She's going to break up with me. I thought, and fell for it's cunning disguise. She's realized it can't work and she's going to leave me. That's why she has to wait until it's not my birthday.
I gave her what she wanted, and didn't ask her about it. Even though I worried about it, I made it my mission to be extra sweet to her. I wasn't sure what I was doing wrong.
Maybe I wasn't soft enough, or I didn't hold her as much as she liked. A lot of girls liked being cuddled. Maybe I wasn't cuddly enough. Or I wasn't being vulnerable enough. I still had yet to tell her about my burns, or my relationship with my mother. Maybe she regarded that as not opening up.
I knew if she would just tell me, I'd fix it. I'd change whatever it was she needed me to. I didn't want to lose her, and I knew she knew that. I knew she had to know how much I loved her.
No one else seemed to realize that something was wrong. About an hour after cake, the adults all started planning to leave one by one, with large smiles on their faces and remarking at how cute Julie and I were together.
I held her closer than usual, and smiled when they would say it. “Beauty and the Beast. Couldn't live without her,” I'd say, and Julie tensed in my arms.
Maybe I was too clingy. Julie said be open, not become a leech. Maybe I was suffocating her by being around too often, so I gave her some distance, and thought about what I should do before I just did it.
The suspense was killing me.
Ava and Dr. Marstens were the last to leave, and then it was just Hilary, Liam, Julie, and me. We all talked for a while, or mostly, Julie and I listened to Liam and Hilary talk, and watched them touch and tease each other.
It was only a few minutes before they told us they were walking to the pier. They invited us, but when Julie said no, I said no too. We watched them walk away, and then things really grew stressful for me.
I looked at her as she leaned against the table, her hands folded as when in prayer and pressed against her lips. She looked so far away, that I knew that even if I reached out and touched her, she wouldn't know. She wasn't here, with me.
It felt worse that way, to have her near me, but not with me. She was gone, and I was here, watching her, and kicking myself for whatever it was I was doing to make everything so horribly wrong.
“Thanks for the party,” I told her, and she turned. She smiled and tilted her head.
“You're welcome. Ava did most of the stuff though,” she told me. “I just pointed her in the right direction.”
“I wouldn't have had a party if it hadn't been for you,” I told her. I felt the weight beginning to feel heavier against my chest. “If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here, staring at the most beautiful creature that I've ever seen, and being scared out of my wits.”
Julie looked at me, and then she started to say something. I reached for her hands and shook my head.
“No, just listen. I love you, Julie. And if you're wanting to break up with me, just tell me what I'm doing wrong, and I'll change it. I'm-”
“Breaking up with you?” she asked suddenly. She didn't look amused, but more so frightened. “Why would you think I'm going to break up with you, Falon? I love you,” she said, and voice tottered on desperation.
She looked so close to falling apart.
“Because you wanted to wait until after my birthday. You've been distant and quiet all night, and I know I'm not being as open as I should be. I just don't want you to give up on me,” I told her.
She started to cry, and that shook me. Julie lifting her hands to her eyes, and standing up to move away, it both confused and scared me. She breathed in deeply, and she shuddered as I stood up.
When I went to her, she molded into me, and buried her face against my chest. I held her as she cried and jerked, and choked on her sobs, and I was scared.
“Julie?” I whispered softly, but she just clutched my shirt and cried harder. A part of me looked around and expected for Liam to come anytime and hit me, demanding to know why I was making his sister cry.
I didn't know!
I wasn't sure what I had said that caused my Julie, my strong, stubborn Julie, to become the crying, fragile doll in my arms. It was bewildering.
“I didn't. . . wanna ruin. . . your birthday,” she said, pausing between sobs. She holding my shirt so tightly, I knew it would be a stretched, wrinkled mess by the time we were done, but I didn't care.
“What's wrong, Julie? Just talk to me. I want to help you,” I told her.
She took in a ragged breath, and then, she controlled her crying. She pulled away from me, and I watched as she walked around me and sat down on the bench again.
She was really scaring me. Watching her run her hands over her hair and avoid my eyes, she really terrified me.
“I haven't told anyone yet,” she said, her voice low. “I told you you would be the first to know,” she said, and suddenly, I knew, and I dropped to my knees in front of her, holding her hands in mine.
“What did
