I’d seen the word Desi in her social media profile. I wasn’t sure what it meant, but I didn’t want to interrupt to ask. Her shoulders shook as she cried, fear and determination battling in those tears. I was pissed at these people, whoever they were, for doing this to Veena, and for making me feel so helpless.
After a few minutes, her sobs slowed. She didn’t speak again for a while. I watched car headlights crawl along the interstate while keeping a close eye on the quiet hill.
“Nic, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Why did you decide to become a bodyguard? What, like, pushed you to go for it, do all that training? I know people wonder why I spend so much time riding, but what you decided to do . . . it’s probably even stranger.”
I thought about making something up. I didn’t want to talk about the real reason, especially after what happened at the bar. Reliving it was damned hard, even now. But Veena and I had come a long way since that first day I met her.
I licked my lips, willing the right words to come without opening that box inside all the way. “Back in high school, my friend Jamie and I were at a party. Some guys put something in our drinks.”
I breathed deeply, tensing as the memories stabbed me. My heart rate sped up, and my hands curled into fists. I clenched my teeth and blinked hard to pull the shade down on the phantom pain that shot through my body. For a second I was there again, in that shadowy back bedroom, listening to Jamie’s hysterical sobs, my own pleas, the drunken laughter of the boys. The fear and pain that wouldn’t stop.
The next day was like waking up after a nightmare, only to find it really happened. In the days, weeks, and months that followed, the world went weirdly gray and nothing quite made sense. I couldn’t tell Mom what happened; she was so fragile already. I thought about talking to Gram, but she’d been diagnosed with breast cancer by then. I didn’t want to burden her. And Jamie begged me not to tell anyone. So, I crafted the iron box of memories and worked freaking hard to keep that lid closed.
For the next few years, I went through the motions, grateful that the boys were from a different high school so that I didn’t have to see them every day in class. Spending time with Jamie was hard enough. But the rage at what had happened to us, and the desire to learn to protect myself and other vulnerable people, grew. Gram’s death only fueled the fire. Cancer was another thing I couldn’t do anything about. I was done with being helpless.
As graduation loomed, I knew I couldn’t follow my classmates to college. I wanted to do something that mattered. I thought about being a cop. While researching law enforcement careers, I stumbled onto Juno Academy’s website. As a CPO, I’d get the knowledge and skills I so desperately wanted. No one would be able to hurt me like that again, and I’d make damn sure they wouldn’t hurt my friends, family, or clients either, if I could help it.
I rolled my head to release my tight neck muscles and exhaled. “Anyway, I never wanted to be in that position again.”
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” Veena’s voice cracked, and she had an arm around me now. “How’s . . . how’s your friend?”
I shrugged. “She’s in college. We were tight before it happened, like you and Ali and Gage, but after that, we drifted apart.”
She pulled her arm back in her lap and slumped. “Tight. Yeah.”
I nudged her. “What? You are, right?”
“I guess so. I don’t feel like I know them that well.”
I lifted a gloved hand, confused. “But you hang out with them all the time.”
“Only really since last year. And with all of us traveling to different competitions and spending summers at home, we don’t see each other as much as you’d think. Plus—” She looked out over the halfpipe; its icy surface glittered in the artificial lights. “Everyone’s so competitive here. Jockeying for first place, wanting to be the best. It’s hard to trust each other. I don’t think we let each other in that much. Everything we talk about is surface stuff. I miss my mom. I can talk to her like I can talk to you. I know this probably sounds stupid but . . . I feel like you’re sort of a sister.”
My voice was quiet. “That’s not stupid.”
Even if it made me a shitty CPO, the idea made me happy. I didn’t have any siblings, or many friends. Jamie had been the exception in my life, not the rule. I’d always thought I was just bad at the relationship thing. Then again, while everyone else was going to parties and dating the last few years, I was trying to prod Mom to go to the grocery store or coaxing Gram to eat a few bites of dinner.
Veena had been hunched over, her body caving in on itself. Now, she sat up straight and ran a gloved hand across her damp cheeks, wiping the tears away. Her voice hardened.
“I can’t give up. I won’t give up. If I don’t compete in the Olympics this year, if I let them win, it’ll be four more years before I get another shot. That’s like an eternity! I’m not letting these artichokes control my life. If they want me so bad, they can find me right here in the pipe. I don’t care what my parents say. I’m not leaving.”
Hope replaced the lingering, familiar rage, followed by a touch of shame. When Brown offered me this job, Veena was a cardboard cutout—a stinking rich, probably spoiled, teen athlete on the cover of People. I wasn’t really thinking about her life; I was thinking about my own.
Now that I had spent time with her
