nate involved? More importantly, what the hell was the secret? I was going to have to gather clues to get to the bottom of whatever was going on, and I couldn’t do that from here. Adam was too entwined in my life.
When I didn’t offer an answer, he pressed. “Why do you really want to leave the island, Madeleine? I want the truth. Now.”
The truth… How ironic, since that was what this was really all about. But what was I supposed to say? I am trying to uncover your real secret so you’ll be safe? From what—or who—I don’t know. But you’re going to have to trust me on this one. Because, oh yeah, the person who tried to kill me two months ago warned me not to tell you anything.
No, I didn’t think any of that would go over very well.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath. I was going to have to go with the approach I had hoped not to have to use. But now I could see there’d be no other way. Adam knew I’d written a bunch here on the island. That excuse wasn’t going to cut it. I was going to have to break up with him.
With my eyes still closed, I said quietly, “Adam, things have moved so fast with us, right from the beginning. And lately I’ve been thinking…”
He knew right away what was happening. He touched my cheek, his touch a hot brand to my shame. “Open your eyes, Madeleine. If you’re breaking up with me, the least you can do is look at me.”
His words ripped me to shreds. I don’t want to do this though, I wanted to scream. When I dared to open my eyes, I couldn’t believe the level of hurt I saw in his. I’d blindsided him with my words; he never anticipated this development. Damn Ami to hell.
“Is this really what you want?” he asked.
“I just need a little time, Adam.” My voice cracked. “I’m not saying I want this to be a permanent thing. I just need a break.”
He laughed, but there was no humor behind it. “A break, Madeleine? Are you serious?”
I nodded meekly since Adam was back to looking furious. I deserved every bit of his anger. I half expected him to tell me he never wanted to see me again, I wouldn’t blame him. He didn’t go that far, but what he said was almost as bad.
“Go ahead. Take as much time as you need.” His eyes met mine, all emotion draining from them. “But don’t think for a minute I’ll be sitting around waiting for you to decide what you want. I thought you already knew.”
“Adam—”
He cut me off. “Just remember, Madeleine, this was your decision.”
I sobbed; I couldn’t hold the hurt back any longer. Adam ran a hand through his hair and turned away, but not before saying under his breath, “You should probably go.”
No, no, no, I wanted to say. But even if I wanted to take it all back, it was too late. The walls were up, the damage done. Adam’s silence and turned back was my dismissal.
Without another word, I walked away. When I reached the steps, I cast a final glance back to the man whose heart I’d just broken. Adam stood completely still, as if he was still digesting the false words I’d delivered. His wide shoulders hunched as he gripped the edge of the shelf that separated the upper racks from the lower. I longed to run to him, tell him this was all just an act perpetrated to protect him. But I couldn’t do that. I had to make sure Adam’s secret, whatever it was, didn’t come back to haunt him.
So I left, allowing Adam to believe I’d just broken up with him like some flighty twit who didn’t know what she wanted. When the real truth was that I’d do anything to save him, even if it meant destroying the best thing I’d ever had.
Chapter Five
I dragged myself up the steps, leaving Adam and the wine cellar behind. I stopped at the top, allowing what I’d just done to sink in well and good. God, I’d really broken up with Adam. I suddenly felt like an
