He gestured with two fingers at the door. “There’s a corral outside. I would rather go bull and know you’re safe and warm in here.”
“You can change for a whole night?” she asked. Her max was three hours as her longhorn.
“I can go for days. The more time I’m a bull, the better I feel.”
She pulled out the oversize T-shirt from the girlfriend starter pack. It read Dead, Dead, you’re great in bed across the tits. “You just want me to wear this.”
“Guilty. I’ll probably take a picture and put it on that stupid social media page Cheyenne started for me.”
“That’ll start rumors about who you’re dating.”
“Sounds good to me. Rumor: Dead is dating a hot-as-fuck purebred longhorn shifter with perfect tits and awesome tattoos. Yep, let’s get those rumors started.”
She snickered and shook her head. “You make me out to be way cooler than I actually am.”
He shrugged and stretched his leg out toward her. “I think you’re just fine.”
She arched her eyebrow. “How the rumor should really read: Dead is dating a purebred mess who doesn’t know how to control her animal, who does crossword puzzles for fun, has four pet plants, a shyness problem, is fifty percent social anxiety disorder and fifty percent daydreamer, doesn’t like change, and lives in fear of hurting people.”
“Eeeeerk,” Dead said, making a screeching sound. “Go back to the part where you’re afraid to hurt people. What do you mean?”
“When I change into my cow? She’s not friendly.”
“Nowhere in any cow shifter handbook was it ever promised that a full-grown bovine was supposed to be polite. We’re monsters, Raven. Who could teach a monster manners?”
“Me,” she said stubbornly. “I want her to be nice.”
“Because you’re nice,” Dead guessed. “I can tell you have a good soul. You care about people. Does it bother you that your animal didn’t get those qualities?”
She nodded. “Very much.”
“Well, the animal wasn’t your choice. She’s not yours to control.”
“Yes, she is—”
“No, she isn’t. Your animal is a part of you, but she ain’t you. My bull? You think I control him?”
“Yes?”
“Hell no. He tried to kill Cheyenne a couple weeks back just because she wore a red shirt. And because she’s human. My bull hates two things. Humans and the color red. Guess what my favorite color is?”
“Red?”
“Red,” he agreed. “Just to spite the hairy jerk that lives inside me. I don’t get along with my animal. I bet if you ask Two Shots and Quickdraw, they don’t resemble their animals either, and you know why? Because they’re different critters sharing the same body. They aren’t the same, Raven. Do you understand what I’m saying? You ain’t your monster. You’re just Raven with a bonus monster.”
She giggled on accident. She’d been feeling so serious while listening and absorbing what he was saying, things clicking into place, but he’d called her inner moo “a bonus monster” with this little smirk on his face, and it had caught her off guard.
“I think you’re very intelligent,” she said.
“Well, don’t tell anyone that. People go on thinking you’re smart, they start asking questions geared for a smart person, and I’m not doing that shit. Dumb questions only.”
As Raven laughed, she propped her elbow on the arm of the comfortable couch and rested her cheek on her palm. “I don’t think my animal hates humans. She’s not picky. She just hates everything.”
Dead’s smile fell from his lips, and he relaxed back into his recliner, rocked it gently. “Mine can’t stand humans. That right there is the real reason I rank at the top in this circuit. My bull can’t wait to get a rider off his back. After he bucks, there’s a few seconds that my animal lives for. The rider hits the dirt and then he’s helpless, scrambling to his feet, slow. That’s my bull’s chance to get him. The bullfighters all know what I’ll do at this point, know about the hatred, so they work tight and work well together to keep me off that downed rider.”
“Have you ever hurt a human?”
“Oh, yeah. Every bull will hurt someone at some point. That’s the part you have to accept. Two Shots killed a rider a few years ago. Now, I haven’t had that kind of chance yet, but my bull would be happy if it happened.”
“Would you?” she asked softly.
The look in his eyes was raw. “I would never be okay again. And as much as my bull thinks that’s what he wants, he would never be okay again either.”
“Why does he hate humans so much?”
Dead smiled, clapped his hands on the arms of the chair, and stood. “It’s late, and I’m sure you’re getting tired.”
There it was. That was a hard and unexpected shut down, and she instantly felt like she’d done something wrong. Said something unacceptable. “I’m sorry.”
“Why’d you drop your eyes like that?” he asked.
Staring at the woodgrain pattern of the wood flooring, she shrugged up a shoulder. “Thank you so much for dinner and for spending time with me. And answering all my questions. I know it was a lot. I understand so much better now, though. I will be thinking about the things you said about my animal for days. I’m calling it.” She forced a laugh. “I’ll just get changed, okay?”
When she cast him a quick glance, he was standing there all tall-as-the-roof and strong, his hands on his hips and a frown furrowing his handsome face. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing.”
He cocked his head and stared. She tried to hold his gaze. Truly, she tried, but she couldn’t.
“Okay,” he drawled out quietly. “You can use the bedroom to change. I’ll be outside.”
She swallowed hard and nodded, then took the entire girlfriend starter pack into the bedroom. The door clicked
