“I’m actually gonna head home, though,” I say, not wanting to spoil his fun.
“What, why?” The concern is clear in his gaze as he looks me over, his eyes asking the questions his mouth can’t.
I pat his arm, letting him know I’m okay.
“I’m just tired, Owen. It’s been a long day and I’ve got a shift tomorrow morning.”
He nods, looking down at my hand resting upon him. Shaking his head, he stands a bit taller. “Yeah, of course. Just give me five and I’ll walk you.”
“No way, Owen. This party was your idea—I’m not gonna pull you away from it all just because I need to go to bed. I want you to stay, please.”
He doesn’t reply, pursing his lips as he looks to the ground before coming back to me.
“I’m serious, Owen. I’m fine, and I don’t live far anyway. I’m just gonna hail a cab.”
I refuse to let him leave, so drunk or not, he’d better understand I’m still my own person. If I tell him I’m leaving alone, he will listen.
“Okay,” he finally relents. He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “If you’re sure.”
“I’ll be fine. Give my love to everyone—I think they’re all too wasted to even notice I’m going. I’ll call you tomorrow,” I say to him and Em.
She gives me a quick hug before walking over to Reeve, each step a little shaky.
“Lottie,” Owen finally says to me now we are alone. Well, as alone as you can be in a room full of people.
“Puppy…” I put up my hand. “Stop.”
His eyes pinch together as he looks at me. I hate making him feel this way, but I need my independence and I need to reinforce some boundaries. It’s a personal thing more than anything.
“I know you want to take care of me and make sure I get home okay, but you need to have fun tonight. Live your life like you did before I came smashing into it. I’ve spoken to Em and Stana; I know you used to go out all the time, and since we’ve met you never do.”
“I never said I didn’t like going out, Lottie. Am I not allowed to change?” His voice takes on a slight edge of frustration, and I know starting this conversation in the middle of the party is a terrible idea, especially when everyone has had a few drinks.
“I’m not saying that. You know I love spending time with you. You’ve been there for me more than anyone, and I just don’t want you giving up things you love for me.”
He’s silent, his eyes no longer on me as he looks off. Guilt fills my body, and I want to kick myself for not doing this at a better time or place.
“It’s just been a really long day, okay? I don’t want to get into something now. I promise to text you as soon as I’m home.”
I soften my voice, placing my hand on his arm as I silently plea for him to look at me. He finally relents, nodding.
“Okay, we still on for tomorrow?” he asks, voice hopeful.
“Of course. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Not sure I’d be able to let go if I hugged him right now, I pat his arm and leave.
I spend the next morning with Stana and Em at my flat, both of them attempting to convince me to head to Edinburgh for Christmas. But I can’t seem to deny, even though I just met Evie, her offer has been at the forefront of my mind. Despite fully moving on from Beck and harboring no positive feelings for him, I’m just not ready to go back to Edinburgh yet, especially at Christmas.
After telling the girls it’s just too soon, I see the understanding dawn on their faces. They won’t push this, that I know.
I pick at Evie’s chocolate cake I made this morning for their visit after realizing I’d stuffed up and my early shift was for tomorrow, not today. I swear pregnancy brain is a very real thing and I’ve got it.
“Where will you spend Christmas, then?” Em asks, mouth open, showing me bits of mushed-up cake. I’ve never been one to cook, but when Evie gave me her recipe as I was leaving, I couldn’t exactly pass up a chance at making it. I may have texted her a picture of it, then received an image of her with a big grin and a thumbs-up.
My face heats slightly as I reply. I try to keep my voice level; otherwise, I know the two of them will jump down my throat for details.
“Uh, Owen’s mum asked if I wanted to spend Christmas day at their house.”
Stana stops mid-bite, while Em starts coughing, seemingly choking on hers. “Sorry, what?” Em says.
“It’s not what you think. Owen and I are just friends, I swear. He wanted me to meet his mum, so we went by and we just really got along.” I continue to focus on the food.
“Lottie, you know you could tell us if there was something going on with Owen. He’s an amazing guy, we love him, and we’d love you two together,” Stana adds in, but I quickly cut her off, shaking my head.
“I mean it when I say we’re just friends. After everything that happened with Beck, it was nice to know that not all men are the spawn of Satan. There are so many other factors that go into why we would never work in a million years, anyway. Plus, I’m clearly not ready.”
“Is this more you don’t want it to happen, or you’re scared of what could happen if you tried? Because girl, Stana and I have been there and it’s better to take the risk.”
“It doesn’t matter. All I know right now is that Owen and I are better as friends. Everything is already so complicated; I don’t want to lose him. I won’t.” Even the thought of losing him scares the
