“I believe you, Emma. And the truth is, even if she is out there somewhere because she left and started a new life, something still happened to her. Geese don’t fly away because the weather is warm, and bears don’t hibernate because food is plentiful. You change because the world is changing you. If you think something is wrong, then it probably is. I know if everybody else in the world thought they knew where I was, but you thought I was missing, I would want people to look.”
I nodded, not knowing how to respond, and look down into my mug at the melting pool of whipped cream. As I’m staring into the swirl of white into the dark brown, a candy cane slides into my vision. It tips, dumping several miniature marshmallows down into my hot cocoa. My throat tightens.
“Thank you, Xavier.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Thirteen years ago…First week of December
Monday: Opportunity fair 12-2PM. Visit 3 PM (Mom: Banquet). I made the mistake of lending my car to Lynn. I thought I had a ride, but, of course, he didn’t show. That’s not really true. He showed. I saw him. He just never gave me a ride. I ended up walking in the cold and Jeremy came out of nowhere. He’s still so angry. I don’t understand why. It wasn’t my fault. I just wish he would leave me alone.
Tuesday: Math final. I can’t believe he did that. I know I went up to him in the middle of campus to talk to him, but he acted as if I didn’t even exist. As if he didn’t even know who I was. It was humiliating. The thing is, I can handle that. I can handle being embarrassed. It’s having my heart broken that I can’t stand.
Wednesday: I got a note today that he wanted to see me in the room. When I got there, it was full of flowers and little drawings. He told me he knew what he did was wrong and apologized. He’s under so much stress. I wish we could just get away from here. That we didn’t have to do any of this anymore and could just go to the next step. He keeps saying we have to wait, but why?
Thursday: Final project due. Lunch with Emma. I saw Corey today. I…I don’t even know where to begin.
Friday: RETURN SCARF Visit at 3 PM (Mom: volunteering at hospital)
Saturday: Is this why we have the room? Where are the walls?
Sunday: Do I want to know?
Julia ran down the uneven bricks of the sidewalk and made a wide turn around the corner. Emma laughed from where she was standing in front of the restaurant. Her hood pulled up over her head with the brim of a thick wool hat visible under the edge, her arms wrapped around her and her hands covered in gloves, she looked warm and ready for the wait.
“I’m so sorry I’m late,” Julia said as she slowed to a stop next to Emma.
“You’re not,” Emma said.
Julia checked the time on her phone and nodded. “We were supposed to meet up thirty minutes ago.”
“According to your schedule,” Emma said. “But I’ve started telling you to meet me half an hour before I actually think you’ll be there. That way both of us are on time.”
She should be really offended by that, but she just thought it was brilliant. “Thank you,” Julia said.
They hugged and Emma made a sound that betrayed that while she looked bundled up and ready to face the tundra, she was feeling the chill.
“Let’s go inside,” she said. “I’m so hungry.”
“Me, too,” Julia nodded.
They sat down and each ordered a cup of coffee. Emma looked across the table at her. There was expectation in her eyes, and Julia wasn’t exactly sure why.
“So?” Emma asked.
“So, what?” Julia asked.
“How did it go? You were so worried about doing that shift at the Opportunity Fair. We went over that stuff a thousand times. Then you didn’t say anything about it,” Emma said.
“Oh,” Julia said. “It went really well. I think my professor was happy with it. I guess I’ll find out when final grades get published.”
“I wouldn’t be concerned about your grades if I were you. You had an amazing semester. The graduate school is going to be clamoring to get their hands on you, okay? You did get your application in, didn’t you?”
“Yeah,” Julia said. “I waited until the very last second, but I got it in.”
“Why did you wait?” Emma asked. “I thought you would be so excited to finally be applying for the program.”
“I am,” Julia said. The waitress came by with their coffee and they paused long enough for Julia to add cream and sugar and then both to take a couple of warming sips. “I guess I’m just really nervous.”
“About the application?” Emma frowned. “Why would you be nervous about that? You had that thing planned down to the very last detail. This is what you’ve been preparing for the whole time you were in college.”
“Well, not exactly,” Julia said.
“Graduate school,” Emma doubled down. “Whatever shape that takes. You’ve had your eye on graduating and then continuing your education. It was one of the first things we talked about. Remember?”
“I do,” Julia said, a slight smile coming to her lips as she remembered the first days of knowing Emma. “Of course, things are a little different for you now, too.”
Some of the smile on Emma’s lips faltered and the light faded in her eyes.
“Oh, Emma, I’m sorry,” Julia said. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
Emma shook her head, closing her eyes as if it would help the words not sink in or the thoughts they brought up not to be as powerful. She held up a hand.
“It’s okay,” she said. “I know what you meant. And you’re right. Things are definitely different for me, too. But you should focus on being excited. The semester is
