“I’m not really hungry,” I tell him. “But thanks.”
He lowers himself down beside me and moves close. “What’s going on? Why are you sitting out here like this?”
I hold my hand out toward the wood slats in front of me. “He died because of me.”
Sam shakes his head. “Emma, don’t do that to yourself. You can’t keep thinking of it that way.”
“I’m not thinking of it that way,” I say. “That’s the reality. Xavier could tell every step about that night. That was why it was bothering him so much. It didn’t make any sense until the last pieces fell into place. Then, he realized it wasn’t a fluke. It wasn’t some random encounter when Elliot got shot in a fight or a heated moment. He sacrificed himself. He came here knowing what Jonah was going to do, and that the only way he was going to lure him out was with himself as bait.”
“You don’t know that for sure,” Sam says. “That’s not the way Jonah tells it.”
I look at him. “And I should believe him?” I shake my head and turn away again. “Why did he wait?”
“What do you mean?” Sam asks.
“Jonah. He was in the cabin when I got here. He knew this place and he was waiting for me. He followed me from the train station, but he knew Feathered Nest and got to the cabin before I did. He waited for me to get there. But I was here for a while before Elliot knocked on the door. Why did Jonah wait? Why didn’t he just come up the stairs as soon as I came into the cabin?” I ask.
“You sound like you would have wanted him to,” Sam says.
“Maybe I do,” I say. “If he had, I could have confronted him myself. I could have handled him before he went after anyone else.”
“Emma, you didn’t even know you had an uncle. You wouldn’t have known who he was or what was happening. You would have thought it was your father coming after you. Do you honestly think you would have done anything to protect yourself?” he asks.
“If he had come for me, he wouldn’t have hurt anyone else,” I say.
“Jonah is not in his right mind. He isn’t now and he wasn’t then. He hadn’t been for a long time. If we’re going to go on the belief that he was hiding inside the cabin when you were there, you’re assuming he was lying when he told you his version,” Sam says.
“You never show your hand,” I say, repeating Xavier’s warning.
“But maybe he doesn’t even realize he was lying,” Sam says.
“How could he not realize he was lying about where he was?”
“He has his own story. His own narrative going on in his head all the time. He created what he wanted his life to be and isn’t going to accept anything else. He doesn’t really have a choice now, considering he’s in prison, but four years ago, he would have done and convinced himself of anything to fit what he wanted. That includes twisting the reality of what he did and why,” he explains.
“I just feel as if there was so much pain and tragedy because of me. Because people try to protect me. If Jonah had just come out when I first got to the cabin, Elliot wouldn’t have had to be there. He wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”
“People don’t try to protect you because they think you’re weak, or you can’t take care of yourself. Any more than you protect people because you think that about them. Elliot was doing what he promised your mother. That was his duty. He knew you from the time you were born and carried the guilt of not saving your mother for seventeen years. He would have come no matter what. Even if Jonah emerged the second you stepped into that cabin, Elliot would have still come for you.”
He reaches for my hand and rests it on top of one of his. His fingers run down it, slowing down as he reaches my ring finger. He brushes his fingertips around the base of my finger, then down its length to the tip.
“I’m sorry we’re not taking our Christmas vacation the way we planned this year,” I say.
Sam and I have been planning a getaway for Christmas for nearly a year, but with everything that has happened over the last couple of months and so much still unanswered, we decided to stay home instead. We’re having Bellamy, Eric, Dean, and Xavier over, so it will feel like a big family Christmas. I’m looking forward to it, but I was excited for that time with Sam.
“It’s alright,” he smiles. “It’s better this way. Besides, we can build up our time off and use it for an even bigger trip next year. A celebration.”
I smile and lean over to kiss him. The sound of my phone alerting and the feeling of it vibrating in my pocket ends the kiss. I pull it out and check the screen, expecting to see Bellamy’s name, or something from the Bureau. But it’s neither.
“Something wrong?” Sam asks.
I shake my head as I sweep my finger across the screen to open the message. “It’s an email. But I don’t recognize the address.”
“What’s the name?”
“Third Floor.” I look at him quizzically and hand the phone over to him. “Maybe it’s a company or something?”
Sam looks at the message. “‘Are we still on for lunch?’“ He lifts an eyebrow at me. “Were you planning on meeting up with anybody here? Mirna or Caleb, maybe?”
“No,” I frown, shaking my head again and taking the phone back. “I didn’t even tell them I was coming in. Since we’re only going to be here until tomorrow afternoon, it didn’t really seem like I needed to.”
“They must have gotten the address they were trying to send it to wrong. Happened to me once. A woman was determined
