“Okay, of course.”
“And if there is even a slight issue, don’t hesitate to call this office or if you think it’s an emergency, you call the ambulance.”
We spend the next hour getting everything sorted, and then Owen is finally able to hail a cab for us. I’m silent the entire process, quickly getting in next to him, his familiar scent providing me the only comfort to this tumultuous day.
I jolt when his ice-cold hands come to rest upon mine. My fingers briefly dig into the plastic-covered seat before loosening up. I wait a few more breaths, finally giving in to what I want, the one thing I always seem to want.
My body sags as my head tilts to the side, resting on Owen’s broad shoulder. He’s tense—I can tell from just being next to him, but feeling him is another thing. It takes him less than a second to relax as I lean on him, something I’ve become far too familiar with.
Neither of us speaks as the car begins to move, and I start to realize that today has been traumatizing not only for me, but also for Owen. I’ve dragged him into my mess and, in turn, given him emotional baggage I don’t think he ever asked for.
But alas, we’re here. And wanting to or not, we’re feeling the weight of today’s events epically. So we sit together in silence, hands clasped with my head on his shoulder, and for a small moment, we let ourselves feel it all.
It took nearly an hour of convincing, but I eventually got Owen to go home. Despite his insistent questioning, I refused to let him stay, thinking it was best for each of us to have some time to process everything.
It’s the next morning now and I sit on my couch, attempting to keep my pulse down. All this panic over the past twenty-four hours can’t be good for me or the baby. Stana and Emilia sit in front of me, the fear on their faces clear.
I guess it’s time to come clean.
“So obviously, I’m pregnant,” I tell them. I try to laugh, keep things light, but it’s a fail. They both just nod, waiting for me to continue. After a deep breath, I start from the beginning, taking them all the way back to July. All through Beck’s cheating, my escape to London, then my realization about the baby. And then I get to Owen. About him being my rock for the past few months and how much he means to me.
They sit there, listening, Emilia continuously drinking tea because she is nervous while Stana is doe eyed, my pain prominent in her features.
Before I know it, I’ve explained the past six months in vivid detail, both of them with their jaws on the floor.
“I gotta go to the loo, gals. I’m about to wet myself. I’ll give you two some time to decompress and digest it all. Lord knows I’ve had months, and you two have only had a few hours.” I pat their hands, hoping to give them a touch of reassurance before I wander off. I hear them talking to one another after I’ve left the room, and despite my desire to listen in, I don’t. I attend to my business and come back when I think they’ve had enough time.
Yet as soon as I see the two of them on the couch, I can’t help but grin.
“I’m just happy I finally got to tell you gals,” I say, their serious faces suddenly dissipating, Em jumping off the couch.
“Holy shit!” she says. “You’re having a baby.”
Stana begins to cry, both girls racing over to hug me, each being cautious of the special little girl growing inside of me.
We spend a few minutes crying with one another, celebrating that they will both be aunties, my soul feeling so much lighter now that they know.
“Do you know what you’re having?”
“It’s a little girl,” I say, beaming.
“A little girl!” they both scream out, my eardrums ringing from it all.
Our little screaming fest continues, none of us able to contain our excitement, and despite already being privy to the information I’ve just shared with them, I somehow feel the joy all over again. Because sharing this with both of them, the two most important women in my life, finally makes it all real. And it’s in this moment I know it will all be okay, because despite baby not having a daddy, I know she will have a mama who loves her more than life, and two aunties who will be the best role models she could ever ask for, and for me, that means everything.
Despite everything, it turned out letting the metaphorical cat out of the bag in regard to my pregnancy was just the thing I needed to relieve all the invisible stress I’d been feeling over the weeks leading up to January.
As predicted, Stana and Emilia couldn’t help themselves, packages arriving at my flat daily for the baby. All were equally adorable, but I didn’t have the heart to tell them she won’t be able to wear six different pairs of overalls as a newborn before she grows out of everything.
The biggest surprise came my way when I spilled the beans to Joan at work as I had to cut down my hours. Apparently, she’d clued in a few months back. My mortification was strong since I thought I’d pulled the wool over her eyes. And despite my fear that she was angry with me for keeping the secret, her understanding extended to every aspect of work.
So, as the weeks of January passed by and my due date crept closer and closer, I finally felt free to experience pure elation and excitement. Not even the murky areas with Owen concerned me too much. I’d placed all my inappropriate feelings toward him in a small box and shoved it so far down in my soul, it would take an expedition team
