I latch onto that bit of information while I press the button to roll down the window and turn to him.
He leans down, his head coming into view, and I want to run. Instead of him being angry like I would be, raging in fact, hurt encompasses every aspect of his face.
“Do either of you want to tell me what the hell is going on?” he asks. His voice is abnormally low, and I know he’s attempting to keep his emotions in check.
“I think I should call a cab,” Em says from next to me.
“Don’t bother,” I snap, instantly feeling bad it was directed at her. “This is Reeve’s car—you need to take it home. I’ll call an Uber.”
I don’t give her a second to question it, throwing open the door, just missing Owen. “I’m sorry, Em. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
She nods in understanding before turning on the engine. Owen steps aside quickly as I get out and beeline across the road. He follows me as I go.
“What the fuck is going on, Lottie?” Owen catches up to me as I stop and turn to face him. I guess it’s really now or never.
“Who is she?” I ask, looking him directly in the eyes. He visibly flinches at my question before realization dawns on him.
“Are you serious right now?”
I stand my ground. “You said you were working late, working alone.”
“And you thought I was lying? So, what, you followed me?”
“You were lying!” I yell at him. “I caught you with her and you got into her car, Owen!”
He shakes his head, as if he can’t fully believe what’s happening.
“Lottie, I know a lot has been going on lately and I’ve been busy with work, but I’m telling you it’s not what you think. I would never cheat on you. I’m asking you to take my word on this.”
My head and heart meet one another in battle, crashing together at his words. I desperately want to believe him, to take his word, but my past refuses to let me do that.
“Who was she, Owen?” I ask again, his face falling at my refusal.
“She’s a lawyer, Lottie. She’s married to Amanda, my coworker. You met her, remember?” His voice is flat and filled with disappointment as I remember the blonde in his office who mentioned a wife named Sarah.
“I don’t understand,” I admit, feeling far too confused about this whole situation.
“I didn’t have a car, so she offered to give me a ride home. Offered to have me over for dinner with Amanda too, but I wanted to grab some stuff from my place so I could get to you sooner.”
Okay, shit, here comes the guilt.
“Did you really think I’d cheat on you? Me of all people?” I have to look away from him, unable to take the pain I’ve caused.
“I—” Clearly unable to form a coherent sentence, I stare at the ground.
“And instead of coming to me, you followed me with Em? I mean, who is with Rosie right now?”
I snap my head up at her name. “She’s with Stana, and I’m allowed to go out. She’s my daughter. I would never put her at risk.”
“I wasn’t insinuating that.” He lets out a shaky breath. “God.” His mouth pinches together as he nods. “I think a part of you is so desperate to sabotage this that you were hoping I was cheating, just so you don’t get hurt again.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I retort.
“But is it?”
I don’t have the heart to agree he might be correct. That my initial fears are keeping him away from a life he deserves and I don’t know how much longer I can keep them at bay.
Before I can respond, my phone buzzes, Stana texting to say Rosie’s woken up.
“Fuck,” I mutter. “It’s Rosie. I need to go.” It’s a bullshit excuse; we both know Stana is perfectly capable of handling things. But something about having this fight in the street feels wrong.
“I’ll call an Uber,” Owen says, his tone still filled with animosity.
We stand on the corner, waiting for the car, only the sound of the wind to keep us company. When the car arrives, Owen goes straight to the front seat, something he’s never done before, and I know things are bad.
A heavy silence, thick like fog, swarms the car. My eyes lock onto my hands so I have something to focus on, so I don’t cry.
Once we arrive home, Stana is already on her feet, clearly having been pacing. Her eyes widen when she spots the both of us.
“I put her back to sleep with her bottle. She’s out like a light.”
I give her a tight smile, feeling a world of guilt about how I’ve treated her and Em tonight. “Thanks, babe. I’ll call you in the morning?”
She nods, grabbing her jacket and slipping out, but not before giving Owen a sad smile.
I turn to Owen, the hurt from tonight the only thing I can hold onto. Sure, I was wrong, but who knows if I will be in the future. I can’t continue to live with these feelings of uncertainty. I know I’m being irrational, but right now all reasonable thought has flown out the window.
“I think it would be better if we had some space.” As soon as the words slip out of my mouth, I know I’ll eventually regret them. But right now, I don’t have the ability to manage my wild emotions and look after my daughter. Lately it feels as though all I’ve been consumed with is fear. Fear of fucking up as a mum. Of Owen cheating on me, leaving me.
“Are you serious right now?” Disbelief encompasses his words; he probably expected a fight before we made up, not this curveball I’ve decided to chuck his way.
“Jesus Christ, Owen, don’t you get it? We’ve been playing house together, big happy family, but it isn’t real. At the end of
