(The RABBIS signify their agreement with Ezra. The men put on prayer shawls, phylacteries; a Messianic psalm is sung. Everybody embraces. Rabbis and their families exeunt dancing, singing. The JUDGE calls for a short intermission.)
SOPHIE. (Aside to Ezra) You miserable ideologue! You know I never swallowed that rot about redemption through sin. Your arse hole was the cleanest part of you, if you must know...
LANDSMANN. At last I can have a cigaret.
EZRA. Well, Landsmann, did I—?
(Exeunt Ezra, Landsmann, et al. Sophie’s three children run into the courtroom. They clamber into the coffin and huddle beside her, Jonathan and Toby in a fit of giggles.)
JOSHUA. If you babies could control yourself a little.
SOPHIE. Children!
JOSHUA. Are you having a good time? Come on, Mum, you can tell me the truth. You’re not really dead are you? You know there was this woman who pretended to be a ghost in a TV show—
TOBY. Please don’t move. I’m trying to keep covered.
JONATHAN. Please hide us!
SOPHIE. What’s the matter?
TOBY. Aunt Renata wants to take us to some crappy children’s theater. We want to stay home and see the four o’clock show on TV.
JONATHAN. Why can’t we stay with you?
JOSHUA. Remember when we all used to take a bath together—
TOBY. And the great pillow fight—
SOPHIE. We can’t talk here; everything is taped. Quick, just tell me how you are.
JOSHUA. The skiing is great—
TOBY. I have a talking doll. If only we didn’t have to go to the synagogue.
JONATHAN. I like going to the synagogue. (He pulls out an embroidered skullcap) Daddy’s student is teaching me to pray; he says I’m going to be a rabbi.
JOSHUA. Oh really! He doesn’t even know the Hebrew alphabet.
SOPHIE. Children, listen—
(The children are all talking at once)
TOBY. You put the record in the doll’s side and she does multiplication and spelling—
JONATHAN. It’s beautiful when they take out the Torah—
JOSHUA. I think children have a right to know. It’s really unfair—
SOPHIE. Children, listen.
JOSHUA. Hey, what time is it? (He looks at her wristwatch) C’mon Toby—we got to run.
JONATHAN. I don’t watch TV. I’m going to the synagogue to pray with Grandpa.
(They kiss her hurriedly and scramble out)
JONATHAN. But I don’t believe everything they tell me. I don’t think God loves only people who pray to him in Hebrew and (He whispers in her ear) I like Jesus, too. Don’t tell Grandpa.
(Exeunt children. Enter EZRA, LANDSMANN, JURY, LAWYERS and JUDGE.)
JUDGE. May I remind the jury once more in our final session that we are dealing with several actions on which you will decide separately. (He reads) Ezra Blind, in behalf of children, suing Icelandic Airlines. We are awaiting further evidence. Ezra Blind sues morgue of rue Bobillot for false death certificate. Insanity charge submitted by Dr. Rudolf Landsmann. Sophie Blind divorce action against Ezra Blind. Proceed with your first witness.
BLOOM. Will Mrs. Lily Bodola please take the witness stand. (A pale, emaciated, once beautiful redhead in her forties, wearing a stark black dress and a wide-rimmed black hat with a veil, is led to the witness stand by a uniformed nurse, and sworn in) Is it true that you are a widow presently convalescing at a rest home?
BODOLA. He ruined me. But I’ll pay him back. If it takes all what’s left of my three million dollars. He will bleed. Pus will run out of his ears, his tongue will fall out.
(She composes herself)
BLOOM. We realize how painful it must be for you. We regret to have to put you through this. Could you tell the court about your relationship to Ezra Blind?
BODOLA. He seduced me by lies. In the seven years I am widowed I have never had relations with a married man. Never. It was strictly against my principles. But I believed the stories he told me about his insane wife, breaking his spirit, resorting to every vicious means of holding on to him. (She rises, screaming at Ezra) You lied to me! You lied to me!
EZRA. But sweetheart, you wouldn’t sleep with me otherwise.
BODOLA. We were going to settle in Rio after I arranged your Mexican divorce. We were going to travel around the world. (To the court) In Montreux we talked about settling in Paris. In Paris we talked about running away to India. I bought a house in the Black Forest. For two years I had lawyers working for him on three continents so that we would be free to marry; I told him I couldn’t go on with these clandestine meetings. For two years he had me running around in circles till he told me he was really in love with his wife all the time. He was distraught that his wife had left him. What can he do? How can he save his marriage? With the same sublime sincerity as when he seduced me. In my opinion this man should be institutionalized.
BLOOM. Thank you, Mrs. Bodola.
(She is led out of the courtroom by the nurse)
EZRA. (Shaking his head) Menopause crisis. Such a fine person. A pity.
JUDGE. Next witness.
BLOOM. Mrs. Elaine Singer. (A pretty, pregnant young woman is sworn in and takes the witness stand) Mrs. Singer. You live in Larchmont with your husband, and have a two-year-old daughter.
SINGER. That’s right.
BLOOM. When did you meet Ezra Blind?
SINGER. Eight years ago. I was seventeen.
BLOOM. What was your relationship to Ezra Blind?
SINGER. He deflowered me. I used to baby-sit for his children. It was one of the most beautiful experiences in my life. I was worried about how his wife would feel. But he said it was a marriage of love.
BLOOM. Could you describe how it happened.
SINGER. It just happened. One day he came into the bathroom when I was sitting on the toilet—the lock didn’t close well; I was a little embarrassed, but he smiled and came right in and said he was delightfully surprised to find me on the toilet. He said to the clean all things are clean—and he did it too. He pissed.
