As it was, there was a sinking sensation in the pit of Mike’s stomach as Sunday rolled in. He sensed that she would leave and nothing at all would have been resolved by this visit. He was at a loss over what else he could possibly do to win her over.
There was no question in his mind that their love was as strong as ever, even after a year’s separation. The sex was extraordinary. Their thoughts meshed on so many topics, disagreements were rare. It was just that the one subject about which they disagreed was a doozy, the kind that could make or break their future.
They awoke at dawn on Sunday, this time in his bedroom, rather than her hotel. When he pulled her into his arms, when he made love to her, he couldn’t hide the fierce desperation in his heart. It was in his every frantic, possessive touch, in every kiss.
And in hers.
When it was over and he held her, he felt the dampness of her tears falling on his chest and knew that he had lost the battle once more.
“You’re going to leave, aren’t you?”
“Of course,” she said briskly, then added with a catch in her voice, “school starts again tomorrow. You knew that.”
“It’ll be out in June,” he said, struggling to keep his tone even. “Will you be back then? Can’t you at least give it a three-month trial run? You could move in here with me, really get to know the city. We could spend weekends exploring all of California. Don’t we deserve that much?”
She looked at him briefly, then her gaze skittered away. “Maybe. I don’t know, Mike. What would be the point? Your life is here. Mine’s there. Teaching matters to me. My friends matter. And we can’t do this to each other over and over again. It’s not like this is around the corner from home. We can’t exactly commute.”
“There are teaching jobs here. You liked my friends. They adored you. Okay, maybe there’s not the long history you share with Donna, Ginger, Daisy and the others, but these are good people, too. You loved the museums, the restaurants. I don’t get it. What’s the problem?”
Tears clung to her lashes. “It’s not home,” she said.
For her it was as simple—and as complex—as that. Anger ripped through him. Unreasonable fury stripped away any pretense of calm. He stood up and began to pace. It was happening all over again. She was throwing away what they had as if it had no importance whatsoever. He tried telling himself that she was throwing it away, not him, but it felt the same.
“You could come back,” she suggested tentatively. “Obviously your company respects your work. Maybe you could make some sort of an arrangement with them. It would mean traveling, but you do that now, right? You’re not even in San Francisco most of the time.”
“That’s not the point. This is where the headquarters are, where clients meet with us. If I’m not underfoot, I won’t be the one they think of when a big job comes in. I’ll get the leftovers. Then one day they’ll wake up and discover they don’t need me anymore at all.” He’d been through enough firings and downsizings with his father to know what emotional devastation that wreaked on everyone around. He would wind up resenting Jane for having put him in that position.
He and Jane had been over the same ground a hundred times before he’d left for San Francisco the first time. Nothing had changed…in her position or his. And it broke his heart.
If only this visit had gone badly, if only the feelings had died. Instead they were stronger than ever. He loved Jane. He wanted her as his wife. He wanted their children. He just couldn’t see any way to make it work, not when she was so totally unyielding, not when he couldn’t see any way to bend.
“We’d better be getting to the airport,” he said finally. “You wouldn’t want to miss your flight.”
He refused to acknowledge the hurt in her eyes. It didn’t make sense that they both had to be in this much pain. There had to be an alternative, one they hadn’t thought of, but damned if he could see it.
They rode to the airport in silence. Inside the terminal, as she prepared to go to the gate, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her with a hunger that left them both shaking.
“I love you,” he said fiercely, as if she needed the reminder.
“I love you,” she whispered. “Will you call?”
He hesitated. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I can go through this again, if you should go through it again. We’re just making each other miserable.”
A tremulous smile quivered on her lips. “Only when we say goodbye. The rest is magic.”
“But we seem doomed to keep saying goodbye,” he told her with regret. “Maybe this should be the last time.”
Tears spilled down her cheeks. “Or maybe we just need to learn to believe in the magic,” she whispered, and then she was gone.
Maybe she was right, he thought as he watched her go. Maybe the magic would come through for them yet, but he was far too practical a man to count on it.
* * *
When the phone rang at ten o’clock on Sunday evening after she’d gotten home, Jane’s heart began to race. It was Mike. It had to be. No matter what he’d said about making this latest goodbye the last, he hadn’t meant it. He couldn’t have. Her hand shook as she reached for the receiver.
“You’re back,” Donna said, sounding relieved. “How was your spring break? Was it wonderful? Are you going to tell me now where you went?”
“Not tonight,” Jane said, trying to hide her disappointment at the sound of her best friend’s voice. “I’m beat. It’s been a long day.”
“Are you okay? You sound funny.”
“I’m fine, just a little tired.”
“Then we’ll go out after school
