That resonated with me on a level I couldn’t explain. Two peas in a pod, two opposite ends of the spectrum. One broken beyond repair, the other damaged but better at hiding it. I’m not ready to give her up yet. Ravage doesn’t know she has a fire in her. I love how her eyes blaze with it, how it fucking burns.
“Might need more time to make sure.”
Rav eyes me, something close to suspicion crossing his face. “It’s done.”
Sin grins. “What’s the matter, Fury? Caught some feelings for the bitch?”
I don’t react, just glare at him. My fingers itch to touch my knives. There’s laughter from around the table at Sin’s question, but they don’t understand. They haven’t seen her looking like a fucking angel.
“Just making sure I protect the club,” I mutter, irritation flaring in my belly. I hate this cunt. If I could kill him, I would, but he’s a brother, and he’s also Prez’s brother by blood. We all know he brought him up and looked after Sin his whole life. If I touch him, I won’t just lose my patch. I’ll end up in the ground. Ain’t willing to do that, not for the three seconds of satisfaction it would give me to slam my knives into his chest.
“Club’s protected,” Rav interjects.
I leave church, my chest feeling like a ten-tonne weight is sitting on it. The thought of never seeing Amalia again gnaws on my guts, fills me with dread. She’s become an important part of my life. I need her in it.
As the day wears on, I become more unsettled. I go out with Titch, our road captain, to collect dues from businesses we protect. It’s something I usually enjoy. The uncertainty of what might happen, the fact someone might fall short on a payment and need teaching a lesson always keeps me on my toes, but I’m distracted.
“You doing okay, brother?” Titch asks when we step out of the store, pocketing an envelope filled with cash as we head towards the bikes.
Am I okay? I don’t think I am. I’ve never had this kind of feeling before. It’s like someone took an axe to my heart, but at the same time, I feel empty. Dead inside.
“Yeah,” I mutter, not wanting to get into any shit with Titch. The brother doesn’t have the same darkness inside him that I have. His darkness is surface deep. Mine is rooted into the tattered remains of my soul.
“You’ve been quiet.” He makes a face. “Quieter than usual, I mean.” I glance at him before looking away. He speaks again, filling the silence. “You ain’t a big talker. I get that, but brother, we’ve got your back. No matter what.”
Am I supposed to well up at that? Hug him?
I do neither. I just let out a grunt. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don’t need anyone holding my fucking hand. I deal with my own shit, and I’ll deal with Amalia alone too.
Titch grins. “Good talk, pal.”
He climbs on his bike and I do the same. My brothers accept me for who I am, most of them anyway. Sin does his best to needle me. I think he wants to force the beast out of me. He wants to see the darkness come out, destroying everything in its path, he wants to see me lose it. He shouldn’t test it. I’ve never let my demons completely loose, even when I let them out to play, I have them on a tight rein. I don’t know that they’d go back into the box once I release them and that should scare him. It sure as fuck scares me.
I ride back to the clubhouse, Titch on my heels.
From the looks of things, my brothers are readying to party later. Kyle and Zack, our two prospects, are lugging boxes of booze into the bar area. As I enter the common room, I see Levi is standing near the bar with Noelle draped around his neck like a languid cat. I can’t remember the last time I saw the tiny blonde with another brother. Bunnies ain’t supposed to be exclusive, but whatever the fuck they have going on it’s getting to that stage.
Whizz, our resident doc, is sitting in the corner with Daimon and Nox. I don’t know what the three of them are talking about, but there’s a shit ton of laughter happening. I watch as Titch strides over to them and claims a seat in front of them.
I can’t deal with this shit. I need to see her. I need her like I need my next breath.
My gut roiling, I turn and leave the common room and head back out to my bike. I shouldn’t go over there, but I find myself moving on autopilot, even as my brain screams at me to stop. I don’t.
The ride over there feels like it takes forever and I nearly turn around several times and head back to the clubhouse, but I keep riding. When I reach her flat, my heart is pounding beneath my ribs. I pull down the bandanna covering my face and peer at the window. Calmness sweeps over me.
Amalia is everything I want, but everything I don’t deserve. She’s far too pure for a filthy bastard like me, one covered in blood and filth. I’ve never had an inch of good in me. I’ve always been this broken, depraved creep, and I’m completely getting off on watching her. What does that say about me? Sin called me a freak, and he’s right about that. I am a freak.
But I’m a freak who is interested in a woman for the first time in my life. I can’t help but be drawn to her, and I don’t understand it. What is it about Amalia that has my body reacting? I’ve never felt a thing for anyone in my entire life. I don’t even feel connected to my brothers, though, I
