‘How much do you want for the packet,’ another man asks, a corporal of the Wehrmacht who sits smoking in the corner.
‘They’re not for sale,’ says Rainer, and snatches the packet out of Klaus’s hand.
Klaus sees me looking at him, the humiliation in his face.
‘What are you staring at?’ he says.
‘Nothing,’ I say. ‘Is there any water?’
‘Not for you, there isn’t, you stupid fuck,’ says Klaus. He glances at Rainer. Rainer bites into the packet and spits out cardboard.
It is early evening already.
They are going to die. Both of them.
Sallow or ruddy, it makes no odds.
The Wehrmacht company leave us at the next stop.
After an hour the darkness is total, and we are on our own.
_ _ _
Later, somewhere in western Polesia.
‘Psst … Klaus …’
‘Shut up and sleep …’
‘I need to piss …’
‘Ssh …’
‘But I need to piss …’
‘Shut your fucking—’
‘Do you want me to wake Rainer?’
‘What?’
‘I’m bursting here. Do you want me to wake him up? OK, I will … Hey, Rainer!’
‘What …’
‘Shut up, for God’s sake … it’s OK, Rainer, nothing … All right, come on, then.’
‘Can’t you tilt the bucket a bit?’
‘Tilt it?’
‘That’s right, tilt it.’
‘Like this?’
‘That’s it. You’re scared of Rainer, aren’t you?’
‘What?’
‘You heard.’
‘You mind I don’t punch you in the face.’
‘Go on, then. But what would you do with the bucket?’
‘Just shutit. Are you finished?’
‘Not quite. That’s it. Here.’
‘Chuck it out yourself.’
‘Aren’t you worried I’ll jump off the train?’
‘Give it here!’
‘Ssh, you’ll wake Rainer.’
_ _ _
‘What now?’
‘I’ve seen you before,’ I say. ‘You look after Dirlewanger’s zoo. You’re the one who likes to watch things grow.’
‘What?’
‘That’s what you said. You like to watch things grow.’
‘And?’
‘I can understand that …’
He snaps a thumb at his lighter, a flame flares madly in the dark. He cups his hands around it as he lights up a cigarette, his face emerges in the glow.
‘I understand why you fuck her as well …’
He stops in mid-movement. I hold his gaze. I hold his gaze, and he knows I know.
‘What?’
‘The redhead … you know who I’m talking about … the Jewish girl.’
It is instinctive and sudden, an elongation of the body, the flash of his fist. I duck to my left, he draws back his arm, lunges and grips me tight in a headlock.
‘You shut it,’ he hisses. He holds the blade of a knife to my eye. ‘I’ll kill you like a pig, I’ll cut your throat!’
‘Rainer,’ I say. ‘Rainer … if you kill me … let go.’
He releases and shoves me against the rear wall.
‘You keep your mouth shut … or else …’
‘Or else what?’
‘Shut up over there!’
_ _ _
I double up in the dark, curling into a tight ball at the first plunging kicks to my abdomen, unable to keep the breath inside me. Rainer twists my handcuffed arms up over my head and steps on my wrists. Klaus straddles my legs, fists pummelling at my stomach.
‘Now keep your fucking mouth shut!’ Rainer yells. ‘Keep your fucking mouth shut, do you hear me!’
My mouth is bleeding, my teeth feel loose.
‘Nnn!’
Rainer steps away.
‘One more peep … do you hear?’
‘Nnn!’
‘That goes for you, too, Klaus. Not one peep …’
‘Right.’
_ _ _
‘Argh … I think I’ve broken a rib …’
No answer. The wheels clatter against the tracks. Rainer breathes heavily, snoring. Not a sound from Klaus. In the flare of the lighter flame, I see Klaus turned away, staring out into the darkness.
‘You got turned in … he shafted you …’
Silence. Attentive silence.
‘I wrote the report yesterday, before I left … I can stop it …’
He says nothing. I can almost smell the thoughts as they turn inside his hideous little head. He exhales; the peppery smell of smoke lingers for a moment and is sucked out through the door. The orange dot of his cigarette flickers in the darkness.
‘I could have a word with zu Gutenberg, my boss,’ I tell him. ‘It’s on his desk … he’s on leave. He’ll be home in four days … if I don’t get back before, it’ll be passed on. Rassenschande, what’s that … death penalty, penal unit? And what about the girl?’
‘Shut your mouth. Why would anyone tell you anything?’
‘Because you SS are always at each other’s throats.’
‘And where did you get all this?’
‘Do you think I’m stupid?’
‘So tell me who snitched.’
He inhales, pleased with himself.
‘Who do you think?’
‘Just tell me, you fucking liar …’
‘How much did they tell you about Hamburg?’
‘Tell me, you bastard …’
‘I didn’t think when the complaint came in last Friday … Rainer stabbed you in the back, Klaus … I’m going to die in Hamburg, and when you get home they’ll be waiting for you … execution, penal unit. You’ll be clearing mines, Klaus, if you’re lucky.’
‘Shut it. Just shut your fucking mouth.’
_ _ _
‘I’ve got a lot of friends in Hamburg,’ I say a while later. ‘We could get away, no bother. If only …’
‘If only what?’
‘You know what you have to do, Klaus.’
‘What?’
‘I don’t know you. How would I know anything about a complaint?’
‘You’re bluffing!’
‘Use your head. You look after Dirlewanger’s little zoo. You’re a nobody, Klaus. You’re expendable. Like me. We’re little fish, spokes in a wheel … you wouldn’t get a single gram of that gold.’
‘Gold?’
‘Yes, gold. Didn’t they tell you?’
He looks at me blankly.
‘They didn’t even tell you!’
‘What should I do?’
‘We’ll be changing wagons at Brest-Litovsk, different gauges, it’ll take an hour. Get Rainer to go with you for some coffee …’
‘Coffee …?’
‘Yeah, coffee … some good coffee.’
‘I can’t …’
‘Yes, you can … coffee …’
‘Shut up about bloody coffee!’
‘They’ll do you in, Klaus … a steaming cup of good, hot coffee.’
‘And then what?’
‘Get his papers.’
‘His papers?’
‘That’s right.’
Another blank look.
‘Now’s the time, Klaus …’
‘How do I know you’re not going to do a bunk in the meantime?’
‘Cuff me to the stove. I’m done in … you beat me to a pulp, for Christ’s sake.’
_ _ _
Brest-Litovsk
The gigantic station is made up of sixteen tracks, it’s the heart and arteries of logistic operations: weaponry heading east, spoils west. The blackout is total, everything happens in
