“I don't necessarily think we cease to be,” I say. “I just don't know if we stay here.”
"But why wouldn't we? I don't know for sure about any of it. I do know that every culture, every religion, every people in human history have believed in more. It goes by different names and has different traditions, but it really comes down to the same thing. We are just one small part of an incredible tapestry. Nothing more than a stitch. Those stitches don't exist merely for the purpose of existing. Just one stitch can't stand alone. It shouldn't stand alone. It exists because of those around it and for others. It exists so it can be a part of a continuation.
“We as individuals are fleeting. But we are not erasable. Every single life that comes this way creates something. Just the very idea of life is a radical, revolutionary act. Not because it's something new, but because it defies reason. Every life that comes to be is unique. There has never been a single other person that is the same as you. There never will be again. You are the only one who has been and ever will be born. You are the only person who can be you. The only person who can think your thoughts and feel what you feel. The only person who can leave the impression on the world you were made to leave.
“I can't believe that was an accident. I just can't bring myself to believe that you are nothing more than a random assortment of genes that tumbled into each other. You aren't random. Your body might be, but not your actual being. The body doesn't matter. It belongs to the Earth and will return to the Earth at some point. But who you are, what separates you from everyone else, continues. That's not something that can just disappear."
“Do you think everyone who has ever lived is still here?” I ask.
Xavier shakes his head. "No. I think most move on and don't need to be here always. But I like to think that maybe they can be. It's nice just to think that I'm not infinitely separated from my parents or from Andrew. Or from Millie. I might not be able to see them the way I used to. I can't have them in my life the way I want them to be. But living in a world completely without them isn't something I want to face. And maybe I don't have to."
"Alright, putting all that aside. If we're going to go on the working theory that the spirits of people who have died can continue to roam the Earth in some form or another, why are these people chasing them? Isn't that really intrusive? Even if I ignore how ridiculous it seems for these guys to run around trying to capture some sort of evidence that ghosts exist, I feel like it's incredibly disrespectful. They're just kind of storming into their space, demanding attention," I say. "How is that okay?"
"There are two primary theories when it comes to intelligent spirits, as opposed to residual energy. The latter are more like recordings that keep playing again and again, without any interaction with or from the world. Like those ghost stories you hear about a spirit doing the same repetitive motion, over and over, constantly. But an intelligent spirit is aware and can interact. Those types of hauntings can be voluntary, where the spirit has chosen to come back to a certain place for any number of reasons. It could be that it was a place the person loved during life. She might be waiting for someone, or have something she feels the living need to know. Whatever the reason, he’s chosen to be there and can move about more or less freely.
“The spirits may also be in a place involuntarily. They could be trapped there or bound to a physical location. Again, this can happen for any number of reasons. Most experts agree these bonds are not absolute. Spirits can be freed from the imprisonment and allowed to move on. But they usually need the help of the living to do that. By being willing to try to understand them and reach out to them, paranormal investigators can give the spirits the attention or help they need. All the while gaining insight into the existence of another realm and the perpetuation of existence after death,” Xavier says. “Easy peasy.”
“But aren't some of these guys really obnoxious?” I ask. “Don't they go into these places and scream and yell? They make a big deal out of everything and don't actually do much for the ghosts?”
Xavier sits silently for several seconds, breaking the pieces of cinnamon roll still on his plate into little chunks and dipping them individually into his coffee. He looks back up at me, and his eyes widen slightly as if he is just realizing I'm still talking to him.
"Me? Do I think those guys are obnoxious?" he asks.
"Yes," I say.
"Oh, I don't know. I don't watch those shows," he shrugs.
Chapter Four
I stare at him incredulously. "You don't watch those shows."
"I've never even seen an episode. The big ghost-hunting-team-exploring-haunted-places craze happened when I was otherwise occupied."
It's his way of saying when he was in prison serving time for the murder of his best friend, Andrew. They stole nearly a decade of his life. Yet, he doesn't carry any bitterness. There are many things about Xavier that never cease to amaze me. But one is how he's able to see life only moving forward. The only times he looks back are when he's thinking of someone. Not because he's dwelling on it or being bitter. Getting used to the world again hasn't been easy on him. It's a very different world than it was when he went in. But he's learning. Xavier’s
